Elanso

1. His Choice of Weapon - An Arrow - is So Yesterday

   
   
   We all know that his line of business can get rough sometimes. Having to approach all sorts of people is no easy task. We agree that he has to protect himself in case of robbery, (I wonder where he keeps his wallet) attack etc. But an arrow? For crying out loud, an arrow? Even one of those pen knives that does every thing, you know the ones with all the attachment thingies. Even that would be better for stabbing than a stupid flimsy arrow with hearts attached to it.

2. He's Overweight

   
   
   Thing is, on its own this wouldn't be a problem, except for the fact that as your representative, he should make a little more effort on your behalf. Granted, he is responsible for all the chocolate presents on the 14th of February every year, and granted, that sometimes he probably can't help but tuck into them himself. But a man with that kind of responsibility should know better.

3. He Appears To Spend Hours in Front of the Mirror Doing His Perfect Curls

   
   
   I understand that he's proud that he's been able to hold on to all that hair for such a long time. After all he's a very old chap. But never trust a man who spends all that time in front of a mirror doing his face and hair. Especially if he's the type of fellow who thinks it's all right to leave home without his pants.

4. He Runs About in His Birthday Suit

   
   
   If he is to approach the person you fancy dressed like that, they're likely to think that you're a perverted nutter just like he is. You would think that with all the money celebrities make these days, a person as popular as he is could afford to get himself at least a GAP outfit and a decent pair of shoes.

5. His Permanent Grin. Who Would Trust Him to Be Serious?

   
   
   With that permanent grin on his face, who would take him seriously? What if I fancied someone who didn't like the look of me one bit. A little roughing up might have to be done. How could my representative do the necessary beating or kidnapping as the case may be, if he's got a permanent grin.

6. His Headband is Just Too Glitzy

   
   
   You shouldn't trust men who wear women's hair bands.

7. In The Divorce Settlement, He Would Get Everything

   
   
   When he left his wife Psyche, he took everything with him including the garden, leaving her homeless and living in a field. If that is not a warning for what he would do to you, then there's no hope for you at all.

8. He's a Mummy's Boy

   
   
   His mother Aphrodite was so jealous of Psyche's beauty that she told her son Cupid to shoot her with an arrow and make her fall in love with the ugliest man alive. Cupid, in such a hurry to do Mummy's bidding, by accident pierced himself with one of his own arrows and fell in love with her himself. How silly!

9. He's Only Around a Couple of Weeks a Year

   
   
   Other than that, he's on a secret location in Tonga playing golf and sipping champagne.(You don't see Max Clifford and other publicists doing that do you). If you needed a refund or an exchange you couldn't find him to give it to you. Not a good set up by anyone's standards.

10. Last and Most Obvious - He's a Baby

    
    
    Babies spend all their time producing slimy stuff through all the orifices of their bodies. The last thing they want to do is to find you love.

Happy Valentine! No thanks to Cupid!