When to Worry and Seek Help For Your Child Of course we love our kids and worry about them. But when should we worry—really worry—enough to seek professional help? It’s a question that haunts parents. To any of you ever wondering “if your child's behavior is just a phase” here are my four rules for when to pick up the phone. (And by the way, any one rule can be enough to seek advice of a professional.)
When to pick up the phone and seek help for your child:
- Not normal. The behavior is not typical or appropriate for your child’s developmental age.
- Paternal instinct. You just know deep down that something is not right—despite what anyone else may say. No one –absolutely no one—knows your child better than you. If you think something is wrong, act on that instinct. Chances are you are correct even though the therapist, pediatrician, teacher, psychologist, and Dr. Spock himself said otherwise.
- Daily life affected. The behavior is impacting your child’s school, social or home life. If this issue continues it stands to damage your child’s reputation, character, emotional health as well as your family life.
- Your child is struggling. I deeply believe that the majority of kids don’t mean to act out or misbehave. They want to please us. So when you see a child repeatedly engaged in a destructive behavior or behavior that is not typical, something else is amiss. Meanwhile, your child is hurting. And if not helped, his self-esteem and relationship with his friends and family will suffer.
If the problem has been going on
too long with no relief, and everything you’ve tried isn’t working, then it’s time. PICK UP THE PHONE. Whenever you’re in doubt,
get help. Why wait? And if don’t get the right advice (you're not satisfied and it's not helping your child), then keep going and going and going until you do.
This week questions came from two different mothers about what I call “
The Big Worry Factor.” Though the issues these mothers bring up are as different as night as day (from potty training at age eight to excessive worrying about illness) both have a stark commonality: A mom who is deeply concerned whether her child’s behavior is “normal” or something more.
Check back tomorrow when I will answer both questions! And please: if you have a parenting question,
don't hesitate to ask!
All the best!
译文:
当事情远不止“只是暂时性的”
何时该为你的孩子担忧，何时该为你的孩子寻求帮助 诚然，我们爱自己的孩子并为他们忧心。但是，我们何时该为他们担忧——真的担忧到要去寻求职业性的帮助的地步。这一问题困扰着家长们。如果你们中的任何一位一直认为“我孩子的行为只是暂时性的”，以下，我为您提供了四条规则，告诉你何时应该拿起电话（这四种方法中的任意一种对你寻求职业性的帮助而言都绰绰有余）。
何时该为你的孩子担忧，何时该为你的孩子寻求帮助： 当孩子的行为异常时。当你孩子的行为就他这个年龄段而言并不恰当或合适时。
凭父母的直觉。你深知有些地方不正常——不要在乎其他人怎么说。事实上不会有人比你自己更了解你的孩子。如果你觉得有些地方不对了，凭着你的直觉你也应该采取行动。很有可能即使治疗学家、小儿科医生、老师、心理学家及斯波克医生（美国儿科学家、教育家及作家）都与你观点相左，但你仍然是对的。
孩子的日常生活收到了影响。这种行为正在影响你孩子的学校、社交及家庭生活。如果这种情况持续，它会影响你孩子的名声 、个性、情感健康及你的家庭生活。
你的孩子在抗争。我深信大部分的孩子并不是想行为乖张举止不当。他们也想取悦我们。所以，当你看见你的孩子不断重复一个不好的举动或者做出不寻常的行为时，一定有些地方出现了偏差。同时，你的孩子也收到了伤害。如果不及时帮助他，他的自尊及他与朋友和家人间的关系就会收到影响。
如果问题持续很久并且没有得到缓解，你所有的尝试都不起作用，那就是时候打电话求助了。无论何时你感到些许怀疑， 去寻求帮助吧。为什么要等待呢？如果你没有得到恰当的建议（你对给出的建议不满意而且它对你的孩子没有帮助），那么继续去寻求帮助，知道你找到合适的建议为止。
这周的问题来源于两个完全不同的母亲，我把她们的问题称作是“
最大的隐忧”。虽然这些母亲提出的问题截然不同，犹如白天与黑夜般相去甚远（从针对八岁孩子的上厕所训练到对疾病的过度担心），这两者都有一个很明显的共性：母亲都深切关心着自己孩子的行为是否是“正常”还是有其他的问题。
明天再来核对一下吧，这两个问题我都会回答的！还有，如果你在教养孩子方面遇到了问题，不要犹豫，
来问我吧！
万事如意！