(This is the conclusion to a three-part story. Part One is here; Part Two is here)
Marisa had just been making fun of Dan. "All he can think of is that he can't get some young body telling him he's the most wonderful sexual superstar in the world. Really, you're so sad, Dan the Man. Ask yourself, please, why this is so important to you? Can you not appreciate music or art if you can't make it yourself? Why is so much of your self-esteem, your sense of self, caught up in the fact that little girls want little boys (or in some cases other little girls) to kiss them, rather than you? The important thing is loving, giving, not what you get in return. If you need something -- a young body or a big house or a fast car or to be famous -- you will always be poor, because you will always have less than what you need. Even if you get this thing you need you will find you need something else that you don't have, and you will always be unhappy. If you give a lot, generously, because it gives you pleasure to do so, and if you need nothing, then you will always be rich and always be happy."
Jack smiled. "Very wise. Thank you. I think the reason my friend has such trouble believing you is that we humans stupidly invented money, and with money comes the belief that somehow money can buy everything you could ever need or want, so it's OK to be needy and acquisitive. And then having invented money we had to invent advertising to create more need and want for things that money could be spent on, so it would become scarce. Otherwise money wouldn't be worth anything. And we had to create a hierarchy so that a few people would actually be able to buy anything money can buy, so that the consumers would keep believing anything can be bought and chasing more money and needing more. And the more need we've created the more unhappy and the more stingy we've become." He sighed, and concluded, "Even with love."
Verdad piped in: "I think you are mostly right -- money is a part of it, this perception that everything, every fantasy, every escape, every source of happiness, can be bought if you pay enough for it. But I think, more than that, it's a matter of idealism. Idealist men are often preoccupied with ideal sex -- that perfect beauty and performance. Idealist women, I think, are more concerned with ideal relationships -- if you've ever read a romance novela you'll understand this (and if you haven't, I'd recommend it). What idealist women want in a man is just as unattainable as the 23-year-old perfect female body the 50-year-old man craves. The idealist woman wants to be courted forever by an adoring, beautiful, exciting, brave, accommodating, protecting man. It's just as dangerous and foolish a fantasy. It is about attention and appreciation that never ends, and we've come to believe we can buy or otherwise obtain these things, so, to the idealist, the impossible becomes possible, expectations are always out of reach, and the idealist is always disappointed, always wanting more. He is addicted to what he can't have. It is really sad."
Jack nodded. "I suppose. There's another important difference between the ideal male and female fantasies you describe, though. The woman's is connected, bonded, enduring, you know, the whole 'touching souls' and 'happily ever after' thing. The man's is the opposite -- frivolous, fun, free of responsibility, one-night, non-committal. What the woman wants can't really be bought, but what the man wants can. The man can actually buy his way out of responsibility. And lust is irrational -- we want to fuck who we want to fuck. We have no choice over it. It's instinctive, hard-wired."
Marisa laughed: "You have a pretty warped view of what women want, and what they are willing to give, Jack. And maybe what most men want too. It's been said that men give love to get sex, and women give sex to get love, but that's an oversimplification. Women aren't all that different from men. If you put yourself in the position of a young woman, if you can do that, I think you'd see it more clearly. Young women are much like young men -- uncertain of ourselves, full of anxiety and hormones, looking for love and for fun, and for relationships and careers to give our lives meaning. Young women want to kiss beautiful young men, and talk about things that only other young people can talk about. You and Dan have no context to know what we want and care about, who we are and what we need. Just as we have no context to understand you, so we dismiss you as -- how you say -- "dirty old men". Of course we can talk about philosophy and politics and the purpose of life with you -- and that is wonderful, it's actually better talking with you about these things because you have more experiences that we can listen to and learn from, you have had more practice at living than we have. But young women are not so different from older women either. The song is not true: Girls don't "just want to have fun". I love all the guys in our commune, and I'm committed to them. We have responsibility to make our community work, to look after each other, to be always honest and to work very hard and to build relationships that will be durable."
Verdad hugged her friend, and added: "There's something else. We women of all ages have a secret. We sustain each other. What we don't get from men we love, we get from other women. So we expect less from these men than men expect from women. The men we know who can't be happy with one woman, who believe it is natural to have many relationships with women, don't know that for many women, they can be happy with one man because they get other things from the women they love. That doesn't mean we have to limit ourselves to one man, of course". She winked at Marisa. "But we could."
