Did you watch Grey's Anatomy -- the most popular TV drama in US now?
If you did, you likely remember a beautiful song titled "falling or flying" featured in one episode.
Everytime I listened to it, I am always touched by its lyrics:
Are we falling or flying?
Are we falling or flying?
Are we living or dying?
I guess we'll never know
The air's so heavy
It could drown a butterfly
If it flew too high
Are we falling or flying?
Are we falling or flying?
Are we living or dying?
I guess we'll never know
All my 30-year life is just like the song title: flying dreams and irresistible downfalls.
This afternoon, I received a mobile call from the government (as alleged). On the phone, a man told me with a polite tone, but you can obviously feel a kind of intangible and perceptible intimidation within, that a recent my blog entry is NOT allowed to publish on the internet, so it has to be deleted as soon as possible.
Without any oral resistance, even without asking why, I deleted the article as soon as possible, like a silent lamb.
The man said "Thank you", hang up the phone.
I felt great shame for my humiliating tameness. Although this blog is hosted on an oversea server without the danger of unplugged, I am afraid that they would block the visitors from China, and I am more afraid that they would come to my home. So I did what they asked me to do.
In last 5 years, It is the first time that I deleted my own article after publication on this blog. Even you are an independent blogger, they still can control you. ...I am so sad.
Now, the final decision is I will NOT criticize or talk of the Chinese Politics here anymore.... I know it is a regrettable decision, but it is certainly the right time for me to do something else.
In fact, I feel I have said more than enough about the horrible and woeful Chinese dark reality. All my words did not make any difference. Evil is still evil, China is still China. Nothing happens, nothing changes. In the end, I am tired of saying it again and again, and now I gave up.
In the future, I will only write some reading thoughts and technical notes here, and want to do something new which can really change something old. Let us see what will happen.
The following is one of my all-time favorite songs: Elton John's Rocket Man.
Just like he sang:
It's lonely out in space
On such a timeless flight
And I think it's gonna be a long long time
Till touch down brings me round again to find
I'm not the man they think I am at home
Oh no no no I'm a rocket man
Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone
And I think it's gonna be a long long time...
This is a road much longer than I thought. If we are lucky to have the day finally reaching the end, it's gonna be a long long time...