Elanso

Waiting in line at the airport sucks. Especially with people who act all surprised when they get to the scanners and suddenly bust babies, knives, lighters and giant sports bottles of water out of their pocket. Well, Transportation Security Laboratory Director Susan Hallowell wants to combine the harrowing misery of an airport line with the electronic patdown into a single gropefest creepily called "The Tunnel of Truth."

Basically, you'd stand on a conveyer belt moving through a massive glass tube that scans you (with the nudie backscatter scanner, among other probing technologies, like a Predator-style thermal sensor) as you're shuffled through, the same as your carry-on luggage. If you step out without being obliterated by lasers tackled by TSA agents, you're clean.

Apparently shoes still outwit this tunnel of government love, so you'd still have bare your tootsies for foot-fetishist security agents. Me? I think I'll take the freedom of open air and clueless passenger clusterfucks. [National Defense Mag via Danger Room]