Whining - that pitiful, loud, grating sound - is one of the most irritating of kid behaviors. The pitch is an exasperating blend of crying and nagging that’s annoying as nails on a chalkboard. If that’s not enough, whiners have this amazing ability of stretching syllables so they almost slap you back in your face: “Pleeeeeeease” or “Daaaaad!”
Rest assured, all kids whine occasionally, but the surest way to turn this grating attention-getter into a full-fledged habit is to give in, and let your little nagger “win.”
Take heed: once you back down and surrender, kids usually continue using the technique as a way to get what they want. Worse yet, if not stopped, whining often escalates to back talk, arguing, and tantrums. So the bottom line is: don’t let your kid think it works. Here are the four steps to stop your little whiner.
FOUR STEPS TO SQUELCH WHINING Step 1. Establish a Zero Tolerance for Whining The best way to stop the behavior is to flat-out refuse to listen to nagging requests unless it’s spoken with a polite tone. At the first whimper of a whine, firmly say: “Stop! I don’t listen to whining voices. Tell me what you want with a nice tone.” Then walk away or turn around and ignore your kid. Turn back when the whining stops (even for a few seconds) and say: “I do listen to a nice voice. Can I help you now?” The trick is to not to look irritated or to react. Hmmm. Easier said than done, right?
Step 2. Demonstrate Appropriate Voice Tone Next, show your child what a more acceptable voice sounds like. Please don’t assume he knows the correct way to get your attention. Whining may have become such a habit that he simply isn’t aware of his annoying tone. Take a moment to ensure your child knows what kind of a voice you expect. For example: “Here’s my whining voice: ‘I don’t wanna do this.’ Here’s my polite one: ‘Can you please help me?’ When you want something, make your voice sound like my polite voice. Now you try.” Be careful not to mimic your child: your goal is to be instructional so he understands your expectations without ridiculing.
Step 3. Lay Down Your Rules Announce that from now on he should expect an automatic “no” any time he whines. Then just flatly refuse to listen to even the first note of a whine uttered from your kid’s lips. Usually whining stops when kids realize it’s getting them nowhere, so your child has to realize that your rule is non-negotiable.
Step 4. Set a Consequence If Whining Continues. You may be wondering: “
What happens if my kid still whines?” The answer is simple: you must set an immediate consequence so your kid knows you won’t tolerate it. And it’s the same for back talk, hitting, spitting, or arguing. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you can wait until you’re home to correct your kid’s misbehavior. Wherever the whining occurs is where the consequence must be administered. That may mean the huge inconvenience of changing plans when your kid starts up his whining routine during a shopping outing. But if you really want to end the behavior, you’ll calmly say on the spot: “That’s whining, and you know the rule. We’re leaving now.” Consequences stop bad behaviors, only if they’re used every time the behavior occurs.
Take heed: if you don’t follow through, the whining usually increases. That’s because your child has learned you just might give in.
By the way, if you’re on the road, the best consequence is to use the brakes. Just pull over to the side (when safe) and don’t move. Bring a supply of water and a good book, but pretty soon your kids will know you are serious. Also, please remember to praise your kid when he uses the right voice tone. Breaking a habit takes time, so always
encourage his good efforts. Above all: don’t give in.
I’d love to hear your ideas!
What’s the most creative way you’ve stopped your little whiner? Some moms swear that recording their kid secretly then playing it back so he can “hear” the tone, does the trick. What works for you?
If you have individual questions about your child, please post them. Though I can’t get to them all, I will try to answer as many as I can.
Best to you and your family!
