Our Real Goals
In Personal Development-speak we are always talking about goals, outcomes, success, desires and dreams. In other words, all the stuff we want to do, achieve and create in our world. And while it’s important for us to know what we want to achieve (our goal), it’s also important for us to understand why we want to achieve it; the reason behind the goal or some would say, our real goal.
Exploring the WHY
Sometimes when we explore our “why”, (why we want to achieve a certain thing) we realise that our “what” (our goal) might not actually deliver us the thing (feeling, emotion, internal state) we’re really seeking. For example, the person who has a goal to lose weight in the belief that weight loss will bring them happiness, security, fulfillment, attention, popularity and the partner of their dreams. In this instance, their “what” is weight-loss and their “why” is happiness (etc.) and a partner. Six months later, they have lost the weight (achieved their goal) but as is often the case, they’re no happier, no more secure, no more confident, no more fulfilled and in keeping with their miserable state, they have failed to attract their dream partner. After all, who wants to be with someone who’s miserable? They achieved their practical goal but still failed to have their needs met. So they set a goal to lose another ten pounds. And then another. And maybe just ten more. With the destructive and erroneous belief that if they can get thin enough, they’ll find their own personal nirvana. And we all know how that story ends.
Our Motives
The important thing in the process of constructing our best life is not necessarily what goals we set (what we think we want) but what motivates us towards those goals (what we really want). The sooner we begin to explore, identify and understand what motivates us towards certain achievements, acquisitions or outcomes (that is, we begin moving towards greater consciousness and self awareness), the sooner we will make better decisions for our life, set more intelligent (and dare I say, enlightened) goals and experience more fulfilment and less frustration. We all know people who have achieved what they set out to, only to end up in the same place or worse (emotionally, psychologically, sociologically) because what they were chasing wasn’t really what they were needing. What we think we want will rarely provide us with what we actually need.
Our Internal State
We all set specific goals to achieve/acquire certain things (a job, a car, a partner, a better body, a bank balance, a title, a victory) because on some level most of us believe (consciously or not) that the achievement of those goals will bring us what we really seek; joy, fulfilment, happiness, safety, peace, recognition, love, acceptance, respect, connection. Of course, setting practical, material and financial goals is an intelligent thing to do considering the world we live in and how that world works but… setting goals with an expectation that the achievement of certain things in our external, physical world will automatically create an internal state of peace, contentment, joy and total happiness is an unhealthy and unrealistic mindset to inhabit.
What We Want and What We Need
Sometimes we need to look beyond the obvious (superficial) goals to discover and secure what we really want. Sadly, we live in a collective mindset which teaches that the prettiest and the wealthiest are the most successful. Some self-help frauds even teach this message. If you’re rich or pretty, you’re happy. If you’re both, you’re very happy. Pretty isn’t what we really want; it’s what we believe pretty will bring us. Same goes with money. When we cut through the hype, the jargon and the self-help mumbo jumbo, we all have the same basic goals, desires and needs: joy, fulfilment, happiness, safety, peace, recognition, love, acceptance, respect, connection.
What We Don’t Need
Nobody needs a mansion or a sport’s car but we all need love. Nobody needs massive pecs, six percent body-fat, a face lift or bigger breasts but we all need connection, acceptance and understanding. Nobody needs to be famous but we all need peace, calm, balance and happiness. The problem is, we live in a culture which teaches that one equals the other. If only we lived in a culture which taught that real success is far more about what’s happening in our internal environment, than our external one.
Different but the Same
It’s a commonly-held belief that we’re all very different and we all have different goals but in many ways we’re not, and we don’t; we all want essentially the same things. Now all you have to do is see past the fraud and deception and find the right path.
Craig Harper (B.Ex.Sci.) is a qualified exercise scientist, author, columnist, radio presenter, television host, motivational speaker and university lecturer. For the past 25 years he has been a leading presenter, educator, motivator and commentator in the areas of personal and professional development. You can visit Craig's blog at Motivational Speaker.
