Where do our Beliefs Come From
Have you ever wondered why you believe what you believe? Have you ever considered where your beliefs came from? How they got there? Was it an intentional process? Did you embrace those beliefs consciously or did you just wake up one day and there they were; curiously stuck inside your head? Possibly with a big “do not remove” sign on them. Do you ever question them? Doubt them? Resent them? Are you even aware of them, or do they exist independent of your conscious self? Did you intentionally choose them? Did you learn them via your experiences? Did you adopt them from someone that you respect and trust? Or perhaps you had them rammed down your throat by an authority figure somewhere in your past? Do your current beliefs propel you towards greatness or do they keep you trapped in mediocrity, monotony and misery? Do they serve you, or do you serve them? Who’s really running the show?
Under-Achievement Central
Do they help you achieve your dreams and goals, or do they keep you in your own private mental and emotional prison? Do they enable you to explore your potential and do amazing, or do they keep you in your safe, familiar, predictable little box (Under-Achievement Central)? Do they help you see things clearly and objectively, or do they predispose you to looking at the world through a very (very) small window? Are your beliefs flexible and subject to change depending on your experiences and your life lessons? Or are they set in stone? Do you determine them, or do they determine you?
But What if it Ain’t True?
Have you ever thought about living your life with a different set of beliefs? Have you ever considered the possibility that perhaps some of your life-long, firmly-entrenched, non-negotiable beliefs… could be completely wrong? May even be the very things that have caused you to inhabit an existence that you don’t enjoy? Does it make you uncomfortable to consider the possibility of having to completely change the way you think and believe about certain things in your world?
“Our ability to effectively change a belief, will be largely determined by our level of emotional investment in that particular belief.”
In other words, there are certain beliefs that we desperately want to be true and when we’re presented with information, ideas and/or situations which challenge or contradict those beliefs, then we will typically react negatively and possibly, irrationally. Of course you don’t want to believe that Dear Old Dad has been having an affair for the last five years, after all he’s Your Dad; the poster boy for morality, stability, integrity and family values. You know (believe) he would never do anything like that, yet now you’re presented with a situation that throws your stable, predictable and comfortable internal world (your mind) into turmoil. It completely messes with your belief system. You’ve just walked in on Dear Old Dad kissing Mrs Granger from over the fence in a non-neighbourly manner. Your non-negotiable belief (that Dad is the high-watermark for moral behaviour) has been smashed in the face with reality. You feel sick, repulsed, hurt and betrayed because something you’ve believed for so long has just been ripped out from under your feet. One of your core beliefs (that Dad is an honest, reliable and moral man) has been shattered. Even though you see it with your own eyes, on some level you can’t believe it. It doesn’t match the reality in your head. You frantically try and reconcile what you’re seeing with your belief about your Father. You desperately try to create a scenario in your head which will keep your core belief in tact and allow you to stay in your delusion. “I’m hallucinating. I’m drunk. I’m imagining things. I must have mis-interpreted the situation.” Yep, that’s right Junior; Mrs. Granger has hijacked your Father’s lips against his will.
Is Religion an Emotional or a Spiritual Thing?
Religion is a great example of being emotionally invested in a set of beliefs. While most people would consider religion to be an essentially spiritual thing, I would suggest that more often than not it’s also largely an emotional thing. For some, it’s an entirely emotional thing. You and I both know people who have been going to church (synagogue, temple, etc.) for years, with little or no spiritual understanding or awareness. Their ‘religion’ is based on a bunch of emotions (guilt, fear, anger) and rules that need to be complied with (that’s what their beliefs tell them anyway). People who have life-long religious beliefs typically won’t even consider that perhaps there’s something else. Option B. They have too many years and too much emotion invested, to even entertain the notion that they could possibly be misguided, misinformed or even completely wrong in their thinking.
What do You Believe about that Whole Messiah Thing?