Michele Borba
译文:
如何让孩子停止哭闹
哭闹--那种可怜的、吵闹的、刺耳的声音--是小孩最气人的行为之一。他们又嚎哭又唠叨，混成一种让人恼火的尖叫，就像钉子划过黑板一样讨厌。如果那样不够，哭闹者还有这种神奇的拖长音调的本事：“请嗯嗯嗯嗯嗯”或“爸啊啊啊啊啊！”这样他们几乎就能把那一巴掌打回你的脸上。
放心吧，所有孩子偶尔都会哭闹，但是要想把这引人注意的刮东西般的声音变得训练有素，最稳定的办法是表示投降，让你的小唠叨虫“赢得胜利”。注意：一旦你放下架子表示屈服，孩子们通常就会继续使用这种方法，来获得他们想要的东西。但更糟的是，如果不停下来，哭闹经常会升级成顶嘴、争吵甚至发脾气。因此，我们要遵循的底线是：不要让你的孩子觉得哭闹是可以产生作用的。以下给出四个步骤，您可以用来对付您的小哭孩。
打倒哭闹四步法
第一步：建立哭闹不容忍制
制止哭闹行为的最好方式，是在孩子唠唠叨叨提出要求时直接拒绝听他说话，除非他换一种礼貌的语调来进行表达。在孩子发出哭闹的第一声呜咽时，你就断然拒绝：“打住！我不想听这种声音。你想要什么，好好说。”然后就走开或转过身，不去管你的孩子。等哭闹声停止了（即使几秒钟）就回到他面前说：“我要听你好好说话。你想要什么呢？”这里面的窍门是不要做出生气的样子，也不要做任何反应。嗯...说起来容易做起来难，是吧？
第二步：展示恰当的语调
其次，让你的孩子看看令人比较满意的嗓音是什么样子的。请别假定他知道该怎样正确地引起你的注意。大概 哭闹已经变成了习惯，以至于他仅仅是没有意识到自己发出了恼人的声音。花一会儿时间来确保你的孩子明白你想要他怎样说话。比如：“这是我边哭边说的：‘我不想做这件事。’这是我有礼貌地说的:‘您能帮我个忙吗？’当你想要什么的时候，就让你的声音听起来像我有礼貌时说的那句一样吧。现在你来试一下。”请注意不要去模仿孩子：你的目的是指导他，让他了解你的期望，而不是进行嘲笑。
第三步：制定你的规则
对孩子声明，从现在起，他在每次哭闹时都会自动得到“不”的回答。然后你要做的就是直截了当地拒绝去听孩子哭闹，哪怕从他嘴里发出第一个音调。通常当孩子意识到哭闹也行不通时，他们就会停下来。于是你的孩子就不得不认识到你的规定是没得商量的。
第四步：确定继续哭闹所导致的后果
你大概会想：“要是孩子继续闹会怎么样？”答案是简单的：你必须设定一个直接后果，让孩子知道你不会容忍他这样做。顶嘴，打架，吐痰，或争吵，都会导致这个结果。不要错误地去想你可以等到回家之后再纠正孩子的不规矩。孩子在哪里哭闹，结果就必须在哪里执行。外出购物时，如果孩子还像往常一样哭闹，惩罚他就会改变整个计划，这也许意味着很大的不便。但如果你真想终止这种行为，你可以在当时平静地说：“你是在哭闹啊。你知道规则的哦。我们现在要走了。”只要每次坏行为出现时都产生了某种后果，这些后果就可以阻止坏行为发生。注意：如果你不坚持到底，哭闹通常会愈演愈烈。那是因为你的孩子已经认识到你有可能会作出让步。
顺便提一句，如果你正行驶在路上，最好的结果是使用刹车。只要把车开到路边（在安全的时候）不要动就好了。带瓶水和一本好书，要不了多久你的孩子就会知道你是认真的。而且，在孩子使用正常嗓音和你说话时，请记得夸一夸他。改变习惯需要时间，所以要一直鼓励他所作出的巨大努力。最重要的一点是：不要向孩子屈服。
我想听听您的主意！您让孩子停止哭闹的最有创意的方法是什么呢？一些妈妈发誓要偷偷录下孩子的声音然后播放给他，这样他就能“听到”自己的语调了，那样很管用。对您来说，哪种方法起了作用呢？
如果您有关于孩子的其他问题，请写信告诉我们。虽然我无法对全部问题进行解答，但我会尽可能多地做出答复。
祝福您和您的家人
蜜雪儿·玻芭