A tween girl has many emotions the older she gets. She may be moody one minute and as sweet as can be the next. What is a mother to do with this new person?
A mother is the number one role model for her daughter. Let's face it, you are the one she spends the majority of her time with (either directly or indirectly), and she cannot help but pick up some of your mannerisms along the way. Just try and think back to when you were your daughter's age. Surely you can remember some of the same insecurities, triumphs, and struggles that your daughter is experiencing now.
Signs of Affection
You may still want a good morning hug before your child enters school, but your tween backs off from this ritual. It is very important to realize that it is not you that she is backing away from, but rather her sense of independence and her ability to control a situation that is coming into play. She may be afraid that her friends will taunt her and think she is a mama's girl. Don't be surprised though, if this same person wants to snuggle with you at night while you watch a movie together. Tweens go through phases until they figure out who they are and what they really want.
Showing Respect
One of the best things you can do to keep a good relationship with your daughter is to respect her feelings. Understand that she is changing. She still needs you to be her cheerleader and may even need you for comfort, but give her the space she needs to decide things on her own. For instance, if she wears her hair a particular way, it is okay for you to make another suggestion, but if she wants to keep it the way she has it (and it is not totally inappropriate), then let her. This sends the message that you respect her point of view, and she can make certain decisions on her own.
Controlling Issues
The major problem that rears its ugly head in a mother daughter relationship is the need to control. A mother wants to control her daughter's clothes, friends, and extracurricular activities, while a daughter often rebels against her mother to show she is in control of her own life. This struggle can undoubtedly tear a relationship to shreds. In most cases, the mother simply wants what is best for her daughter's safety and reputation. There are times, though, that a mother needs to let her daughter make mistakes, so she can learn and grow from them.
Here are some helpful hints to help a struggling mother daughter relationship:
Write letters to each other outlining what you expect from your relationship with each other. Read each other's letter in private. This will really open eyes as to how the other is feeling, and better communication may then be able to take place.
Find an activity that you both like to do, and make a point of doing this together. Maybe it is a day at the salon or a sappy chick-flick. Maybe you both like to ride bikes or jog. Finding a common interest can make you both more open to talk and have fun together.
Treat your daughter's victories, such as a good grade on a test, making a sports team, etc., with extra enthusiasm. Let her know that you are proud of her.
Remember to teach your daughter how to treat you with respect. No child should ever have so much freedom and independence that she mistakes it for having control over her mother. The mother is still the authority-figure, and teaching your child how to have that proper respect is of utmost importance.
译文:
母女关系——了解困惑年纪的孩子需要什么
一个小女孩在她的成长过程中，会产生很多情绪。她可能在这一分钟还闷闷不乐，下一分钟又变得讨人喜欢。作为母亲，该如何应对这个孩子？
母亲是孩子最重要的榜样。我们要面对这一点，孩子在大多数时间都与你呆在一起（不管是直接还是间接），在这一过程中，她不能帮你改正身上的缺点，但却会继承下来。试着回想一下当你在你女儿的年纪是如何做的。当然，你可能记得曾与女儿现在所经历的一样，感到不安全、胜利以及争执。
爱的记号
在孩子走进学校之前，你可能还想要一个清晨的拥抱，但是你的孩子却对这种仪式避之不及。你需要认识到的一点是，她并不是要躲开你，而是她想要独立，能控制即将发生的情况。她可能担心自己的朋友会嘲笑她，认为她是离不开妈妈的小孩。而如果这个小人儿在晚上与你一起看电影的时候偎依在你身旁，也不用感到惊讶。在孩子认清自己，并找出自己真正所需之前，需要经历几个阶段。
尊重
想要与女儿保持良好关系，你必须尊重她的感觉。要理解她正在改变。她仍旧需要你成为她的啦啦队长，需要你的安慰，但在她需要独立作出决定的时候，却要你留给她空间。比如说，如果她梳了一个特别的发型，你可以建议她改换其他发型，但如果她想让头发自然生长（而且并非完全不当），那么就由她去吧。这表示你尊重她的观点，并且她可以自己做出决定。
控制问题
母女关系中最大的难题是对控制的要求。母亲想要控制女儿如何穿衣、交友还有业余活动，而女儿经常反抗母亲，来表示她可以掌控自己的生活。这种斗争无疑会把母女关系搞得支离破碎。在多数情况下，母亲只是想保护女儿的安全和名誉。虽然有些时候，母亲需要让女儿犯错，这样她才能从中学习、成长。
以下对有矛盾的母女关系给出了几点有用的提示：
彼此写信，标出在母女关系中，你希望从对方身上获得什么。私下阅读彼此的信件。这样做确实能够让彼此了解对方的感觉，有利于双方更好的交流。
找一个你们都喜欢的活动，并要强调共同参与。可能这一天你们会在美容沙龙度过，或者是看了一部催人泪下的言情片。可能你们都喜欢骑车，或者散步。找到两人的共同爱好，可以让你们更坦诚的交谈，并彼此相处愉快。
对待女儿的胜利，如考试中取得了好成绩，加入了运动队等等，要格外热情。让她知道你为她感到骄傲。
记得教女儿如何尊重你。孩子错以为，控制母亲就可以得到自由和独立，如果是这样，那么没有哪个孩子该得到这些。母亲还要保持权威形象，并最终要的是，要教会孩子何为适当尊重。