Let’s take Jesus for example; either he was the Son of God… or he wasn’t. I can’t really see the Jewish and the Christian communities getting together any time soon for an informal, open-minded chat on the matter. “Hey what do you guys think about that whole Messiah thing?” Nup, not gonna happen. Both religions know that they’re right, so it’s not up for discussion. Their beliefs are non-negotiable. Let’s be honest, I wasn’t there, you weren’t there, none of us were. We don’t actually know, we just believe. If we categorically knew that Jesus was the son of God, then we wouldn’t need faith because we would have indisputable knowledge, and faith is all about believing in something that we can’t prove. With me?
A Different Truth
He may have been the Messiah, he may have been a gifted prophet, or he may have simply been a great bloke. I don’t know, but I do know that just by writing this paragraph I will alienate and offend some people because their level of emotional investment in their religious beliefs won’t even allow them to consider something different. Some people will get angry, disappointed, resentful and even hurt; all emotional reactions to a logical discussion and some reasonable questions. But we feel like guilty betrayers (more emotion) if we even dare to consider another truth, or sneak a peek over the spiritual fence. So we cut ourselves off to the possibility of learning something different or new. By the way, this is not an article about spiritual exploration, I’m simply using the religious example because most of us can relate in some way.
There are things we know to be true (the sky is blue) and there are things we want to be true (my partner would never cheat on me). When we’ve believed something for a long time, we have (knowingly or not) an emotional attachment to that belief. That belief is familiar, comfortable and safe for us; three things we enjoy. It gives us a level of predictability and certainty. It could be said that “who and what we are, is because of what we believe”; our beliefs shape us. For some anyway. For others it could be said that “who and what we believe is because of who we are”; we shape our beliefs. For far too many people, their life simply becomes a process of conforming to pre-existing (often negative and destructive) beliefs. Kind of like living out a pre-determined script for our life. Which is why many people become clones of their parents.
So Where do our Beliefs Come From?
1. Our influences. From the moment we’re born, we are constantly being bombarded with information from a myriad of sources. Our beliefs are often heavily influenced, if not shaped, by the people in our world - especially those closest to us. Those we love and respect the most. Or perhaps just those we spend the most time with. Both our conscious and our unconscious minds are continually absorbing, interpreting, filtering and processing information. Much of what you and I absorb in a typical day happens without our conscious awareness; it happens despite us. From infancy, our parents, our siblings, our friends, our teachers, our heroes, the TV we watch, the music we listen to, the books we read, the places of worship we attend and in 2008, even the websites we frequent, have been influencing us to think, behave and believe a certain way. If you grew up in a situation or environment which taught you that education and academic excellence is paramount, then there’s a fair chance you’ll demand that your kids finish school and go to college.
2. Our experiences.
What happens to us, teaches us. Some of us see ourselves as poor students when we’re actually not. We all have an amazing capacity to learn (we do it constantly) but most of our learning happens unconsciously and unintentionally. Sadly, not all of our ‘lessons’ empower us or put us in a better place. Some of our lessons teach us that we’re stupid, ugly, undesirable and incapable. Some experiences are the basis for many of our disempowering (or totally debilitating) beliefs. For many of us to move forward and into a better place (mentally, emotionally, physically, practically), we need to unlearn much of what we’ve made ‘truth’ in our world. That is, we need to change our beliefs. We’ll talk about how to do that in part two.
Different Types of Beliefs
Types of beliefs have been classified in various ways by various people over the years, but I’m going to dumb it down and lose the psycho-babble because I’m not nearly as clever as them. For practical reasons I will break beliefs down to three simple categories:
1. Positive Beliefs. These are Beliefs that enable us to stay in a positive, productive, creative and empowered headspace. Beliefs that allow us to explore and fulfil our potential. Beliefs that push us through the discomfort of life, allow us to deal with our fears and to come out the other side stronger, wiser and better equipped. Beliefs that give us the confidence to do what we need to do to create our best life.
2. Negative Beliefs. Obviously, the polar opposite of the positive kind! They will destroy your potential, your happiness, your relationships, your career, your confidence, your mental health and your life… if you let them.
3. Incidental Beliefs. Exactly as they sound; not typically life-shaping or changing, just there. I believe Tasmania is a beautiful place. I believe a Lexus is a better product than a BMW. I believe the sun will come up tomorrow. I believe boxing is one of the most effective cardio workouts. We have thousands (millions perhaps?) of beliefs that just exist somewhere in the recesses of our brain. Mostly they don’t live in the conscious realm unless we are required to wheel them out for a particular conversation or situation.