"Can I throw something out here in defence of us 'dirty old men'"? Dan asked. He got smiles all around. "There's a kind of self-reinforcing thing to our sexual fantasies about young babes with perfect bodies and perfect faces and an insatiable appetite for sex with us geezers and no interest at all in conversation. That's the thing about fantasies. If you never realize them, you never have to come face to face with the realization that they're impossible. You two are something else -- I think you must be university professors in disguise -- but I realize full well that after a night with what seemed to be my perfect fantasy I'd probably wake up with a woman with lots of hang-ups, remorse, unresolved issues. Maybe deep-seated anguish, or a hate-on for all men or some deep low self-esteem problem or unbearable neediness, not to mention a jealous boyfriend with anger management problems, or a sick relative sucking her dry emotionally and financially. I do remember what it's like to be 23, and it's not a bed of roses. Sometimes the fantasy is just better than the reality."
"So you're saying you keep this impossible fantasy even though you know it's impossible?" asked Marisa. "And why? What are you running away from that this dream has such attraction for you? This seems a recipe to be forever unhappy. Perhaps it is time for you to grow up, if I may say that to a man...er...who is older than me." She smiled a bit apologetically.
Dan smiled back. "Well maybe men are just more idealistic on average than women, but yeah, it's a really nice fantasy, even though I know it's probably impossible. I know some women, including some I've lived with, who have this fantasy about how their relationship with some guy they met back in high school might have turned out. It's a fairy tale, but it has a real hold on some women. The "what might have been" guy is probably now an alcoholic or a wife-abuser or in prison or something, but as long as the woman doesn't know, she can keep holding this "might have been" fantasy guy up as the model she judges everyone else by. I don't see this as much different."
Verdad nodded at Dan enthusiastically. "Yes, yes. Precisely. This is why, at this time in my life, I'm happy to love a lot of men, and learn from this, and avoid that kind of tragic fantasy. My motto is "no laments". I want to be based in reality, live what is possible, and while I am also an idealist, I do not care for fantasy. I can love a guy and still see his faults, his scars, and just love him for what he is, not for what he could be."
Marisa looked at her watch, and announced, "Please excuse us. Verdad and I have to go. We have duties back at the commune. But this has been wonderful, not at all what I had expected. You are true simpático men, Jack and Dan". "I think both of you will learn to give up your fantasies and discover that reality is better, happier, has more meaning. I think you will find that women your own age can give you far more pleasure and true companionship and durable happiness than you believe, far more than anyone our age could give you. As a good friend of mine once said 'We choose our own attractions. They are in us and grow with us.' You will find I think you have more control over your fantasies than you believe. We cannot grow up until we give up our fantasies, our chasing after the impossible."
"Ah", said Verdad. "I have something else to give you, something our friend Seppe made in the commune. Is either of you a gardener?" When Jack nodded, she passed him a stone with these words engraved on it:
There are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going.
"It is words by the diva Beverly Sills. Place it in your garden, Jack, and when you and Dan are talking together about your struggles, you will see it. It will give you strength. It will help you to move on. It's time, I think, for you to move on."
With that the two young women rose, smiled, hugged the older men (Marisa saying to each in Spanish and English, as she did, "Give more, need less"), and they departed. The waiter came over with the bill, and Jack and Dan just looked at each other, and shrugged. Jack paid the bill and signalled his friend to follow him. "Time to move on", he said.
Many thanks to my brother Alan, my sister-in-law Morva, dear friends Andrew and Anona and Colleen and Melisa for their comments and ideas on this story, and on its conclusion. Image: Lions Gate Studios, by my neighbour Laura Tomona.
