Let’s face it. Being a parent is stressful. It always has been and probably always will be. But I think being a parent today is far more stressful than it was when I was raising my kids. And I’m not alone. According to a poll by Parents Magazine, most parents feel they worry far more and are under more stress than their parents were. And many of them think that their children are under more stress than they were when they were young.
(Parenting expert Michele Borba tells TODAY's Al Roker why your children are getting anxious, the symptoms and how you can help. Watch the video.)
And why? Well we live in frightening times. Terrorism. War. School shootings. Online pedophiles. Suicide bombings. Anthrax. Kidnappings. Global warming. Tsunamis. Here is just a sampling of what moms and dads said were their top parenting concerns about their kids today:
* Sexual predators in their community
* Media influence on children
* Peer pressure on children
* Violence in schools
* Kids growing up too fast
* Sexual predators on the Internet
* Bullying and teasing at school
* Lack of role models for kids today
But if parents are feeling a bit jittery about these issues, just imagine how our kids must feel. Think about it. This is the Columbine Generation of kids. It’s the first generation of children who have watched broadcasts of war, terrorist attacks and school massacres in their living rooms. Make no mistake: the image of the world as a mean and scary place is affecting our kids’ well-being. And that’s my big worry about our children!
A recent survey conducted by MTV and The Associated Press of over 1300 teens nationwide found that only 25 percent feel safe from terrorism or traveling. The vast majority admitted that their world is far more difficult than mom or dad. Just consider a child growing up today vs. yesterday. I’ll never forget reading one study when I was working on my doctorate in the 1980s. The study said that 1950s kids’ biggest fears were loud noises, snakes, insects, and a parent’s death. Now fast forward 50 years later to today. The most pressing teen stressor is still a parent’s death, but new research studies find kids say that “Violence” has replaced loud noises and snakes. But the biggest fear many teens say: “I’ll never live to see the future.” Only twenty-five percent of our kids feel safe from a terrorist attack or traveling.
Constantly hearing about troubling world events does more than just increase our children’s anxiety. It also alters their view of their world. Many child experts are concerned that today’s kids are developing “Mean World Syndrome.” It means they perceive their world as a mean and scary place.
Of course, we can’t always protect our kids and assure their safety, but we can help allay those fears and help them see their world in a more positive light. Here are a few parenting strategies you can use to help reduce your stress and your child's anxiety.
1. Tune in to your child’s worries. Start by observing your child a bit closer to see how he handles stress. Each child copes differently, but how does your kid deal with pressure? Does he have difficulty concentrating or is he excessively irritable? Does she react fearfully to sudden noises, revert to immature behavior patterns, act out or have tantrums or nightmares? If you can identify how your child generally handles stress, you’ll be able to tune into it before it mounts to the boiling point, and you'll be able to help him find ways to reduce it.
2. Monitor the “fear factor.” Don’t assume that, because your kid is older, news events don't affect him. A Time/Nickolodeon study found that preadolescents said that those TV news bulletins that interrupt regular programming were especially disturbing. They also admitted being even more anxious if a parent wasn’t there to help explain the event to them. If your kids do watch the news, watch with them to answer their questions. And take that TV set out of your kid’s bedroom! You can’t monitor it in there (46 percent of parents on this survey admitted that their kids do have a TV in their bedroom).
3. Keep yourself strong. The Parents Magazine survey found that moms and dads were far more stressed today than their own parents were. Is there one thing you can change about your daily habits that might help you reduce that stress? Don’t expect to be able to help allay your kids’ stress levels until you've found a way to keep your own in check. Are you really watching what you eat (and reducing anxiety-increasers such as caffeine and sugar), exercising, getting enough rest, seeking the support of friends, or spending a quiet moment alone? Parenting Priority #1: Keep yourself strong so you can take care of your kids.