That’s enough for now… my head hurts!
See you next time with Part Two.
Craig Harper (B.Ex.Sci.) is a qualified exercise scientist, author, columnist, radio presenter, television host, motivational speaker and university lecturer. For the past 25 years he has been a leading presenter, educator, motivator and commentator in the areas of personal and professional development. You can visit Craig's blog at Motivational Speaker.
译文:
是你，决定了你的信仰，还是你的信仰，决定了你？（第一部分）
我们的信仰究竟来自于何方？
你是否曾经感到疑惑，为什么要信仰我们所信仰的东西？你是否曾经寻找答案，究竟我们的信仰来自何方？他们是通过何种方式最终成为了我们的信仰？难道这真是一种内在的心理因素吗？你是否自觉的愿意为这些信仰所影响，或者，你只是在某天醒来之后就发现你已经拥有了这些信仰；那么他们是否时刻充斥在你的脑海中警醒着你的意识吗？很有可能在你的脑海中存在这样一种潜意识，让你永远也不要驱除这些信仰。那么，你是否曾经对这些信仰提出过疑问、质疑他们、憎恶他们？你是否曾经意识到他们的存在，或者，他们是否独立于你的意识之外而存在？是否是你自己潜意识地选择了他们，或者，通过一些个人经历得知了他们？是否是某些让你尊重以及相信的人让你接受了他们，或者，可能是缘于某个你过去人生中出现的权威人士，强迫你接受了这些信仰呢？目前你的信仰是否能够推动你、成就你的伟大，或者他们只能继续让你陷身于平庸、乏味以及多愁善感呢？究竟是他们在主导你，还是你在主导他们，究竟谁才是真正的操控者呢？
实现中的核心
他们会帮助我们，实现我们的梦想和目标吗，或者只会将我们禁锢在自己思想的牢笼中呢？他们会帮助我们，开发我们的潜力，做下创举，或者只会将我们关在一个安全、熟悉、可预见的小笼子里呢？他们会帮助我们，更加清晰、客观的看待周围的事物，还是只能让我们通过一个狭隘的眼光来看待这个世界呢？你所拥有的信仰是灵活的、会根据我们的经历和生活经验的改变而改变，还是坚如磐石、永远不会发生改变的呢？究竟是你，决定你的信仰，还是这些信仰，决定了你呢？
但是，如果这不是真的，又将如何？
你是否曾经考虑过换一种信仰、换一种生活呢？你是否曾经考虑过这样一种可能性，这些你所谓的终身的、坚定不移的、毫无回转变换余地的信仰有可能是一个彻底的错误呢？甚至有可能说，他们正是令你郁郁寡欢的罪魁祸首呢？对于存在于这个世界中一些特定的事物，是否一旦想到要彻底改变对他们的观念和想法就会让你产生不快呢？
“改变一种信仰，其有效程度，很大一部分是取决于我们对于特定信仰的情感投资程度。”
换言之，有一些特定的信仰是我们极其希望他们是真实的，所以一旦面临那些置疑或者与这些信仰形成鲜明对比的内容、想法或者境况时，我们就会表现地特别消极，甚至很有可能表现的非常不合理。当然，你不会想要相信你亲爱的年迈的父亲在过去的五年中发生了什么不幸，因为，毕竟，他是你的父亲，而你，也是出于家庭的道德、稳定、完整和一种家庭的价值观。你知道也相信他永远不会做出那样的事情，但是现在，你陷入了这样一种窘境，不得不将你内心世界的稳定、预见和安逸弄得乱七八糟，你的信仰也会变得一团乱。当你刚刚跨进父亲的家中，问候了Granger，这位刚刚以一种非常不友好的姿势跨过围墙的夫人。之后，你那没有任何商讨余地的信仰（也就是父亲持有高标准的道德行为）就跟现实发生了很大的冲突。你感到难受、难以置信，觉得自己受到了伤害和背叛，那完全是因为你长期信仰的东西被你亲自颠覆和改变的缘故。你坚实的信仰之一，即你的父亲是一个诚实可靠、道德良好的人就发生了巨变。即使你是亲眼所见，在某种程度上你却还是无法相信，它与你脑海中的事实大相径庭。然后你努力尝试，将所看到的事实与你对父亲的印象相调适，绝望在脑海中创造一个假象，在幻觉中继续保持你的中心信仰。“我产生了幻觉，我喝醉了，这些事情都是我想象出来的。我绝对不能将它与事实搞混了。”但是，这都不是事实，事实是，Granger夫人已经与你的父亲发生亲吻，即使这是违背他的意愿的。
宗教是否是一种情感上或精神上的寄托呢?
