Elanso

Theories

There are a bunch of theories regarding why, more often than not, we don't get the job done. And by getting the job done, I mean achieving our goals and creating forever change; finishing what we've started. So many of us talk a good game but rarely deliver (for more than a few weeks anyway). Take a realistic and brutally honest look around and you'll discover that most people don't actually get the job done when it comes to the majority of their personal goals (especially the health-related ones).

All fired up... for a week

Great at starting (or in many cases, almost starting) but crap at actually following through and creating any lasting results. Health club owners can actually rely on the fact that many people will make a decision, join their gym, hand over the cash or credit card details, get excited for ten minutes and then... not show up. A thousand bucks for three workouts; that's quite the deal for the gym owner and not so good of course, for the would-be fitness bunny. And don't think that it doesn't happen so often, it's a very regular occurrence. I've seen it many (many, many) times.

Money for jam

Club owners know that a significant percentage of new members will lose momentum (motivation, commitment, mindset) within a short period of time and throw in the towel. I'm not suggesting that they create this or encourage it, but they sure can benefit from it (for a while anyway). How else could a club which can only accommodate two or three hundred members at any given time confidently sell five to ten thousand memberships (as they do) if they didn't have this insight into typical human behaviour? By the way, this is not a commentary on the ethics or business practices of club owners, it's a comment on the human condition, the psychology of change and our inability to get stuff done. Imagine people paying an on-going monthly fee (most clubs are direct debit these days) for something that they never use; great for the club's bank balance but not so good for the fat bloke who lives on burgers and beer and never uses that membership he took out.

So here's my theory:

We don't get the job done because we make it (the change process) optional; something we can stop at any time.... and we do.

Sure we start things, but when we undertake our latest 'life-changing-project' do we really think "this is absolutely, unequivocally a behaviour that I am going to maintain from this day forward for the rest of my life?" Of course we don't. We always give ourselves an out; an escape clause. We don't make it (it being whatever we need to do to achieve our goals) completely non-negotiable, so within a short period of time we find a 'very legitimate' reason to stop whatever it was we started. Besides, there's always next week.

I'll start next Monday

The problem is that we've been telling ourselves the very same thing (I'll change soon) for years. And we are indeed champions at explaining our lack of commitment and results; it's too hot, it's too cold, it's too late, it's too early, my back is playing up, it's a timing thing, an opportunity thing, a money thing, a travel thing...

Bullshit; it's a YOU thing.

We don't wanna hear that about ourselves but maybe some of us need to hear it. I've needed to hear it plenty of times over my own journey. Don't you ever get sick at the sound of your own voice rationalising, justifying and explaining (for the millionth time) why you're still not doing what you said you'd do years ago? I know that there have been numerous times over the years when I have driven myself nuts with my inability to genuinely commit and get the job done. Eventually I got to the point where I was so embarrassed by the crap that came (so easily) out of my own mouth, that I decided to make my decisions, commitments and resolutions (to change certain behaviours and habits) completely non-negotiable. The moment I did this, I started to produce dramatically better results in all areas of my life. Not because I was more talented or intelligent than the next person, but because, for the first time in my life, I was completely committed to achieving my goals.

What if giving up wasn't an option?

Imagine the results we could create in our life if we didn't give ourselves the option of throwing in the towel every time we got bored, busy, uncomfortable or challenged; if we HAD TO finish what we started. Hmmm, there's a crazy notion. Imagine if you said "right that's it, from now on I'm going to exercise four days per week and eat perfectly ninety percent of the time"... and you actually did it. Forever!! Not for some half-assed phase you're going through (again), but for your life.

The escape clause

Sure we want to change, but on some emotional and psychological level we always give ourselves that escape clause. Just in case. Wouldn't wanna put ourselves under too much pressure would we? We might end up different! We talk about forever results but we have a temporary mindset. The 'forever' concept freaks us out a little. Nobody starts a 'diet' thinking that they'll eat that way for the next fifty years. No, they know it's a short-term thing (to get in shape for that social occasion) and then they'll go back to eating 'normally' (until the next significant social event of course).

I personally believe that the majority of people who start any change process don't actually think they'll create life-long change. They 'kind of hope' they will, but deep down they don't actually expect it. And therein lies the problem Grasshoppers; belief (expectations) equals outcome. In truth, they are not totally committed to doing what needs to be done.
When we are totally committed, stopping isn't an option.

A couple of (seemingly weird) questions for you...

1. Is changing stinky, dirty nappies (diapers) a fun process?

2. Why do mothers (and fathers) do it?

3. Is motivation an issue when it comes to this responsibility?

4. Is it seen as an optional task?

5. Do the parents 'enjoy' the experience?

Some possible answers....

1. They don't give themselves the option of NOT caring for their baby; it's completely non-negotiable.

2. It doesn't matter how unpleasant the task may be, they are totally committed to the welfare of their child and their level of motivation is irrelevant - it's simply about doing what needs to be done.

3. Whether or not the parent enjoys the process isn't an issue either; they know what they need to do to create the desired outcome and they do it.

If only we could apply this kind of non-negotiable thinking and behaviour to our personal goals, who knows what we might achieve. Life without an escape clause, a safety net or a bunch of predictable excuses.

There's a thought.

* Let us know your thoughts on this post by clicking on the comment thingy and sharing from your own experiences or thoughts. If you'd like to receive articles like this automatically, simply click on the 'subscribe to this feed' thingy at the bottom of this post and become a subscriber.

*BTW - is that baby not the cutest kid ever?