译文:
不可能发生(3)(完结)
（这是一篇分为三个章节的故事的结尾，想看第一部分请点击这里；第二部分请点击这里）
玛丽斯刚刚和丹尼开了个玩笑。“他现在所能想的就是他找不到一个年轻女性来告诉他他是世上最好的性爱明星，真的，你看起来是那么难过，丹尼，问问你自己，为什么这对你来说如此重要？如果你自己不能做到你为什么不能去欣赏那些你音乐或者艺术呢？你为什么那么要面子，那么自以为是，而觉湎于小女孩们总是想要小男孩（或某种情况下一些别的小女孩）吻她们呢，而不是你的事实呢？你得到什么样的报答并不是最重要的，最重要的是爱和付出。如果你想要什么——一个年轻女人的身体或是一所大房子，或者一辆跑车或都有你很想出名——你仍然会很穷，因为你得到的总比你想要的少。就算你得到了你想要的这些东西你也会发现你还想要一些你还得不到的别的东西，这样你仍然会不开心。如果你给予的很多，很慷慨，是因为这样做会让你很开心，而且如果你并不需要什么东西，这样你就会感到很富有也很开心。”
杰克笑了，“真是智语，谢谢你。我想我朋友之所以把你们想成那样是因为人类愚蠢地发明了钱币，有了钱他就认为他总能得到一些他们需要或者想要的，所以贫穷和贪心是可以理解的。有了钱之后我们不得不发明广告为那些我们为之花钱的东西来制造更多的需要，让钱变得缺稀。不然的话钱根本就没有价值。我们还不得不建立起一个等级制度来让某些人可以买到一切可以用钱买得到的东西，这样消费者就会继续相信什么东西都是可以买得到的。然后我们就会生产出更多的钱，制造出更多的需要。我们需要的越多，就变得越不开心，也就变得越小气。”他叹了口气，总结道，“甚至是爱。”
伍尔戴插口说：“我认为你的说法大部分都是对的——关于钱的是一部分，就是那种认为每样东西，每一种感觉，每次逃脱，每个幸福的源泉，都可以用钱来买的想法。但我认为，更多的问题是一种理想主义的存在。理想主义的男人们会幻想有理想的性爱——美好漂亮的表现。理想主义的女人，我认为，则更关心理想的人际关系——如是你读过任何一部浪漫主义小说的话你就会明白我说的意思（而如要你没读过，那我强烈建议你去读一读）。理想主义的女人们所想要的东西就像是一个50岁的男人想要一个23岁的女人的身体那达遥不可及。理想主义的女人想要永远地被一个令人仰慕的、长得漂亮的、有活力、勇敢、乐于助人、有安全感的男人所呵护。这和幻想一样愚蠢而危险。这是没完没了的设想和愿望，我们还相信我们可以买到或最终会得到我们所想要的这些东西，所以，对于理想主义者来说，不可能的东西要变得可能，愿望总是遥不可及，而理想主义者最后总会失望，总是想要更多。他对于他所不能得到的东西上了瘾，这真的很令人悲哀。”
杰克点点头。“我认为，尽管这样，还是有一种与你所描述的理想主义的男人和女人不同的人。女人所想要的是有婚姻，受到保护，希望感情持久，要想一种‘灵魂的触碰’，‘永远的幸福’之类的。而男人想要的则相反——轻浮，享乐，没有责任，一夜情，不做任何承诺。女人想要的真的没法买到，而男人想要的却可以。男人可以不用负责地买到他想要的东西。而欲望是没有理性的，我们想做和我们想要的人做爱，我没别无选择，这是本能的，无法改变的。”
玛丽斯笑了：“杰克，你大大歪曲了女人们的想要的，还有他们想要给的。或许还有大部分男人们的想法。有人说男人付出爱以换取性，而女人用性来换取爱情，这把这些东西过于单纯化了。女人和男人并没有什么大的不同，如果你把你自己放在一个年轻女孩的位置，如果你能做到那样的话，我想你会看得更清楚的。年轻女人很像年轻男人，说一些只有年轻人们才会说的话。你和丹尼根本就不可能知道我们想要的是什么，在意的是什么，我们是什么人，我们需要什么。就像是我们也没办法知道你们一样，所以我们也不去想你们是什么样的人。——你怎么说的——‘肮脏的老男人’。我们当然可以和你们谈论哲学，政治和人能目标——而且那很有意思。这要比和你们谈这些东西要好得多，因为在这方面你们有更多能让我们聆听和学习的经验，你们比我们有更多的生活实践。但年轻女人和老女人也没有什么太大的不同。像‘女孩并不只是想要快乐’这样的歌并不是真实的。我爱我们小区的所有男人，而且他们都对我做出了承诺。我们有责任保持社区的工作秩序，互相照顾，诚实而努力地工作，互相建立起持久的关系。”
