Whether it’s our spouse, our children, or with a sales prospect or our boss, one of life’s great challenges is to listen well. Often, we are tempted to think about our response rather than listen. Or, we believe we already know what the other person is going to say, so we simply interrupt or wait impatiently for our turn. Listening, really listening, with our whole being, is a skill and one of the most important compliments we can give another human being. The following 10 “rules” can help.
1. Stop Talking! It is difficult to listen and speak at the same time.
2. Put the other person at ease. Give them space and time and “permission” to speak their peace. How we look at them, how we stand or sit, makes a huge difference. Relax, and let them relax as well.
3. Show the other person that you want to hear them. Look at them. Nod when you can agree, ask them to explain further if you don’t understand. Listen to understand them and their words, rather than just for your turn.
4. Remove distractions. Good listening means being willing to turn off the TV, close a door, or stop reading your mail. Give the speaker your full attention, and let them know they are getting your full attention.
5. Empathize with the other person. Especially if they are telling you something personal or painful, or something you intensely disagree with, take a moment to stand in their shoes, to look at the situation from their point of view.
6. Be patient. Some people take longer to find the right word, to make a point or clarify an issue. Give the speaker time to get it all out before you jump in with your reply.
7. Watch your own emotions. If what they are saying creates an emotional response in you, be extra careful to listen carefully, with attention to the intent and full meaning of their words. When we are angry, frightened or upset, we often miss critical parts of what is being said to us.
8. Be very slow to disagree, criticize or argue. Even if you disagree, let them have their point of view. If you respond in a way that makes the other person defensive, even if you “win” the argument, you may lose something far more valuable!
9. Ask lots of questions. Ask the speaker to clarify, to say more, give an example, or explain further. It will help them speak more precisely and it will help you hear and understand them more accurately.
10. STOP TALKING! This is both the first and the last point, because all other tools depend on it. Nature gave us two ears and only one tongue, which is a gentle hint that we should listen twice as much as we talk.
By Dr Philip E. Humbert, author, speaker and personal success coach. Dr Humbert has hundreds of tips, tools and articles on his website that you can use for your own success! It’s a great resource! Visit him on the web at: www.philiphumbert.com And, be sure to sign up for his great newsletter. Recommended: GoalPro Goal-Setting Software A new method to goal achievement
译文:
有效倾听的10个小建议
无论是面对我们的爱人，孩子，还是一位推销员或是我们的经理，我们一生中最具挑战性的事情是如何有效地倾听。大多数时候，我们会不由自主地思考如何回应别人而不是倾听。也许，我们自信已经明白对方将要说什么，所以就直接打断对方或不耐烦地等待自己说话的机会。倾听，真正地倾听，真心实意地倾听，是我们给予别人的最珍贵的赞美之一。以下10条“原则”将能给你带来帮助。
1.保持缄默！将倾听和说话同时进行是件困难的事。
2.给他人轻松自如的感觉。给予别人足够的空间，时间，让他们自如畅谈。我们看别人的方式，站姿或坐姿，都会给谈话带来不同的效果。要让自己和他人都保持轻松愉悦的心情。
3.向别人表现出你有倾听的欲望。看着对方。当你同意对方的观点时点点头，当你不明白他们的意思时请他们做进一步的解释。你应该听明白他们的话并理解他们，而不只是等待回应他人的机会。
4.把分散注意力的东西拿开。有效的倾听意味着你要关掉电视，关上门或暂停阅读邮件。把所有的注意力集中在说话者身上，让他们知道你真的在听他们说活。
5.体会他人的感受。尤其是当别人告诉你一些隐私或痛苦的经历时，或你在某事的观点上与他们存在分歧时，请将心比心，设身处地为别人想想。
6.要有耐心。有些人需要花较长的时间才能想到合适的词语来表达自己或说明问题。在你急着要回应别人之前，请给予别人足够表达自己看法的时间。
7.注意自己的情绪。如果别人说的话冒犯了你，请仔细听明白他们话中的意图。当我们生气，恐惧或难过的时候，我们常常错过谈话中最重要的部分。
8.不要急于反驳、批评别人或与他人争辩。即使你有不同的意见，让别人先把自己的观点表明。如果你回应的方式冒犯了他人，那么即使你在争辩中“赢”了，你也会失去比争辩更为重要的东西！
9.多提问。请说话者给出例子，将观点阐述得更明白易懂。这有利于他们讲得更清晰，也使你听得更明白。
10.保持缄默。这既是第一点也是最后一点，因为所有原则都基于此。上帝赋予我们两只耳朵，却只给我们一张嘴，这隐隐暗示我们应该多听少说。
这篇文章是飞利浦赫伯特博士写的，他是一名作家，演说家，个人成才培训员。飞利浦赫伯特博士的网站里有成百上千的建议和文章，它们有助于你取得成功。这可是巨大的资源库。请访问他的网站http:www.philiphumbert.com/并且，在他的时事简报中注册。