I know it’s not one of the most comfortable topics to discuss - but I’m betting it’s a topic that’s discussed in every single household that is occupied by one man, one woman and a little thing called a marriage license.
I’m betting it’s one of those topics that’s discussed quite loudly - similar to the topic of money.
Ladies, perhaps you can give me a little help here. A little insight or a slap on the head - whichever I may need.
I’m not sure if getting married and having kids provides enough of a comfort zone for women to get a little lazy in relationships or if it provides a sense of “ownership” to the caveman lurking in many of husbands. Whichever it is, I think it’s bogus (I know, it’s an 80’s style word and probably not used much, but it’s the best I can come up with at the moment).
I’m going to be completely honest - what makes me all kinds of hot and bothered is a man who works hard, has a sense of direction, a passion for something better, who isn’t afraid to pick up a broom, a dishrag or a cookbook AND USE THEM!
Now, once a man lands a woman and her heart, it isn’t a time to get all lazy. It doesn’t mean it’s there to stay! It means you have to keep doing what you were doing to win her heart to begin with. So, if you aren’t big on cleaning, don’t pretend to be during the courting phase. Get my drift?
I say this because I really believe it’s the men that grow most lazy in marriage most often, albeit, there are women who fall prey to a severe case of the lazies too - so ownership is just as viable regardless of gender.
When I have to work hard and carry the psychological burden of the family finances, the care of the kids and the bringing home the bacon all by myself, the last damn thing I’m going to want to do is jump into bed and pretend like I’m the least bit interested in intimacy.
To me, intimacy is earned. It’s something that is a celebration of achievements within marriage. A coming together of two people who are working toward one common goal, a happy, healthy life. Not a reward of some sort for having signed a piece of paper and for wearing a little gold band on your left ring finger.
A little known fact about me is I am currently on my third marriage. Mostly because I’m staunch in my beliefs and I take NO crapola from anyone! God blessed me with a strong backbone and I don’t think he would have me succumb to lesser lifestyle then he’s allowed me to desire. Of course I’ve vowed that if this marriage doesn’t make it, I will give in to my families legacy of living out the remainder of life alone and stress free :)
I am just a little bitter at the moment. I’m watching a few people I truly care deeply about maneuver through their days depressed and far more lifeless then I’ve ever seen them. Mostly because they are trying to figure out how to adjust to a relationship they didn’t sign on for. The marriage they once committed to is now a complete farce!
I know Dr. Laura would probably string me up for saying this and that sex should never be used as a weapon or leveraging tool - but dayum - when the rest of your life is going to poo - what else is there?
I know, it’s not exactly parenting, but it’s parents nonetheless :)
(image: stock.xchg)
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