宗教是一个很好的例子，充分表现出了人们对于一系列信仰的情感寄托，虽然大部分人认为宗教是一种非常有必要的精神寄托时，我却认为其实宗教远不只此，它更加是一种情感寄托。对某些人来说，宗教完完全全是一种情感的依附。其实大家都知道有这样一些人，虽然他们对于精神的意识或者理解全无概念，但是他们还是会常年坚持去去教堂、集会或者寺庙诸如此类地方进行礼拜或者诵经。他们的“宗教”其实是源于他们的需要，他们需要一些信仰来驱逐他们内心的波动，比如罪恶感、恐惧感以及愤恨感。尤其是那些长年奉持宗教信仰的人们，更加不会考虑那些宗教以外的因素了。另外一种说法是，因为他们已经坚信了那么多年、付出了那么多情感投资，所以这些有可能是错误的信息或者是那些完全没有根据的信息也早已在他们的脑海中根深蒂固。
对于耶稣，你有何见解？
就让我们以耶稣为例，他究竟是不是上帝的儿子呢？其实，我从来没有听闻过任何犹太组织或者基督教组织在某时某地，就这一说法，聚集在一起进行任何非不正式的、开放的讨论。“嗨，你们大家对于耶稣究竟有什么想法吗？”不，至少现在还没有发生。但是，信奉宗教的人们都认为自己是正确的，所以也没有必要进行讨论，他们认为他们的信仰是没有任何讨论余地的。但是，事实上，我不是这样的人，你们也不是这样的人，我们大家都不是这样的人，其实我们都不知道其中的一些深意，但是我们就是在信仰着。假如我们能够绝对相信耶稣就是上帝的孩子，那么我们也就不需要什么信仰了，因为这是如此的毋庸置疑，因而无需所谓的信仰，因为信仰就是那些我们所不能证明的东西，同意吗？
一个不一样的事实
他，有可能是一个救世主，有可能是一个天才的预言家，也有可能就是一个伟大的人而已，他究竟是谁，我并不确定，但是，我非常确定，因为这篇文章，我将会得罪那些在宗教信仰上付出颇多情感而绝不允许他们考虑宗教以外事情的人，他们会觉得愤恨、失望、憎恶，甚至觉得受到了伤害，他们会表现出所有关于逻辑讨论和理性问题所能做出的任何情感上的反应。因此，如果我们胆敢寻求宗教以外的真相，或者偷偷研究那些精神依托，我们就会觉得自己是一个精神上的十恶不赦的叛徒，所以，我们从不给予自己任何尝试新事物的机会。其实，这篇文章并不是要探索那些精神物质，我只是想通过我们所熟悉的宗教来举个例子而已。
这个世界存在这样两种事物，一种是我们确认的真理，就好像，天是蓝的，另外一种是我们希望的真理，比如说，我的另一半从来不会欺骗我。每当我们长时间的坚信一样事物，无论是有意或者无意，我们都会产生一种情感的依附，最终衍生为一种信仰。信仰是为我们所熟悉的，可以让我们感到惬意和安全的，同样，它也是可以预见、具有一定准确性的。有人认为：正是那些我们所坚信的东西成就了今时今日的我们，所以，也可以说，是我们的信仰决定了我们，对于一些人就是这样，而对于另外一些人，他们会认为正是因为我们是何种人，决定了我们会坚信的东西，也就是说，是我们决定了我们的信仰。对于大多数人而言，他们的信仰其实就只是在继续坚信那些早已存在着的，通常是消极的、悲观的想法而已，比如说，不要照着预定的人生轨迹生活，这就是为什么很多人都逐渐成为他们父母翻版的原因了。
那么，我们的信仰究竟来自于何方？