4. Cut one activity. Just one! The survey found that the vast majority of parents didn’t feel they had enough time to be with their kids. So take a long, hard look at that schedule. Is there one thing you can cut each week that, in the long haul, won’t make that much difference? The book club, the violin lessons (your kid hates anyway), cooking the “gourmet dinner” every night. Your kids mirror your behavior and will be calmer if you are calmer.
5. Pass on good news reports. Draw your child’s attention to stories of heroism and compassion – those wonderful simple gestures of love and hope that people do for one another (that are always on the back page of the paper). Find those stories in the newspaper and share them with your child. You can also encourage your kids to watch for little actions of kindness they saw others do and report them at the dinner table. Many families call those “Good News Reports.” It’s important to assure your children that there’s more to the world than threats and fear. Your actions can make a big difference in helping to send them that message.
6. Do stress-reducing activities as a family. I know your time is tight. But maybe you could find a way to reduce stress with your kids. Anxiety is an inevitable part of life, but one of the most important things you can do as a parent is to help your child learn to cope with pressure. Walk to school with your kids. Join a health club with your teen. Do yoga with your daughter. Go biking riding with your preschoolers. Push your baby in a stroller as you walk.
These are tough times for everyone—but especially for our kids. Stress symptoms are showing up in children as young as three-years-old. If your child shows signs of anxiety for more than a few weeks or if you’re concerned, don’t wait. Seek professional help.
Meanwhile, what are you doing to take care of yourself? Remember, you can’t take care of your kids unless you take care of you.
What are your biggest worries about today? Do you agree with the Parents magazine survey? Do you think parents – and kids – are more stressed than previous generations? I do. Just wondered what you thought.
Love to hear from you! And thanks for all those fabulous comments about spoiled kids! Wow. My mailbox is flooded. That topic sure hit a chord.
