原文: Why You Struggle to Connect With Others

Image courtesy of James Jordan

In this day and age, it’s quite apparent that people are connecting everywhere. From the local pub to the cafe across the street, from the stands at the little league baseball field to one of the seemingly infinite number of online chat rooms, people are constantly connecting with each other.

Gone are the days of never talking to strangers. Gone are the days when people proclaimed that all chat rooms are dangerous. Gone are the days when your social circle was limited to your coworkers around the water cooler.

Thanks to our advances in communication, we can connect with whomever we want from wherever we want. If you so choose, you can have friends from all over the world while never stepping foot outside your front door (editor’s note: not recommended).

However, when connecting is such an easy thing to do, why is it that some people still find it hard (and almost scary) to take part in? Why do some people still hold “never talk to strangers” as their mantra?

I personally believe it is because of these three big reasons:

1. News and media

As a kid growing up, there wasn’t a day I watched TV that there wasn’t an announcement of something horrible. Titles similar to “BREAKING NEWS: KIDNAPPER ON THE LOOSE” or “INTERNET PREDATOR STRIKES AGAIN” would normally pop up across the screen. While it’s important to know what’s going on the world, these messages made it seem like the only way to avoid instances like this are to stop going out at night and stay out of every online community.

2. Overbearing Parents

Parents play a big part in our ability to connect with others, and overprotective ones tend to hinder that ability. Overbearing parents tend to keep their children close to them (partly due to the risk touched upon in the first point) and are always ready to retort their child’s plea for adventure with the remark, “You’re too young to understand.” In effect, this implants in their minds a certain misconception that you have to be a certain age before you can make your own decisions, even on things that require you to break out of your comfort zone.

3. Fear of rejection

Rejection is one of the main reasons people don’t just get out there and start connecting. They think if they let themselves become transparent (letting people see the ‘real’ them), they’ll be exiled and condemned as a weirdo. This leads people to falsely believe that the only people who could ever truly understand their ‘real’ selves are themselves.

How do we fix these problems and start connecting?

The solution to all of these problems is quite simple really: all you have to do is take fate into your own hands.

In each of the problems I’ve listed above, you’re giving the power of owning your fate into the control of someone else. In the first scenario, it’s the news and media, in the second, it’s your parents, and in the third, it’s to just about everybody else.

You have to take charge of your life: you have to connect. I doubt people who’ve lived the best lives stayed in the same place for too long or talked to the same people forever. They broadened their horizons and added a little diversity into the mix.

They risked rejection and put themselves out there.

You’re not a kid anymore. The outdated saying of ‘never talk to strangers’ doesn’t apply. Talk to the ones you resonate with, and pass by the ones you don’t.

It’s never too late to start connecting with others, but if you keep waiting until you’re 100% comfortable connecting, it just might be.

Author bio: John Anyasor is the founder of his personal development blog, HiLife2B. There he writes about personal development, college tips, and more.

* * *
Download my free e-book: A Year of Change

Why You Struggle to Connect With Others

译文: 为什么你会努力与人交际？

Image courtesy of James Jordan 

很显然，当今时代，人们无时无刻不在互相交际。从当地酒馆到街对面的咖啡屋，从小社团棒球场的看台到看似无穷多的在线聊天室，人们都在不停的交际着。

曾经的日子：不和陌生人说话，被人们宣称聊天室太不安全，自己的社交圈仅限于饮水机周围的同事们，都已经一去不复返了。

因了通讯的发达，无论我们身处何方，都能与自己想要的人联系。如果愿意，你完全可以足不出户就能结交到世界各地的朋友（编者注：并不建议）。

然而，既然联系是那么简单的一件事，为什么仍然还是有人难以（甚至是恐慌）做到呢？为什么仍然有人视“不与陌生人交谈”为自己的准则呢？ 

我个人认为，有如下3大原因：

1. 新闻和媒体

自孩提时起，就没有一天不在电视上看到一些可怕事件的报道的。比如“最新消息：嚣张的绑匪”或“网络绑架再次出没”这样的标题突然出现在灵屏前是再正常不过的了。虽然了解世界发生的事情很重要，但这些消息却让人以为，避免此类事故的唯一办法就是夜晚不要出门，并远离所有的网络社交。  

2. 父母的专制

父母在我们的交际能力中扮演着重要角色，而且父母的过分保护会抑制我们的交际能力。专制的父母更愿意孩子不要远离自己（部分原因是由于接触第一线的风险），如果孩子们要求出去闯荡，他们也总是这样回绝道：“你还太小，不懂事。”实际上，这就向孩子们灌输了一种误导思想，就是你要长大到一定年龄才能自己做出决定，即便是有些事情要求你摆脱自己的保护伞。

3. 害怕拒绝

拒绝是人们不愿出去与人交际的一个主要原因。他们认为，如果自己太透明化（让别人看到一个真实的自己），他们就会被排斥，被认为怪异另类。这就导致了人们有种错觉，认为真正能懂他们的人只有他们自己。

如何解决这些问题与人交际呢？

问题的解决方法实际上非常简单：就是自己掌控自己的命运。 

以上所列的问题，你在让别人掌控自己的命运。第一个是新闻和媒体，第二个是你的父母，第三个则可以是任何人。

要掌握自己的生活，你就要与人交际。对那些在一个地方生活很久或一直与同一批人交流却生活的很好的人，我挺怀疑的（译者：好像不太连贯）。他们扩展了自己的圈子，缤纷了自己的生活。 

他们冒着被拒绝的风险，走出去与人交际。

你已经不再是个孩子了。“不要与陌生人说话”的格调已经太过时太不适用了。跟与自己有共鸣的人交谈，避开与你无共同话题的人。

与人交际，只要开始就永不为晚，但如果你只是等待，想等到自己有100%的把握可以顺畅交流的时候，也许就晚了。