While BWE.tv does not in any way endorse or condone the use of illicit drugs or substances, we're unapologetic fans of any and all energy beverages that brand themselves as a hipper, more legal alternative to life-destroying narcotics. First we
heard about and
fell in love with Cocaine Energy Drink, then found that the best part of waking up was
Meth Coffee in our cups, and now we've discovered the next wave in "over-the-counter energy substances pretending to be dangerous drugs",
Blow Energy Drink Mix! Here's what I've gathered from their
AMAZING WEBSITE (which I've been looking at for the last 44 hours straight, cranked out of my head on booger sugar, just rolling over those pictures of the hot coke babes, with the volume up and my shirt off):
- Blow comes in powder form, just like real drugs, piles of which are visible throughout the website, just to make sure none of you drug-addicts forget that this drink is supposed to be drugs!
- Based on the nutritional facts provided, it appears to be made primarily from 37 Red Bulls worth of Taurine, enough caffeine to paralyze most household pets, and the steroid-enhanced sweat of 4 meatheads from a nightclub in Jersey.
- The drink mix comes in a number of handy assortment options, including "12 Vial Brick", "The Recreational User Pack", "The Fiender's Hook-Up" (which at $200, costs more than just buying real drugs), and "The Value Crate Of Personal Failure, Ruined Relationships and Broken Dreams".
- Do you love doing drugs and drinking drug-related energy drinks so much that you want EVERYONE to know how big of a part drugs play in your life!?! Well look no further than the handy merch section, where you can purchase your very own "I <3 Blow" t-shirt to tell the whole world to avoid you at all costs. And don't forget the matching thong (which is way less awkward than having to tell people you have an STD).
- Unsatisfied with advertising your drug problem ONLY with your clothes? Then don't miss all the other "gear" like this VIP Blow Card (for doing drugs!), I Love Blow stickers (for your neglected kids!), and even "I Love Blow" temporary tattoos (since you can't actually afford to have that sentiment permanently displayed on your body).
- Should this brilliant venture finally blow up (unfortunately, it looks like it won't), and Blow Energy Drink Mix takes its rightful place between 50 Cent Vitamin Water and Crunk Juice in convenience stores across the country, the geniuses who created it already have a full line of follow-up products they're just waiting to introduce, including Bolivian Marching Talcum Powder, Smackwell Snack Products, Freebase Vaporizers, Crack Rock Candy, Nitrous Oxide Whitening Toothpaste, Pill-Pops popsicles, LS-DVD digital media formatting, and Band-AIDS!