Welcome to yet another edition of the Reject Report, and welcome to yet another goofy headline from me. Usually I like to make the headlines for this column a play on words for some movie that comes out. Such as: The Reject Report Escapes from Guantanamo Bay. Or how about this: The Reject Report has “Sex” on the Brain. You get the idea. I just couldn’t resist doing a play on the title of Adam Sandler’s latest flick, You Don’t Mess with the Zohan, even though it looks like Kung Fu Panda will probably be the box office winner this week. But who knows? The box office has not exactly followed the Hollywood script this summer with some of the hits and misses we have seen.
I’ll start off with You Don’t Mess with the Zohan , a weird-looking comedy co-written by those well-credentialed funnymen Robert Smigel (Triumph the Insult Comic Dog), Judd Apatow (Knocked Up, Anchorman, 40 Year Old Virgin etc. etc.) and of course, Adam Sandler. Sandler plays Zohan, a fed-up top agent in Israel’s Mossad spy agency, who fakes his own death so he can move to New York to become a hair stylist, and achieve his dreams. But his old enemies catch up with him to try and mess up his new life in America. The cast includes Emmanuelle Chriqui. (Babe alert!) It also features John Turturro, Nick Swardson, Lainie Kazan and of course, Rob Schneider.
It sounds interesting to me, but a lot of people think this might be a piece of junk. Adam Sandler is notorious for his inability to get critics on side for his movies, for some reason. But Sandler does have the ability to get people to leave their chairs, hop in the automobile and drive to the local multiplex to go see him — even if his movie is god-freaking-awful. He consistently opens to box offices in the $37-$47 million range, usually. His last big effort was last year’s I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry which most everyone agrees was garbage (except for Jessica Biel’s catsuit appearance)— but it still opened in first place with almost $35 million gross! This latest flick should do a little better than that. It opens in over 3,400 theaters, and I predict $37 million for Adam Sandler and You Don’t Mess with the Zohan.
Next we have one of the more anticipated movies of the summer, Kung Fu Panda. This movie recently took the Cannes Film Festival by storm. At one of their events, Jack Black stepped out a water taxi he was riding in and was surrounded by a bunch of pandas. You gotta love the Cannes Film Festival.
Black provides the voice for Po, a clumsy kung-fu-loving panda. Unfortunately, he’s stuck in his parent’s noodle shop. Anyway, Po is unexpectedly chosen to fulfill an ancient prophesy and he studies the ancient craft under the direction of the Furious Five: Tigress, Crane, Mantis, Viper and Monkey. The five are led by Master Shifu, voiced by Dustin Hoffman. However, the evil snow leopard Tai Lung has escaped, and he’s on his way. It all comes down to Po to try and save the day, using his martial-arts abilities in the process. The movie features an all-star cast of voices including sexy Angelina Jolie as Tigress. (Babe alert, again!!) It also features Jackie Chan, Ian McShane, Seth Rogen, Lucy Liu and David Cross.
The movie is from the DreamWorks animation studio and is opening up in a fat 4,100 theaters, including some IMAX ones. Now I have to be honest with you. I thought this movie was going to do good business, but once I heard what the theater count was I immediately upped my prediction. 4,100 is a LOT of theaters, and while it isn’t in many IMAX theaters, I know that some of those places charge an arm and a leg. So I wouldn’t be surprised to see Kung Fu Panda get $57 million, just based on the theater count. I should note that the movie is getting some great reviews from all kinds of people (including our very own Neil Miller), and should do good business for weeks once word-of-mouth kicks in.
While I have a moment, may I congratulate Angelina Jolie on the birth of her twins. I heard about it on Entertainment Tonight. Way to go, Angie!! (What, it’s not true??!! That can’t be — ET usually nails these sorts of things.)
So that is what we can expect from the new releases. As for the old ones, I expect Sex and the City to drop like a rock, as everyone who was going to see this flick has already seen it. And I expect Indiana Jones 4 and Iron Man to keep on making a ton of cash. So here is what I see going down at the box office this weekend, folks:
That’s it! Back at the weekend’s end when we sum up the damages and see who messed with the box office — I mean, WON at the box office — here at the Reject Report.
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