本期翻译大讲坛，邀请了曾以一篇《到你老了》的诗经体译作获得众人瞩目和网上热传的WhyNot译员和我们Elanso的“专业评论员”ziguangqing一起合奏，细致点评了一篇中译英的散文诗作。
本期文章：有些事一转身就是一辈子——对照阅读 由Sharon0541翻译，由WhyNot和ziguangqing点评（这也是我们翻译大讲坛点评的第一篇中翻英的文章）
前言：中文原文为散文形式，句子简约，却意味深长。翻成英文的过程中，应注意译文在句式和语言结构应保持同样简约的风格，并注意转换为符合英文语言习惯的句式与用词。
原文：有些事一转身就是一辈子。
译文：There are things once you turn away you turn a lifetime.
点评：作为标题，要简明扼要，能够一下子逮住读者的目光。用短句，用一些能够让读者感到熟悉、容易产生联想的短语，更能激发读者的阅读兴趣。 “Now or Never”是一首流行歌曲的名字，用在这里正适合。
建议译为： It’s now or never – Once you walk away, it is a life time!
原文：有些人一直没机会见，等有机会见了，却又犹豫了，相见不如不见。
译文：There are people whom you never have chance to see, yet when chance comes, you hesitate reckoning that seeing is not better than not seeing.
点评：这里用meet 比用see 更贴切，让你犹豫的不是看见他，而是与他相会。
建议译为：There are people you would have never thought to meet, and yet, when the opportunity arrives, you hesitate and would rather not to.
原文：有些事一直没机会做，等有机会了，却不想再做了。
译文：There are things which you never have no chance to do, yet when chance comes, you do not want to do any more.
点评：“一直没机会做”是一层的否定意思，never have no chance 用两个否定，意思错误；去掉which的定语从句，更为精简；chance多指偶然的机会，含有侥幸的意味在内；opportunity多指特殊的机会，含有期待的意味，在此处用opportunity较为妥当；you do not want 后面的宾语应为opportunity，为want “the opportunity”,因此，改want to do为want it；no more比not any more更为简约、否定更为强烈；yet做“但是，却”的意思时为连词，用and yet。
建议译为：There are things you have never had the chance to do, and yet, when the opportunity comes, you want it no more.
原文：有些事。错过了。就是没缘分。抓住了。就是幸福
译文：There are things once missed, you have no fortune; once seized, you have got happiness.
点评：用There be句型稍显累赘，去掉更好；you have no fortune是中式英语的说法，不地道，此处意译“没缘分”为（Things may have）meant to be fateful，意味深长；grasp较seize，更具“紧握，紧抓”的含义，表露出原文内在的意义；miss out 在字典中为to fail to use or enjoy an opportunity,而miss在当“错过”讲的时候，意为To let go by，后面多跟“opportunity或chance”，这里也要请教，该用哪个呢？
建议译为：Things you missed out may have meant to be fateful. Once grasped, it is your happiness.
原文：有些话埋藏在心中好久，没机会说，等有机会说的时候，却说不出口了。
译文：There are words that buried long time in mind with no chance to say, yet when chance comes, it is hard to speak out.
点评：埋藏在心中，用heart，而非mind，因在英文中，mind刚突出思维、思想、头脑，而heart更偏重情感；改后的deep inside heart，意为“埋在心底”，更体现原文中埋藏的意味，为原文增益；在英文习惯中，buried long time（动词+状语）不如long buried这种副词+动词的形式常用；speak out更突出的是“大声的说出口”，而speechless（无言）更为提切“说不出口”。
建议译为：There are words that have long buried deep inside your heart without opportunity to say, and yet, when there is time to do it, you are speechless.
原文：有些爱一直没机会爱，等有机会了，已经不爱了。
译文：There is love that gets no chance to be loved, yet when chance comes, you do not love any more.