译文:
担心的思维仅仅存在于成人?请重新思考!
让我们面对身为父母是有压力的这个事实吧，它过去一直存在，以后也会．当我抚养小孩的时候，发现在今天当父母比过去有压力多啦，但是我不是孤独的，根据一份父母杂志的民意调查，大多数父母感觉他们比以前他们的父母更担心、更有压力。同时大多数的他们认为他们的孩子比他们小时候更有压力。
（父母专家Michele Borba告诉今日报的Al Roker为什么你的小孩越来越着急，你怎样才能解决这种症状，请观看录象）
为什么呢？所有的我们都生活在恐惧的年代，恐怖主义、战争、校园枪击案、在线虐童症、自杀爆炸案、炭疽热、绑架、全球变暖、海啸。下面仅是一部分父母对孩子教育关心的问题。
*社区里的性侵害
*媒体对孩子的影响
*孩子身上的贵族压力
*校园的暴力
*孩子生长速度过快
*互联网上的性侵害
*在学校欺负他人和被他人欺负
*没有为孩子做好榜样
但是如果父母对这些问题感觉过敏的话，可以想象你的孩子的感觉，好好地思考一下吧！这些孩子是科隆比纳的一代，这是第一代看着战争长大的，恐怖袭击和发生在他们宿舍的校园屠杀，肯定无疑的是：这个世界是一个环境恶劣而又容易受惊吓的地方的形象影响着我们的孩子平静的生活。这才是我最担心孩子们的地方。
最近ＭＴＶ调查显示，全世界范围内参与调查的１３００名青少年只有２５％的人从恐怖主义或旅行中感觉到安全，大多数人承认他们的世界比他们的父亲或母亲更要难得多，比较一下孩子成长的今天和昨天，我永远不会忘记我在２０世纪８０年攻读博士学位的时候读到的一份研究，该研究说２０世纪５０年代最害怕的是噪声、蛇、昆虫、父母的死亡。快速发展５０年的今天，青少年最害怕的仍然是父母的死亡，但是新研究表明孩子恐惧“暴力”取代了噪声和蛇。但是最害怕的很多孩子说：“我活着看不到未来。”只有２５％的孩子从恐怖袭击或旅行中感觉到安全。
不断地听到了恼人的世界事件增加了孩子的忧虑，同时改变了他们的世界观，许多孩子专家担心今天的孩子发展成
“低劣的世界并发症”，这就是说他们的病症来源于恶劣的社会环境和令人受惊吓的世界。
当然我们总不可能保护你的孩子和确保他们的安全，但是你可以帮助他们减缓他们的恐惧和帮助他们已积极的心态来认识这个世界，下面是一些父母策略你可以用来减缓你自己的压力和孩子的忧虑。
１．调整孩子的担心的情绪。开始观察孩子最近如何处理他们的压力，每个孩子处理的方式不同，但是你的孩子如何处理压力？他是很难集中还是他过分急躁？在突发事件面前她反应是不是害怕？恢复到未成熟的行为状态，自己去做还是发脾气还是做噩梦？如果你可以识别你的孩子通常是如何处理压力的，在没有发生激烈的观点之前你就可以调整它，你也可以帮助他找出解决问题的方案来减缓他们的压力。
２．监视“害怕的因素”。不要设想这些，因为你的孩子长大了，一些新事情不会影响到他，时代／五分钱娱乐场研究发现青少年专家说这些电视新闻简报将妨碍正常的节目是尤为让人烦恼的，他们也承认如果父母不向他们解释事情的缘由，他们将会更担忧。如果你的孩子看新闻，和他们一起观看并回答他们的问题，把电视搬出孩子的卧室，你不可能一直监视他们（４６％的父母在这项调查中承认他们的孩子的卧室里有电视）
３．保持你自己坚强．父母杂志调查发现父亲和母亲比过去他们的父母亲要更有压力，只有一种方式你可以改变你日常的习惯来帮助你解决你的压力吗？知道你发现有种方法可以控制好你自己的情绪，你才能希望能帮助孩子减缓他们的压力。你准备好了知道你吃什么（减少忧虑增加比如咖啡和糖），兴奋，足够的休息，寻找朋友的支持或者自己单独呆会儿吗？父母优先#1：保持你自己坚强你才能照顾好你的小孩。
４．减少一次活动。一次！调查发现大多数父母感觉他们没有足够的时间陪孩子，所以在计划表上做一次长的、认真的观察，只有一件事情你可以减少每周的活动，从长远的时间来看，它不会造成你有很大的不同？读书俱乐部，小提琴课（你的孩子很讨厌的），每晚做可口的晚餐，你的孩子会记住你的行为，你保持镇静他将也会。
５．传递好的新闻事件。把你的孩子注意力吸引到故事中的勇敢和激情中去，这些美好的简单的姿势是爱的表现，希望人们为他人考虑（尽管报纸上总会有黑暗的一面），发现这些新闻故事应和你的孩子一起分享，你也可以鼓励你的孩子从一些小方面来观察友好比如他们看到其他人在做和在餐桌上报道他们。许多家庭称这些为“好新闻报道”，对保证你的孩子是十分重要的，让他明白这个世界不仅仅是威胁和害怕。你的行为在帮助他们传递信息起着不同的作用。
６．全家参加减压活动。我知道你们的时间很紧，但是你可能发现方法为你的孩子减少压力，忧虑是生活中不可避免的一部分，但是最重要的一点就是你身为父母有义务帮助孩子去学习减压的方式，和你的孩子一起去学校，和你的孩子一起加入健康俱乐部，和你的女儿一起去做瑜珈，和你的学龄前孩子去骑自行车，当你去散步的时候，推上你的婴儿。
这些是为你在紧张的时代准备的，但是尤其是你的小孩，压力综合症正向3岁的孩子呈现出来，如果你的孩子有几周的担忧的症状，或者你注意到了，不要等，寻找专业的帮助。
同时，你自己如何照顾你自己的呢？记住，你不能照顾你的小孩，除非你照顾好了你自己。
今天你最大的担心是什么？你赞成父母杂志中的调查吗？你认为父母-孩子是不是比以前的时代更有压力呢？我认为是，想知道你是怎么想的。