Building relationships is essential for having a fulfilling life, but - as we all know - it’s not without its problems. Even close friendships could have problems every now and then. That’s why it’s important to learn about relationship problems and how to overcome them. While there are many relationship problems that could happen, I believe they boil down to just two. These are the basic problems that cause other problems in relationships. Here they are:
1. Misunderstanding
Misunderstanding is perhaps the most common problem in relationships. Sometimes your friends misinterpret what you do or say. Or it’s you who misinterpret them. Depending on the maturity of the people involved, such misunderstanding could be solved quickly or it could open the way to more serious problems.
Misunderstanding is caused either by lack of quality or quantity in communication. You could spend a lot of time to communicate with your friends (for example, with your roommate), but if the quality of the communication is low then there is a good chance that misunderstanding will happen.
The problem could also happen because you and your friend don’t communicate often enough. If both parties are busy, they may not have the chance to communicate what they need or want which may eventually lead to misunderstanding.
2. Selfishness
Another common problem in relationships is selfishness. Perhaps both parties understand what the other party needs, but one or both of them are not willing to give it. They prefer to just keep it for themselves. In this case, the problem is lack of action instead of lack of understanding.
For example, it takes time to build relationships but we may be too busy to provide time for others. While we can’t generalize the case, being busy could be a form of selfishness. Just wanting to be understood without trying to understand is also a form of selfishness.
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These two basic problems cause many other relationship problems. Being judgmental, for instance, is often caused by selfishness. We want others to meet our expectations and we blame them when they don’t.
Anger could be caused my misunderstanding. You may think that your friend does something bad to you while she actually doesn’t intent to. Perhaps she does you good but you misinterpret it. Misunderstanding causes us to misinterpret positive as negative.
These two relationship problems may seem simple, but solving them requires serious effort. It may take years or even lifetime to learn how to solve them. But being aware of them is a good first step because we can’t win a war if we don’t even know the enemy.
In a future article, I will discuss ways to solve these problems.
This article is part of August 2008 theme: Relationships
Photo by hypertypos
译文:
两大基本关系问题
建立良好的关系是成就人生的基础，但我们也都知道，在这过程中也是存在问题的的，就像即便再亲密的朋友都会时不时的发生问题。这就是我们要学习关系问题并且如何克服这些问题的原因。在处理关系的时候可能会发生很多问题，但是我相信归结起来就是两点，它们是导致其他关系问题的根本问题。它们是：
1.误解
误解可能是关系问题中最常见的一种了。有时候，你的朋友曲解了你的所作所为或者你曲解了他们。这种误解可能会被很快解决，也可能会导致更严重的问题，这就要看当事人是否成熟了。
缺乏交流或者交流不够好都可能会引起误解。也许你花了很多时间和你的朋友交流，（比如你的室友），但是如果你们的交流质量很低，误解可能就会产生了。
当你和你的朋友不常沟通的时候，误解也会产生。如果双方都很忙，他们就没有机会交流，也就不知道对方想要什么，需要什么，最后就可能导致误解产生。
2. 自私
关系问题中另一大问题就是自私。也许双方都清楚对方想要什么，但是一方或者两个人都不愿意给予，都只想要把它们留给自己。在这种情况下，问题就从缺乏了解转变成了缺乏表示。
比如，维持关系要花时间，但是可能双方都很忙不愿意腾时间给对方。虽然我们不能一概而论，但是忙是自私的表现，想要被理解却不试着理解别人同样也是自私。
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这两大问题导致了关系问题中很多其他问题。比如说，独裁通常就是由于自私造成的。我们希望对方来满足我们的期望，当他们做不到的时候，我们就指责他们。
误解可能会造成愤怒。你可能会觉得你当朋友做了什么不利于你的事，但事实上她不是故意的。也许她是为了你好，但是你曲解了她。误解会让人把好事当做坏事。
这两大关系问题看似简单，但解决起来很费力，可能要花几年甚至一生的时间来解决。但是意识到这两个问题是良好的开始，因为知己知彼，百战不殆。
在后面的文章里，我会谈谈如何来解决这些问题。
这篇文章是2008年8月关系主题的一部分。