点评：love gets no chance to be loved中主谓搭配不正确；原文中所指主语应为“想爱，去爱的人”，按照英文分句间应该主语一致的原则，调整句子结构；“已经不爱了”为状态，not any more，no more更强调次数，no longer表状态。
建议译为：There are those that do not have the opportunity to love, and yet, when the time comes, they no longer want to love.
原文：有些人很多机会相见的，却总找借口推脱，想见的时候已经没机会了。
译文：There are people whom you have lots of chances to meet, yet always finding excuses to put off; chances no loner exist the day you do want to see.
点评：原文的意思为“过去本来是有很多机会”，用完成过去式；在译者翻译时the day you do want to see应为句子中的状语，此处用错，而本句的主谓宾+状的形式为中式英语常用，按照英文习惯，先出说结果，再讲原因，改为两个分句；slip away是“逃走、溜走”的意思，更为生动。
建议译为：There are those who have had lots of chances to meet and yet always find excuses to put off. When they do want it, the opportunity has slipped away.
原文：有些话有很多机会说的，却想着以后再说，要说的时候，已经没机会了。
译文：There are words that you have many chances to say, yet choose to say later, and chances no more exist the day you do want to say.
点评：原文意思为两层，四句，对于中文中过短的分句，在英文中应该采取整合为一句，
建议译为：There are words that you want to say but rather wait for the day. When it is time to say, the opportunity is away.
原文：有些事有很多机会做的，却一天一天推迟，想做的时候却发现没机会了。
译文：There are things you have enough chances to do, yet delaying day by day and chances on longer exist the day you gonna have them done.
点评：散文翻译，句子等同程度的简约是必要的，所以应注意句子的重组与合并，前两句可用主从句的方式合并，避免罗嗦。
建议译为： Things have been put off when you have ample chances; when you would like to pick it up, the chances are gone.
原文：有些爱给了你很多机会，却不在意没在乎，想重视的时候已经没机会爱了。
译文：There is love that offers plenty of chances to cherish, yet being ignored and chances no longer exist the day you want to love.
点评：原文略显罗嗦，运用短语、分词，代替谓语+宾语的句子，简约了不少，意思却未有丝毫改变。
建议译为：There was love on offer but not cherished， and only to be valued when it has gone.
原文：人生有时候，总是很讽刺。
译文：Life is, sometimes, satiric,
点评：在英文中有插入语时，原句一般被拆为“主语/主语+插入语+谓宾或系表/从句”。至于satiric，satirical,和sarcastic，鄙人也有些分不清，忘高人赐教。
建议译为：Life, at times, can be satirical.
原文：一转身可能就是一世。
译文：Turning away may be a lifetime
点评：把译文分为更短的两句，增加句势和意味。
建议译为：Only a turn-away, it can be a life time.
原文：说好永远的，不知怎么就散了。最后自己想来想去竟然也搞不清当初是什么原因分开彼此的。然后，你忽然醒悟，感情原来是这么脆弱的。经得起风雨，却经不起平凡；风雨同船，天晴便各自散了。也许只是赌气，也许只是因为小小的事。幻想着和好的甜蜜，或重逢时的拥抱，那个时候会是边流泪边捶打对方，还傻笑着。该是多美的画面。
译文：Eternity has been promised yet somehow separate finally with no one being able to make clear what reason on earth contributes to the separation. You suddenly come to realize how fragile emotion is! People can stand up hardship but fails in front of ordinary lives; share the same boat in rainy days but get parted when the sun comes out. Maybe it dues to people’s angry against each other, or to trivial things. Imagine the sweetness of reconciliation or the hugs when meet again—what a wonderful scene it is that one beats the other with tears on cheeks, giggling.