1. 外界的影响。自我们出生的那一刻起，我们就不断受到外界因素的包围，于是，我们的信仰就受到了严重的影响，特别是受到了那些我们身边的、喜爱和尊重的人的影响,如果没有受到任何影响的也只能是那些活在自己的世界中的人了。另外一种影响的来源是那些与我们长期生活在一起的人。在这两种情况下，无论是意识还是非意识的，我们的大脑都一直沉浸在这些讯息中，进行重新组织、过滤和处理。其实，我们每天所接受的信息大部分都是毫无察觉的，它们都是在自然而然的情况下发生了。自出生的那一刻起，我们的父母、兄弟姐妹，我们的朋友、老师以及偶像，我们看得电视、听得音乐、读得书，我们做礼拜的地方，甚至是那些我们经常去留然的网页，都会在一定程度上影响我们的思想、行为和信仰。假设你是生活在这样一种环境之中，将教育和学术著作摆在极其重要的地位上，那么，你也非常有可能会要求你的孩子们完成大学课程。
2. 我们的经历
发生在我们周围的事情也会影响我们。有些人会觉得自己并不是一个好学生，但是事实上，并非如此。其实，我们都具有一种惊人的学习能力（并且一直保有着这样一种能力），但是，大多数时候，这种学习能力是非我们所能意识到或者感受到的。遗憾的是，并非所有学习能力都能给予我们力量或让我们处于一个不错的境遇，因为有些学习会告诉我们，我们是多么的愚蠢、丑陋、不受欢迎和无用，所以很多这样的经历就造就了很多不好的信仰，甚至是非常摇摆的信念。对于很多想要发奋上进、力求在精神上、心态上、身体上、生活上都打到一个更高、更好状态的人来说，需要摒弃很多促成所谓事实的东西，也就是，我们需要改变我们的信仰，而我们也会在第二部分中来探讨改变的方法。
不同类型的信仰
这些年来，不同的人，根据不同的方法，可以把信仰的种类划分为不同的类型，而我，不会对其中任何的一种进行任何评论，因为我并不如他们一样聪明。基于一些实践性的原因，我将会把信仰划分成如下三种简单的类型：
1. 积极的信仰。这些信仰，令我们能够处于一种积极有效的、有创造力的巅峰状态，使得我们能够不断探寻、满足自身的需要，帮助我们度过生活中的挫折与困难，勇敢面对所有担心与害怕，走出阴影，变得更加强大、更加睿智，能力更加强。这些信仰给予我们信心，让我们能够大施拳脚，做任何能够改善生活的事情。
2. 消极的信念。很明显，这是积极信仰的另一个极端！如果拥有这些信仰，那么这些信仰就会破坏我们的潜力、快乐，影响与周围人之间的关系，打压我们的事业和信心，影响我们的精神健康和生活……
3. 偶然的信念。 顾名思义，这些信念并非典型，也不随时间的改变而改变，总之，他们就是这样，比如说，我深信塔斯马尼亚是一个美丽的地方，深信雷克萨斯要比宝马好，深信明天太阳依旧会升起，身心拳击是最有效的有氧训练之一。我们可能具有成千上万甚至上百万种这样的信念，他们是没有任何原因的，就存在于我们的大脑意识中了。但是，其中大部分，都不属于意识范畴，除非我们在某个特定的环境中强迫自己想起他们。
目前为止，这些信息已经足够了-----我的头也痛死了！
期待与您在第二部分中继续商讨。
Craig Harper (B.Ex.Sci.) 是一位合格的实践专家、作者、专栏作家、电台主持人、电视节目主持人、激动宣传人以及大学讲师。在过去的25年里，他已经在专业以及专业发展的领域里成为了一个领导性的讲师、教育者、鼓舞者和评论家。你可以访问Craig's 的博客 Motivational Speaker.