错误及修正之十六
再谈媒体对外宣传材料的翻译的“中式英语”。相关内容请见《错误及修正之十五》
汉语中经常用很强的副词修饰动词和形容词,用形容词修饰名词,以加重语气。而译成英语时需要斟酌,不能一字一字地照译,否则往往强调过头,效果相反,削弱了原文的力量。例如:
原文:
我们要继续坚定不移地坚持以经济建设为中心。
我们要继续坚定不移地推进改革开放。
我们要继续坚定不移地保持社会稳定。
我们要继续坚定不移地贯彻执行独立自主的和平外交政策。"
译文:We will continue to unswervingly focus on economic development.
We will continue to unswervingly press ahead with reform and opening-up.
We will continue to unswervingly carry out the independent foreign policy of peace.
我的建议:We will steadfastly focus on economic development, resolutely press ahead with reform and opening-up, persistently maintain social stability and unswervingly pursue the independent foreign policy of peace.
四个"坚定不移地"全译成unswervingly,这样的英译文不仅不能加重语气,反而弱化并显得累赘。如果译成不同的副词也不可取,给人以副词堆砌的感觉。只用一个副词修饰四个动词应该就可以了。
再如:有人把"彻底粉碎"翻译为completely smash, "smash"本意就是break completely,已经包含了"彻底"的意思,加上completely语气反而弱化。
其他类似的例子:
"完全征服"completely conquer, "conquer"不可能是partly。
"极为可耻"extremely shameless,"shameless"已是最高级。
"伟大的历史性转变"This is a great historic change。在英语里,historic已经包含了great的意思。
有时汉语简洁,但译成英文必须补缺。
原文:农业搞好了,农民能自给,五亿人口就稳定了。
译文:if agriculture is in good shape and the peasants self-supporting, then the 500million people will feel secure。
我的建议:If agriculture is in good shape and the peasants are self-supporting,…
前半句主语和动词都是单数,后半句主语是多数,因而必须据此加一复数动词而不能省略。
例如:“人的意志想要避免,也不可能”,在翻译这句话的时候It cannot be avoided even if people want to 必须加avoid it,前半句avoided是被动,而后半句avoid是主动,因而不能省略。
原文:"中国社会主义建设的航船将乘风破浪地驶向现代化的光辉彼岸。"
译文:The ship of China's socialist construction will brave the wind and waves and sail to the glorious destination of modernization。
"ship"没有生命,而搞modernization的主语应当是人。
我的建议:China will stride forward in building socialism, like a ship braving the wind and the waves, towards the glorious destination of modernization.
我的建议译文并不理想,比原来的译文略有改进。
原文:世纪之交,中国外交空前活跃。
译文:At the turn of the century, China's diplomacy is most acitive.
我的建议:The turn of the century finds China most active on the diplomatic arena.
diplomacy 是没有生命的,active 的主语应当是人。
原文:创新是一个民族进步的灵魂
译文:innovation is the soul of a nation's progress.
我的建议:innovation sustains the progress of a nation.
Soul是有生命的,而innovation则没有,两者在一起是拟人化,改译纠正了这一点。
汉译英有时不能完全按照原文是什么词类就译成什么词类,而需要根据情况对词类进行调整和转换。
原文:我们之间关系的发展使我们不仅成为亲密的朋友而且成为兄弟。
译文:The development of our relations has made us not only close friends but also brothers.
我的建议:Our relations have so grown that they bind us not only as close friends but also as brothers.
原来的译文读起来不像英语的句子,没有一点“英语的味道”,感到十分的别扭和不舒服;我的建议吃透了原文的精神,转换了词类,使用了符合英语表达习惯的表达方法,英语味道比前一例句要浓。
原文:轻纺工业产品的花色品种增多,质量继续有所提高。
译文:The designs and variety of light industrial and textile products have increased and their quality has continued to improve。
翻译时词类完全按照中文,因而有Chinglish的味道。
我的建议:Light industry and textile products are now available in better designs and quality and in richer variety。
原来的翻译词类完全按照中文,因而有Chinglish的味道,根本不是英语的句子。
原文:中国的富强和发展不会对任何国家构成威胁。
译文:The strength, prosperity and development of China will pose no threat to any countries.
我的建议:A strong, prosperous and developed China will pose on threat to any countries.
原来的译文是典型的字对字翻译,这是翻译的大忌。我的建议读起来比较自然。
原文:维护世界和平是大有希望的。
译文:To maintain world peace is very hopeful.
我的建议:The prospects for world peace are very encouraging indeed.
我的建议英文比较通顺。
原文:同时,也从一个角度反映了他们心怀祖国,放眼世界的精神面貌和文化生活。
译文:In addition, their pictures reflect, from a certain angle, their mental outlook of having the whole country in mind and the whole world in view as well s their cultural life.
我的建议:In addition, their pictures reflect, from a certain angle, their mental outlook, their love for the motherland and wide-ranging interest in the world as well as their cultural life.
原来的译文比较臃肿,令人费解,改译后比较通顺易懂。
要想避免Chinglish,使译文读起来像有“英语的味道”,首先要吃透中文的精神,摆脱中文字面的束缚,从英语读者的角度出发,按照英语习惯,对句子进行重组,以清晰的文字表达原文的意思。
欢迎大家有空来我的Blog坐坐:http://lucky-man.blog.sohu.com/