In her hurry to find you a mate, mother forgot to inform you about a few things that you may encounter when living with somebody. This may be because she became accustomed to overlooking them or maybe they were taboo subjects that she felt uncomfortable speaking about. Either way, you deserve fair warning - so here goes.
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Gas Expulsion
Even though all humans are capable of it, apparently, only the males are supposed to do this loud and proud when others are within earshot. It seems to be akin to a proud gorilla thumping its chest in victory and are especially tickled when there are other males present. However, when a female does this out loud, she should be ashamed and embarrassed or find something to blame the noise on. -
Illness
Females in a household must never get sick; should this ever happen, it is pretty much a guarantee that the male will become deathly ill very soon thereafter - sometimes within minutes. So much so, that the female will need to recover immediately in order to care for her mate. -
Sleep
The females best bet is to go to bed first in order to fall asleep before the male does and begins to snore (not that women don't snore, but…). There is also the issue of “sleep fights” this is not a form of domestic violence, but rather a carelessly flung arm, elbow or fist that one spouse or the other accidentally hits their sleeping mate in the face with. The bed is also where one learns that a “Dutch oven” is not for baking “Dutch bread”. -
Bathroom
The female will need many shelf space in the bathroom for all of her necessities, she will also need plenty of time to complete all of the steps that maintain her appearance. One should also keep a high quality air freshener in the washroom for obvious reasons. The female will also need to become accustomed to replacing the toilet paper roll because the male seems to have great difficulty accomplishing this task. He may also need reinstruction from time to time on how put the toilet seat back down. -
Closet Space
Unless each spouse has their own room, closet space will have to be shared. In order to enable this, the female will likely have to toss out many articles that the male has been hanging on to, and no longer has any need for. All articles that the female has kept will no doubt be very useful at some point in the future, and will be putting any excess space in the closet to good use. -
Dining
Most males will eat anything if they think it will please their spouse, also if it will get them out of having to cook on a regular basis. It would be a smart thing to keep a good restaurant on speed dial for the days it is the male's “turn to cook”. -
Driving
Males love to drive. The bigger and faster the vehicle, the better. When driving, if there are any cars ahead of him on the road, they must be caught and passed. Males tend to get very anxious when females express a desire to drive. There is apparent worry about curbs and wheel alignment as well as paint jobs. When the male finally consents to the female's driving, he suddenly becomes very imaginative, by pretending that he has his own brake pedal on the passenger side of the vehicle. -
Remote Control
Even though the remote would seem to be a shared responsibility, it primarily stays with the male. It will even remain clutched in his hand while he naps between programs and reflexively hangs on tighter when the female attempts to pry it loose. Should the remote ever become lost, the male would become extremely agitated and anxious as a child who has lost his security blanket. The male apparently needs this accessory to flick through the channels stopping only to check the scores on sports center or to watch a program when the female has found a chore for him or when she needs to talk.
The female often has this need to verbalize her emotions especially when the male has actually found a show that he likes and will make a point of standing in front of the television and speaking to him when something climactic is about to happen or when there is a part he needs to hear.
Co-habitation is a very rewarding and enlightening event in a person's life. Men and women have many differences that can make for an interesting and wonderful combination. May you and your mate be happy and experience joy every single day. Viva la difference!
译文:
关于同居，妈妈忘记提醒你的八件事
妈妈匆匆忙忙把你嫁出去，却忘记了提醒你当你和别人住一起的时候会遇见的几件事。这也许是她渐渐习惯忽视了它们或是可能她觉得它们是些禁忌话题不好意思说出口。不论是何种情况，你需要直接的提醒——这就开始说说。
放屁
即使全人类都会，显然只有男性才会在有别人听得见的场合大声的放屁还很自豪。可能就和一只骄傲的大猩猩胜利时会捶打自己的胸膛且在有其它同性在场时尤为开心一样。然而，当一名女性放了个响屁时，她会觉得羞耻而困窘或是把这声响责怪到别的东西头上。
生病
家庭里的女性一定永远不能生病。如果她生病了，十有八九男人也很快就会病的很严重，有时甚至就只是几分钟里的事。如此一来，女人就需要立刻康复来照顾自己的伴侣。
睡觉
女人最好的办法是抢在男人睡着打呼噜前先上床睡着（不是女人就不打呼噜，但是）。这也是个“睡眠战争”的问题，不是种家庭暴力，而是一方伴侣不小心意外地把胳膊，肘或是拳头朝着他们睡着了的伴侣挥去。床也是一个人学会看似平均共享的也没有绝对的平均的地方。
浴室
女人会需要浴室里的很多隔板的空间来放她所有的化妆品，她也会需要很多时间来完成她保养的所有步骤。显而易见，洗手间里需要放一个高品质的空气清新剂。女人要习惯跟换厕所的卷纸因为男人貌似在完成这件事上有很大的困难。他也时不时的需要提醒怎么样把马桶的坐垫放下。
壁橱空间
除非夫妻双方都有自己的房间，不然壁橱的空间是要共用的。为了好好的利用空间，女人会要把男人挂进去的但不再有什么用的很多东西扔掉。所有女人留下的东西无疑会在未来的某个时候派上用场，也会在壁橱里腾出任何多余的空闲。
吃饭
如果可以取悦伴侣或是可以让他们免除日常的烹饪活，大部分的男人会吃下任何东西。在轮到男人烧饭的日子，聪明点的话最好准备好一家不错的餐馆的宅急送电话号码吧。
开车
男人爱开车。车越大越快越好。开车时，若是有任何车子开在他前面，他一定会赶上超车。当女人表示想要开车时，男人会变得很慌张。显然，他们担心道路，担心前轮定位，就如同担心那些油漆活一样。当最后男人终于同意让女人开车时，他会突然变的想象力非常丰富起来，坐在汽车副驾驶的位置却装出副有自己的刹车踏板的样子。
遥控器
即使遥控器看起来该是共用的，它主要控制在男人手中。即使是在节目空当他小憩一下的时候还是把遥控器抓在手里，女人试图让他松手，而他抓的更紧了。一旦遥控器找不到了，男人就会变的超级不安焦虑，像是个丢失了保护毯的孩子。显然，男人需要这玩意不停的换频道，只在要看看体育中心的比分或是在女人让他干件家务或是想聊天时停下来看个节目。
特别是在男人真正找到一个爱看的节目时，女人经常会想要表达她的情感，会站在电视机前和他说话，有什么重要的事情要发生了或是这部分他必须要听。
在人的一生中，与人同居是件非常有益和启发性的大事。男人和女人有这么多的不同，使同居变的有趣而美妙。祝福你和你的伴侣幸福快乐每一天。差别万岁！