Okay, I admit it. I was dabbing away the tears in my hanky last night while watching
Oprah's Big Give. If you missed it, the latest Oprah venture is to put out the call for America's most selfless person. While it's still under the guise of a reality show (sort of), the great twist is that the talk show host is rewarding the most kind-hearted person (without he or she knowing that whoever is the last remaining Good Samaritan will receive one million dollars).
It's not the prize that excites me, but the attention Oprah's new way to “pay it forward” is going to put on the power of doing charitable acts-the hearts and souls of each of her “givers” will be forever changed. Really!
Studies firmly support the theory behind
Oprah's Big Give. By practicing small acts of kindness, people are often guided to perform more widespread acts of compassion even though that may not have been their original intention.Drs. Samuel and Pearl Oliner discovered this phenomenon in their famous landmark study involving the rescuers of Jews from the Nazi persecution. In their interviews, a significant number of those rescuers they had first planned to give only limited help, but their commitment grew once they became involved and saw the impact of even their smallest kind act had on the recipient. And they were never the same. Their kind acts opened their hearts and they just kept on doing deeds of goodness. That's miraculous stuff!
But there is another crucial parenting secret: The Oliners also discovered that how those kind-hearted rescuers were raised greatly influenced the development of their kind-hearted nature. They are important clues to help us understand how to nurture goodness in our children. Here are the four crucial parenting secrets we can use from that research to help us cultivate kindness in our sons and daughters:
- The parents strongly emphasized kindness and expected their children to apply the value to all people.
- The parents administered little physical punishment in disciplining their children, using moral reasoning instead.
- The parents tended to have close, warm, supportive relationships with their children.
- The parents modeled caring behavior in their interaction with people outside the family.
I'm betting Oprah's new way to pay it forward is going to catch on like wildfire-and how glorious if it does. But I'm really hoping that in all the hype, we don't forget that our kids need those same opportunities to expand their hearts as well. Oh, how I'm hoping.
Just something to think about. What do you think?
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of
Building Moral Intelligence: The Seven Essentail Virtues That Teach Kids to Do the Right Thing.
More from Michele Borba:
译文:
给你的孩子灌输仁慈
好吧，我承认。昨晚我在看“欧普拉的大奖”的时候用我的手帕拭了眼泪。如果你错过了它，最新的欧普拉探险是为了找出美国最无私的人。在它还用以真实故事为题材的电视节目作为幌子的是时候，最让人惊奇的是那个脱口秀主持人居然被誉为最善良的人。(他或者她不知道谁到最后是最厚道的人谁将会得到一百万美元。)
其实不是奖品使得我很激动，而是欧普拉新方式的焦点：“越给越多”成为人们做善事的动力。每一个她的“送礼者”的心或是灵魂将会永远改变。真的会。
很多研究支持了欧普拉的大奖如此做的理论。通过做小小的善事，人们通常上都会被启发去做更多的善心行动，虽然那可能不是他们的本意。赛缪尔和皮尔.欧利诺博士发现这个现象是在他们进行著名的划时代的研究的时候。这个研究包括了从纳粹的迫害中走过来的犹太的救助者。在他们的面试中，那些救助者中很重要的一部分人一开始就计划只是提供有限的帮助，但当他们参与并看到他们的甚至是很小的善意行为都被接受的时候，他们开始承担起了更多的义务。同时他们都是不一样的。这种善意行为打开了他们的心扉，他们继续做着善事。那是非常不可思议的。
然而另外还有一个很关键的有关于养育的秘密。欧利诺同时还发现，这些好心肠的孩子是怎么样被抚养长大的在很大程度上影响他们的善良本性的发展。这些都是很重要的提示，可以帮助他们认识到怎样培养孩子的仁慈。下面有四个从实验中发现的我们可以用到的至关紧要的秘密来帮助我们培育我们的儿子或女儿的善心。
- 父母要强烈地强调善良并要求孩子把这种价值观应用到所有人身上。
- 父母应使用极少的身体惩罚来训练孩子，而是使用道德理论。
- 父母要与孩子建立亲密的，温和的，支持的关系。
- 父母在与其他人交往的时候要注意给孩子树立模范作用。
我敢打赌，欧普拉的新方法---越给越多，将会像野火蔓延一样流行。如果是那样的话，那将会多么的显赫！但是我真切的希望，在所有的大肆宣传中，我们不会忘记我们的孩子也需要这些同样的机会去发展他们的心智。是的，我希望！
就去想一些事情，你会想什么呢？
米歇尔.鲍勃博士是《树立道德的智能：教孩子做正确事情的七个基本的美德》的作者。
通过米歇尔.鲍勃你会学到更多：