I was so young and so scared at that time in my life. My world was crumbling apart….I was in a God awful marriage and I felt so alone. My relationship with my mother had been strained throughout my teenage years, and now she was dying and my life was about to change…
It was October when I found out that the cancer results were positive regarding her breast. It was spreading quickly to all her bones, and the surgeon had removed one of her ribs during the surgical removal of her right breast. Time was ticking and I was going to lose her.
During this time I felt alone and forsaken by God. My husband's mother was an alcoholic and that didn't help things. She was pretty much intoxicated on a daily basis. I didn't have anyone to really talk to.
My sister had taken over all the responsibilities regarding my mother and did not let me help her. I think maybe she wanted help---- but she didn't like my husband and I felt distant to her at that time. I did visit my mother anyway and took her for walks out in the sunshine. My mother loved the sunshine. When she was well-she had a garden and she spent many days in the garden close to the sunshine.
I remember when she died and how I crawled into her hospital bed, and just laid next to her. I felt like the lion cub that had lost its mother.
The day before she died I bathed her with my sister and washed her hair as she was being transferred to the community hospital nearer home. We knew she was close to death. She told us both we were naughty sisters as we bathed her.
The night before she died I stayed for a long period of time in her room--- as her breathing was labored and her life was fading away.
To this day I still miss her. I remember things about her-bits and pieces. Sometimes I dream about her and I am with her again. Other times I don't miss her and remember all the politics within the family in relationship to my brother and sisters. I was the black sheep of the family at that time.
My family has drifted apart. I remarried and now am with someone who loves me-- but what marriage doesn't hold problems of its own.
I can still feel her presence at times. I can smell her perfume, and I can feel her sadness when I feel sad. I know I look like her and I have her eyes. As for thoughts concerning the afterlife-I believe there is one and I will be with her someday.
译文:
纪念我过世的母亲
那时，我还小，还很害怕，我的世界几乎要崩溃了，我处在一个莫名糟糕的家庭里，感到十分孤独。我和母亲的从我十几岁的时候起关系就很紧张，现在，她过世了，我的生活也在改变。
10月，母亲的乳腺癌确诊了，并且迅速扩散倒骨头里，医生在割掉她的右乳的时候移除了一根肋骨。时间慢慢流逝，我也将失去她。
那时候，我是觉得自己是一个被上帝抛弃了的孩子，很孤独。我的婆婆是个酒鬼，从不帮忙做事。她每天都喝得醉醺醺的，我连个可以说话的人都没有。
我的姐姐担负起了所有照顾我妈妈的责任，不让我帮忙。我想她是需要帮忙的，只是她不喜欢我的丈夫，所以那段时间我们很疏远。不管怎么样，我都会每天去探望我的母亲，带他去散步晒太阳。我母亲很喜欢阳光，她身体好的时候都会几天都呆在自己的园子里，享受阳光。
我记得她过世的时候，我爬到她医院的病床上，躺在她边上，就象一只失去了母亲的小狮子。
她过世的前一天，她转到了离家近些的社区医院，我和姐姐帮母亲洗澡，洗头发。我们知道她快过世了，她在洗澡的时候说我们很顽皮。
她过世的前一晚我在她房里呆了很久，她吃力地呼吸，生命正在慢慢溜走。
知道现在我依然想念她，记得有关她的点点滴滴。有时候，我会梦倒她和我又在一起了。有时候，我不想念他，只是记得和哥哥姐姐接的关系政策。那时候我是家里的害群之马。
我的家散了。我和一个爱我的人再婚了，但是婚姻仍然存在着问题。
有时候我能感觉到母亲还在。我能嗅到她的味道，在我难过的时候感受到他也在悲伤。我知道我很象她，尤其是眼睛。至于以后的生活，我想终有一天，我会和她在一起。