Whether you are one or ten years away from having the dreaded sex talk with your children, it is still scary enough to send shivers down the most courageous of spines. Even in the open society we live in today, sex is still a taboo subject, especially on the home front and especially when it is the parent who has to do all the talking and teaching. However, a new study published this year in the British Medical Journal is giving parents and guardians hope that these conversations do not have to be as difficult as once thought. Research has demonstrated that a new parenting project learned at the workplace could put an end to the fear and anxiety.
This new program called Talking Parents, Healthy Teens is a project that is geared towards parents of children in sixth to tenth grade whereby parents are trained to overcome their fears on the subject of sex and learn how to best approach the conversation with their children. Mark A. Schuster, the chief of pediatrics at Children’s Hospital in Boston, headed the team that studied the almost 600 participants. These participants worked in large corporations throughout southern California and committed to attending eight weekly sessions during their lunchtime. The parents met in groups of 15 and utilized exercises such as role-playing in order to learn how to first broach the topic, how to converse on taboo sexual topics that would normally leave both parent and child squirming and how to overcome any hurdles that might occur, such as the tendency for teenagers to clam up.
To make this program more successful, participants were taught to actively listen to their children; this approach helps parents avoid interrupting and lecturing their children (common parent traps that immediately send most teenagers into lockdown mode). Parents were also trained in ways to teach their own teenagers about fundamentals like being assertive, having confidence and making decisions. Participants were encouraged to practice their newly learned skills in between meetings by discussing sex topics with their teenagers usually focused around sexually transmitted diseases, contraception and pregnancy. In terms of contraception, the program was sure to support a parent’s right to encourage either abstinence, contraception use or both. Schuster was very positive about the program, “The great thing was that the parents really learned. We’d teach them some skills one week, and they’d come back the next week bubbling over with excitement that they’d talked with their teen about relationships, love, or sex, and–this was the best part–their teen had actually engaged in a real conversation with them, or role-played a topic like how to say no to unwanted sexual advances.” Schuster goes on to say that “Parents are desperate for advice on how to talk with their kids about sex. I get pulled aside in the clinic, at schools, at the park. They know it’s important, but their own parents didn’t talk with them, so they don’t know where to begin. Even other physicians sheepishly ask what to say to their own kids.” Surveys conducted both weeks and months after the completion of the program have shown that effects were both immediate and positive.
译文:
让性交流不再“晦涩”
你是否已经有一年甚至十年没有和你的孩子讨论性这一令人尴尬万分的话题了？现在，即使在我们今天这样开放的社会，性依然令人窘迫和令人难以启齿的话题。特别是在家人面前，抑或是父母在教育或和子女谈话时，性都是一个讳莫如深的敏感话题 。然而，英国媒体期刊今年所推出的一项新研究给父母们和孩子的监护人带来了希望：即这一话题并非他们想象中的那么难。研究表明：在工作场所学到的新父母工程项目会让父母和监护人的这种担忧和焦虑告一段落。
这一项目称为“健谈父母”。“健康青年”很适合于孩子还在读六年级或十年级的父母。父母们接受这一项目的培训以至他们可以克服对性这一话题的恐惧;同时,他们还要学习与自己孩子们交流的最佳方式。马克.恩.史秋特是波士顿儿童医院少儿科的领导，他带领着一支队伍对将近600名参与者进行研究。这些参与者在整个加利福尼亚南部进行大规模地合作，并且在午餐时间参加每八周一次的会议。这些父母们每十五个人组成一个小组聚在一起。父母在会上会使用多种练习方式，比如说角色扮演来交流学习如何引入性这一话题，如何克服与孩子在交流这一令人尴尬的话题中所遇到的障碍，例如大多数的青年孩子都会对此闭口不言等。
为了使这一项目更加成功，父母要学会主动聆听孩子的心声。这一方法可以避免父母在交流中打断他们的孩子或是由谈话变成父母所开的“讲座”。与此同时，父母还要接受培训，从而使自己学会教授孩子基本原则的方法，例如如何变得坚定自信，如何做决定等等。这一项目鼓励父母们将自己在会议上最新学到的技巧应用于他们和孩子的交谈中。而这些交谈的话题主要集中于性疾病的传播，避孕及怀孕。关于避孕，这一项目当然会支持父母鼓励孩子禁欲、避孕及两者相结合的做法。史秋特很看好这一项目，说：“最重要的事情是父母们真地学到了东西。我们每周都会教给他们一些技巧，第二周，他们就会兴高采烈地返回。他们已经和他们的孩子讨论关系、爱或是性，最令人欣慰的是他们的孩子真正的参与到谈话当中来，或者通过角色扮演来说明一个话题，比如说如何拒绝无理的性要求。”史秋特接着说：“通常我在诊所、学校、或是公园都会被拦截住，父母们总是急切地寻求如何与孩子讨论性话题的建议。孩子们也都知道性知识很重要，但他们的父母没有和他们进行交流，因此他们不知道从何说起。甚至连内科医生都会难为情地问道该如何与孩子谈论“性”这一话题。在进行了几周或是几个月的调查后都发现这一项目的效果快又好。