Greetings! Well, I guess I have to eat crow. I've bragged about how good my Mac is for years, but I finally had a problem. Now, to be fair, my Macs have held up remarkably well. My first Mac laptop lasted for over five years before it died and that was only because I poured a Pepsi in it by accident. So I thought that my new Mac Powerbook would last almost until the cosmos implodes back in on itself. It seemed reasonable, given my history with them. But this time...well, you'll see.
I was having some trouble connecting to the internet and I was playing Slap In The Face. You know, when you phone one tech support person and they can't solve your problem and they get tired of trying, so they suggest that maybe it's somebody else's fault, slap you in the face and run away giggling. It's their favorite game. It goes like this:
[Steve] "I'm having a problem with my internet connection."
[Internet Tech Support Guy] "Hmm, I don't see anything immediately wrong. I think you need to talk to another department. Here, let me transfer you, SLAP! Hee he he heee!"
[Voice Of Tech Support Person 2] "You have reached the department of extreme unhelpfulness. Our office is currently closed. Have a nice day, SLAP! Hee he he heee!"
Anyway, this had been going on for some time. Having exhausted all my options at the telephone company, I decided to phone Apple. I doubted it was their fault, but the telephone help desk had insisted that it was a Mac issue. As I was sitting at the computer with the heating pad on my back waiting for tech support, I managed to solve the internet problem myself. I felt quite elated...for about a minute, until my computer exploded! A huge puff of smoke erupted from the computer along with an equally unencouraging smell.
Just then the tech support person came on the phone and I exploded at them. They, wisely, decided to pass me on to an expert. So I waited. And I waited some more, growing more irritated by the second and all the time expecting the final slap. I was not happy with anybody, especially not Apple.
I waited for several minutes, cursing Steve Jobs and his shoddy products and how he'd let me down and presently I felt a very warm sensation on my back. I didn't register this right away, since I was expecting my back to be warm, due to the heating pad. But then it got warmer. And warmer. And then my back was on fire!
I realized that my heating pad was on fire and I yanked it out of the wall, threw it in the sink and poured water on it. It finally dawned on me that my heating pad had exploded in smoke and not my computer. Just then, tech support finally came on the line.
I tried to explain that the problem had been taken care of, but the ultra-helpful tech support woman didn't believe me, because computers that explode don't just suddenly become all right. She wouldn't let me get off the phone until I admitted that the fire had actually originated with...another device. She hadn't heard that one before. It was a new one on her.
Apple has really great tech support.
Until next time, keep your pen on the page, and SLAP! Hee he he heeee!.
Steve Sharam
For more of my cogitations on life, check out my newly re-minted blog www.whenrealityknocks.com