Do you ever just sit and think, what if... or stand back and look at all that needs to be done and wonder, how did you get to this point?

I stand back and look around, at all the chaos around me, wondering what happened? The house is a mess, the kids are out of control, my relationship has fallen apart, and all I seem to think about is, having some fun for a change. Sounds greedy doesn't it? I turned 40 recently, and I was nervous about that, thinking of all that I haven't done in my life yet, what I want to be doing, how I want to be doing it, and who I want to be doing it with.

I wonder what if I had taken a different path, what would my life be like now? What if I would have just used different words, what if I just would have taken that chance? Where would I be now?

Sometimes, we go through life not really living it, but just thinking about it. Wouldn't it be nice if…

If I could have that, or go there. Some of us just settle for what we have, for the comfort of knowing that it's familiar, however that comfort zone and sense of familiar isn't always enough. I think I have gotten to a point in my life, where I have realized that, I am not so comfortable anymore. I don't want to just think about life anymore, I want to live it.

I want to be happy, I want to take my children places, I want to be able to decorate my home to reflect who I am, I want to be me, and not be worried that someone won't like it. I want to be able to just sit back and relax and not worry all the time. How long does it take to get to that point?

I think about finding that great job, making enough money to be comfortable, doing something that I really enjoy, I feel like I have spent my whole life living it someone else's way. For now I need to take a deep breath, kiss my children, take responsibility for where I am, and keep moving forward until I get to that place I want to be in. Stop thinking about that mess, and just get it done! Life is to short to be angry, and unhappy, and it has taken me this long to finally admit to myself, I am tired of JUST THINKING…