点评：1.说好永远的，不知怎么就散了。短短的一句，译者用了24个英文单词，过长；不知怎么就散了，隐藏的意思就是留给双方去回味、反思，用leaving you to ponder on why很好的表达了两个意思；2.译者的stand up hardship不正确；3. 风雨同船中的“风雨”，暗指“storm”，而不是简单的“rain”4.赌气译为“angry”不准确，用“sulking”愠怒正和赌气的意思；5.译者用“Maybe it dues to”与前文连接不紧密，不够地道；6.最后一句不得不说译者译的太死板了，未表现出原文的美好；7。译者的翻译：what a wonderful scene it is that one beats the other，表达的意思像是“揍”，相差较远，改为lovingly beating感觉好些，不知各位还有什么比beat更好的词贡献？
建议译为：It was meant to be eternity and yet was separated leaving you to ponder on why. You then suddenly come to realize how fragile the emotion is! People can stand hardships but fail to meet ordinary challenges; they share the same boat in the storm and yet each walks their own way when the sun shines again. May be sulking or other trivial things were the triggers. Imagine the sweetness of reconciliation or the hugs of reunion — how beautiful it is to see someone lovingly beating their partner, with giggles and tears on their cheeks.
原文：没想到的是，一别竟是一辈子了。
译文：Never anticipate that once leave should be a lifelong farewell.
点评：英文中不可用动词原形在句首，可用ing或to do或主语+动词；“没想到的是”含有突如其来的未料到的意思，用anticipate（期望）不如hardly imagine（猜想不到）意思准确；“一别”即为farewell，“一辈子”是种经历。
建议译为：One could hardly imagine that a farewell can be a lifelong experience.
原文：于是，各有各的生活，各自爱着别的人。曾经相爱，现在已互不相干。
译文：Then, each one has his own life, with their respective beloved ones. At one time, they loved each other, but now, there is no connection.
点评：各有各的生活用live a life比have life更节约、通顺，合规则； respective beloved ones意思少了“new”的层面，却很罗嗦，new found love，简单而不缺失；曾经相爱，现在已互不相干。中文原文的两句，译成英文应更简单，而不是变为罗嗦的四句。
建议译为：Then, each lives their own life with their new found love. Once were sweethearts, now are strangers.
原文：即使在同一个小小的城市，也不曾再相逢。某一天某一刻，走在同一条街，也看不见对方。先是感叹，后来是无奈。
译文：Even living in the same small city, they have never come cross each other again. Some day, some time, walking in the same street, neither do they recognize each other. At the start they sighed, and then there is no choice.
点评：译文第一句没有语法错误，但过于繁琐，而后一句at the start一般不单独使用，而是at the start+of sth,最后半句意思不准确。Sigh, they may, yet nothing can be changed.把无奈表现的淋漓尽致。
建议译为：Even in the same small town, they will neither cross each other’s path nor recognize each other walking on the same street sometime in the future. Sigh, they may, yet nothing can be changed.
原文：也许你很幸福，因为找到另一个适合自己的人。
译文：Maybe you are quite happy for another person you found suits you well.
点评：原文的意思应为“为找到合适自己的人这件事而感到幸福”而不是“为这个人”，而且you found修饰another person是正确的，而suits you well同样修饰another person，但在you found后造成了歧义。suitable love.简单的两个词，涵盖了以上的所有意思。
建议译为：You may be very happy for finding another suitable love.
原文：也许你不幸福，因为可能你这一生就只有那个人真正用心在你身上。
译文：Maybe you are very misery for the possibility that during your lifetime he is the only one that truly loves you.
点评：devoted to为深爱的意思，意思准确；译文后半部分时态不正确，应为he was；
建议译为：Or … you may be miserable because that person might be the only one that truly devoted to you.
原文：很久很久，没有对方的消息，也不再想起这个人，也不想再想起这些事.
译文：Long time has passed, with no message of him, you won’t think of him any more, nor will you think of these things.
点评：message 多指“口讯”，“hear from”更适合这里的语境。
建议译为：It has been a long time without hearing from him. You have not thought of him and do not want to recall those things in the past.
原文：有些事一转身就一辈子了.
译文：There are things once you turn away you turn a lifetime.
点评：you turn a lifetime表达不准确。
建议译为：There are things in life, once you walk away, it is a life time.
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