译文:
目标的设定--探究隐匿在其背后的原因
真实意愿所设定的目标
以个人发展的角度来说，我们经常畅谈于自己的目标，结果，成功，希望以及梦想，总而言之，就是关于一些生命中想做、想获得和想创造的东西。诚然，知道要做些什么并且得到些什么，对我们每个人来说是非常重要的，但是，了解为什么要做这些、得到这些东西，对我们来说，也是非常重要的。隐匿于这些目标背后的原因，我们将之称为是我们的真实意愿下产生的目标。
探索其背后的原因
有时当我们在探询（为什么想要得到某些东西）原因的时候，就会意识到，那些所谓的目标其实未必就是我们真实意愿的体现，未必就是我们内心世界真正想要追求的东西。就以设定减肥为目标的人群来说吧，在他们的观念里，减肥会带给他们快乐、安全感、满足感、美感和人气，此外也会得到他们梦想中的伴侣。在这个例子中，目标是减肥，而原因则是快乐等情感以及梦想中伴侣的获得。于是在6个月以后，的确，他们成功的完成了目标、减轻了体重，但是在通常情况下，他们并不会感到更加快乐、安全、自信和满足，反而仍然处于自怨自哀的状态中，也没有吸引到他们梦想中的另外一半，毕竟，谁会愿意和那些自怨自哀的人共度一生呢？所以说，虽然他们完成了目标，但是却没有真正满足内心的需要。因为那些根本没有依据、错误的想法，以为如果变的足够苗条，就能实现自己的梦想，于是他们想减掉10磅，然后10磅之后再10磅，永远没完没了。其结局不言而喻！
动机，即真实的意愿
构建完美生活的那些重要的东西，其实未必就是我们所设定的那些目标，也就是那些我们以为自己想要的东西，反而是隐匿于这些目标背后我们的真实的意愿，也就是我们真正想要的东西，才是最最重要的。于是，如果我们越快的开始探询这些目标背后的意愿，找到我们建立在某个目标背后真正的想法（也就是越快的开始自我觉醒和自我发现），就能越快的为生活和事业做出更好的决定，设定更加明智的决定（我敢说，肯定能够启发我们），也能获得更加多的满足感、减少失落感了。众所周知，那些完成预定目标的人，其实只是完成了一小部分，但是在其他方面（比如情感上、心理上和社会地位上）可能反而会更加失落，因为他们完成的东西并不是他们真正意愿上想获得、真正需要的东西。那些我们以为我们想要的东西，其实，并不会真正的让我们得到心理的满足感。
我们的内心世界
我们都会通过设定一些特殊的目标来达到获得某些事物（工作、汽车、伴侣、健康的身体、平衡的银行开支、职位或者胜利），因为在某种程度上，无论是有意识或者无意识的，大多数人都相信，只要完成了这些目标就能获得我们内心真正的追求，也就是对于欢乐、满足、幸福、安全、宁静、地位、爱情、认可、尊重和人与人之间的联系的追求。当然，设定那些实际的、物质的、现实的目标确实是聪明的选择，是认真考虑了我们所生活的世界的实质以及运转情况的结果。但是，有一个例外，那就是在设定目标的同时，我们也要考虑到设定这些特殊的目标也是我们内心世界的追求，因为物质世界的满足会自发的创造出内心世界的宁静、满足、欢乐和幸福本身就是只有不健康、也不现实的人才会有的想法。
想要得到的和真正需要的
有的时候，需要我们透过那些所谓的表面目标、探究到隐匿其后我们真正的意愿。但是不幸的是，我们生活在这样一个集体生活中，一直标榜着那些美好的和富贵的人就是最最成功的人，那些提倡自助的人士更是将这种论调标榜到了极至。如果你的生活富贵的或者美满的，那么，你就是快乐的，如果你的生活是既富贵又美满的，那你就更加幸福了。但是，美满却不是我们想要的目标，而是美满的感觉才是真正我们想要的东西。金钱亦是如此。在浏览那些广告、行话、自助宣言的时候，可以发现我们所有人都拥有相同的基本目标、欲望和需要，那就是快乐，满足，幸福，安全，宁静，地位，爱情，认可，尊重以及人与人之间的那份联系。
我们所不需要的东西
我们都不需要皇宫，也不需要豪华轿车，但是，我们都需要爱。我们都不需要发达的胸肌、只有体重百分之六的脂肪、一种精致的脸孔或者很大的胸部，但是，我们都需要人与人之间的联系，认可和理解。我们都不需要变成明星，但是，我们需要宁静、冷静、平衡和欢乐。问题是，我们身处的文化告诉我们两者同等重要。甚至，这种文化告诉我们，真正的成功远比我们内心世界的满足来得更加重要。
殊途同归
人们普遍认为，我们每一个个人都是不用的，我们所拥有的目标也都不用，但是事实上，并不如此，可以说，在很多方面，我们都是相同的个体，而我们，都拥有相同的目标，我们都想要获得相同的东西。现在，你必须审视那些过时的欺骗和诡计，好好找到属于你的正确的人生路。
Craig Harper (B.Ex.Sci.) 是一位资深的研究锻炼的专家，同时，也是一位作者、专栏作家、电台播音员、电视主持人、演说家和大学讲师。在过去的25年里，他在个人和专业发展方面，已经成为了一位举足轻重的主持人、教育家和评论家。你可以访问他的博客Motivational Speaker.