Elanso

It's evident that Heidi Montag's songwriting is inspired by her daily life (what great lyricist isn't a sponge in that way?). Clearly, Heidi's new song "Fashion" was inspired by a conversation she had with Spencer about clothes (because she doesn't have any girlfriends, Heidi has to talk about such girly stuff with her only friend, Spencer). Here's how I imagine the conversation-turned-poetry going down (I highly recommend listening to the song while reading this): HEIDI: HEIDI! SPENCER: I know, your name is Heidi. HEIDI: We love designer!! SPENCER: Yes, yes we do. HEIDI: I'm too fa-bu-lous. SPENCER: For me? Ummm...well, HEIDI: I'm so fierce, that it's so nuts. SPENCER: Okaaaay...Want to go get some dinner? HEIDI: I live, to be model thin. SPENCER: I'll take that as a no. HEIDI: Dress me, I'm your mannequin. SPENCER: You're my mannequin, yet you're still talking. Shut up. [They walk by a Barney's. Heidi starts pointing and screaming designer names in an unintelligible "French" accent.] SPENCER: Baby, what did I tell you about buying clothes? We can't afford it. [Heidi looks at Spencer with sad pouty face.] (Read the rest of this dramatic scene after the jump!) SPENCER: I know you're sad, but remember that story I told about getting paid $100,000 to show up at a club? [Heidi starts clapping in approval, Spencer grabs her hands, sighing.] No Heidi - no. That was what we call a "story." [She deflates, her hopes crushed.] I know it's hard for you to understand. Sometimes adults tell "stories" when they don't want to tell the truth. [Heidi's lip begins to tremble. He grabs her shoulders, and in an instance, Heidi and Spencer collapse to the ground in a tearful embrace. After several minutes of joint-pouting, Heidi struggles free and rises to her feet. Spencer can tell that she's got an idea. She takes his hand and runs into the Barney's. She starts prancing around the mannequins, dancing aimlessly with her arms flailing about, a la "Higher" video. Spencer doesn't know where she's going with this, but he smiles - knowing that his girl is having a moment of genius. Heidi begins to take clothes off the rack and drape them on herself - a Versace gown here, a Marc Jacobs cardigan there - and she begins screaming, to the horror of the store employees - but to the delight of Spencer.] HEIDI: [Twirling with clothes all over her.] FASHION! PUT IT ALL ON ME! SPENCER: [Starting to get the idea] YES! HEIDI: DON'T YOU WANT TO SEE THESE CLOTHES ON ME! SPENCER: IT'S GENIUS! KEEP GOING! HEIDI: I AM ANYONE YOU WANT ME TO BE! SPENCER: IS ANYBODY TAPING THIS? HEIDI: I NEED...SOME NEW...STI-LE..TTOS! SPENCER: It's true! [knowingly, to the store manager who is shaking her head scornfully] HEIDI: [Throwing a pair of shoes onto the floor, grabbing hands with the stern store manager.] CAN'T WALK...DOWN THE STREET IN THOSE! [At first the store clerk is frightened, but eventually she gets caught up in the whirlwind and starts dancing with reckless abandon alongside Heidi.] SPENCER: [To confused customer.] What can I say? We love designer! HEIDI: A GIRL'S JUST AS HOT AS THE STORE SHE CHOOSES! SPENCER: YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN, BABY! [They embrace, the store clerks and customers start clapping.] HEIDI: [Looking at all the clothes she has piled on her arms, shoulders, torso and head, and then demurely at the store manager.] Me keepy? [Everyone stares at each other in this tense moment, wondering if there's any shred of humanity left in a decades-long Barney's store manager.] STORE MANAGER: Oh, why not, you crazy kids! HEIDI / SPENCER / CUSTOMERS / STORE EMPLOYEES: YAAAAAYYYY!!!! [Scene.] (Yes, you have my permission to use the above scene in your acting class / auditions. You're welcome.)