伍尔戴搂住她的朋友，补充道：“还有，我们所有年龄段的女人都有秘密，我们互相支撑，从男人那里得不到的爱，我们从别的女人那里得到。所以，我们对男人的期望要比那些认为与很同女人同时保持关是很自然的事情男人对女人的期望要少得多。他们对女人并不了解，女人可以只拥有一个男人而仍然很快乐是因为她们从她们爱的女人那里可以得到别的东西。当然，那并不意味着我们要把自己限制在只有一个男人的范围内。”她向玛丽斯使了个眼色，“但我们可以。”
“我可以说一些话为我们‘肮脏的老男人’做辨护吗？”丹尼问。他向他们笑了笑，“我们脑中总是有这样一种不断自我增强的性幻想：是关于那些有着完美身躯和漂亮脸蛋的女孩子，他们对于和我们这些吉兹人做爱有着贪得无厌的胃口，但却对谈话的内容不感兴趣。这就是我们的幻想，如果你没有意识到这些的话，你就没有必要知道这些其实都是完全不可能的。你们也有一些秘密——你觉得你们是经过伪装的大学教授——但我知道得很清楚经过一个我自以为是完美的夜晚之后醒来我会发现躺在我身边的是一个充满苦恼，悔恨，喋喋不休的女人。或许正沉浸在极极度痛苦中，或者痛恨所有的男人，或者陷于一些低自尊的想法或一些不可忍受的贫困。更不用说对男友的管制问题的忌恨了。或者被一份病态的关系吸干了精力和财力。我还很清楚地记得23岁是什么样子的，那并不是玫瑰的温床。有时想像总是比现实要好得多。”
“这么说你虽然知道这些幻想都是不可能的但你却仍然存在幻想？”玛丽斯问。“那为什么呢，你是怎么摆脱这种对于你来说如此吸引人的梦想的呢？这样看起来你永远都不会快乐了。也许你是时长大了，如果我可以这么对一个……嗯……比我老的男的说的话。”她略带歉意地笑道。
丹尼也对她笑了。“可能相比之下男人都要比女人理想一些吧，但确实是这样的，这是一种非常奇妙的幻想，即使我知道这也许真的是不可能的。我认识一些女人，包括一些曾经和我生活过的，她们曾幻想与后来她们遇到的高中时候男人的感情会或许会最终实现。这真的是一个童话，但在某些女人心中根深蒂固。她们那些‘或许会实现’的男人现在很可能酒鬼或者虐妻狂或者曾经有过前科又或者是别的，但只要她还不知道，她就仍然会把那个‘或许可以实现的’男人当作一个判断所有男人的典范。现在我看这并没有什么改变。”
伍尔戴热情地向丹尼点了点头。“是啊是啊，确实。这就是为什么，在我生命中的这个时候，我很开心我能爱很多人的男人，并从里面学到东西，避免那种有目的幻想。我的格言是‘没有悲痛’。我想要以现实为基础，有地方住就可以了，同时我也是一个理想主义者，我对幻想并不在意。我可以一个爱男人，但仍然看到他的缺点，他的伤疤，而只是因为他是谁而爱他，而不是他能够成为什么样的人。”
玛丽斯看了看表，提醒道：“请原谅我们，我和伍尔戴得走了，我们回小区还有事要做。这次谈话真的很有意思，是我不曾想到的。杰克和丹尼，你们真是很好相处的人。”“我想你们两个都会学到放弃幻想，然后会发现现实是更好的，更幸福的，更有意义的。我想你们会发现你们这个年纪的女人能给你们比你们原来想的要更多的快乐和陪伴，更持久的幸福，远比我们能给你们的要多。就像我一个朋友说的，‘觉得我们有吸引人的人，是与我们一起长大的那些人’，我想你会发现你想比你所想的更能控制自己的幻想，我们只有抛弃了自己的幻想和对不可能的事物的追求我们才能长大。”
“啊”，伍尔戴说，“我还有些东西要给你们，这是我们的朋友希普在小区里做的，你们当中有人是园丁吗？”看到杰克点头以后她递给他一个上面雕有字的石头：
值得去的地方是没有捷径可寻的。
“这是贝弗莉·希尔斯说的，杰克，把它放到你的花园里吧，当你和丹尼一起说起你们的拼搏的时候，你就会看到它，它会给你力量，会促使你前进。现在，我想，我们该走了。”
两个女孩子站起来，抱住那两个比他们大的男人（玛丽斯同时用用西班牙语和英语对他们说，“给予更多，要求更少”），然后他们分开。侍者带着帐单过来，杰克和丹尼只是互相看了一下对方，然后耸耸肩，杰克付了帐单然然后叫丹尼一起走，“该走了。”他说。
非常感谢我的兄弟艾伦，弟媳莫娃，还有我亲爱的朋友安德鲁，阿诺娜，和莫丽莎的对本文注解意见，本文的图片来自狮子门工作室的，我折邻居劳拉·拖马斯。
类别：短篇故事