“Spoiled! Not my kid!” Right?
Or would you admit that your child is just a tad bit spoiled? All the polls say that most Americans feel kids today are more spoiled than ever. A TIME/CNN poll found that two out of three parents feel their kids are spoiled.
A poll by the New American Dream showed 70 percent of parents believe kids are too focused on buying things.
I have to say I agree with the polls.
(Parenting expert Michele Borba tells TODAY's Natalie Morales what parents can do to end those temper tantrums. Watch the video.)
Of course we love our kids and want the best for them. We don't want to see them unhappy for a single second. But indulging their every little whim doesn't do our kids any favors. In fact, there are a few dangers to overindulging kids:
They won't win popularity contests. Forget the birthday party invitations. Spoiled kids are not pleasant to be around. Other children don't like them because they're too bossy and selfish. Adults don't like them because they're often rude and demanding.
They have reduced perseverance. Because everything comes a bit easier, a spoiled child has a tougher time handling the downsides of life. They're used to getting their way ASAP so they not only may have reduced perseverance when it comes to schoolwork, but also a tougher time handling adversity.
They have lower self-esteem. New research shows that always getting what you want leads to depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, more psychosomatic complaints, and worse relationships with parents.You're in danger of getting an always-unsatisfied kid who always wants more.
They may lack character. Watch out. Spoiled kids often measure their worth based on what they have instead of who they are.
The truth is there is no gene for spoiled. We have ourselves to blame for this one -- it's clearly a learned behavior. But how do you know if your kid is spoiled? Here is my four-word test...
The Borba Four-Word Test of a Spoiled Kid
There are four words that typically describe spoiled children. How is your child doing?
NO. She can't handle the word. He expects to get what he wants and usually does. Take my Toy store test: Your child is walking down the toy aisle and wants a toy he doesn't need. You say "no". Can your kid handle "no" -- or does he beg, nag or have a tantrum to get his way?
ME. She is self-centered and thinks the world revolves around her. She thinks more of herself than about others. She feels entitled and expects special favors and generally succeeds in getting them. He watches TV. You do the housework. She doesn't like the dinner. You cook another meal just for her. He wants an extension on his homework assignment that he never got around to doing and expects the teacher to give it to him.
GIMME. He is more into getting than receiving, because he has so much and he just wants more. She's generally unappreciative and a bit greedy. You can't think of what to give her for the holidays because she already has everything. He requests things only by brand name. She bases her character on what she owns and wears instead of who she is. Do you feel more like an ATM machine than a parent?
NOW. He just can't wait and wants things ASAP. It's just plain easier to give in to this child than to postpone his request. She interrupts when you're on the phone and expects you to stop. And you do. She whines to get the cookie "now" -- and can't wait until after dinner.
Any of those words fit your child's typical behavior?
Do you think an outsider would consider your child spoiled?
If so, it's time for a serious makeover.
Next time, I'll give you tips for turning a spoiled kid around. But first, what are your best tips and advice? I'd love to hear from you.
How do you deal with a spoiled child? People on the street share their thoughts.
译文:
有一个被宠坏的孩子？运用我的测试方法来找一找!
“被宠坏了！不是我的孩子！”真的吗？
或者你承认你的孩子有一点被宠坏了？所有的调查都表明大多数美国人感觉现在的孩子比起以前的孩子更受溺爱。一个TIME/CNN的调查发现2/3的父母感觉他们的孩子被宠坏了。
由新美国梦想进行的一次调查表明70%的父母认为孩子们过分地专注于购物。
我不得不说我同意这些调查。
（育儿专家Michele Borba告诉今日的Natalie Morales父母该做什么来终止孩子的乱发脾气。请看视频）
理所当然我们爱自己的孩子并且对他们抱有最大的期望。我们不想看到他们不高兴哪怕只有1秒。但是一味的溺爱对我们的孩子没有任何好处。事实上，过于宠爱孩子是危险的：
他们无法赢得大家的欢迎。忘记生日邀请。被宠坏的孩子不被周围的人喜欢。其他孩子不喜欢他们因为他们太专横,太自私。成年人不喜欢他们因为他们总是缺乏礼貌，有诸多要求。
他们缺乏毅力. 因为一切得来的太容易，被宠爱的孩子更难处理生活的低谷。他们习惯于尽可能的随心所欲所以当他们遇到功课不仅缺乏毅力，而且更难处理逆境。
他们自我评价较低。新的研究表明总是能得到你所想要的会导致沮丧，焦虑，自我评价低，有更多受心理影响的牢骚，以及和父母之间较为恶劣的关系。你的孩子可能会不知满足一直要求更多.
他们可能缺少自己的性格。注意。受宠爱的孩子总是以他们拥有什么而不是以他们是谁为基础来衡量自身的价值。
事实是这种坏是没有基因的。我们自身应对此负责任--显而易见这是一个有学问的行为。但是你如何知道你的孩子是否被宠坏了呢？这里是我的四字测试。。。
Borba对于受宠爱的孩子的四字测试
有四个字可以典型地描绘出受宠爱的孩子。你的孩子如何做的？
不。她无法正确的面对这个词。他期盼得到他所想要的并且情况也总是如此。进行我的玩具店的测试：你的孩子走在有玩具的走道上，想要他不需要的一个玩具。你说“不”。你的孩子能接受“不”--还是他会乞求，唠叨或是发脾气为所欲为？
我。她以自我为中心并且认为世界都围绕着她。她更多的考虑自己而不去考虑其他人。她期盼特别的优待而且总是成功地得到这些。他看电视。你做家务。她不喜欢这顿晚饭。你为了她做另一顿饭。他想要家庭作业的答案,自己却并不设法去做而是想让老师给他。
给我。对于收到的东西他总是不满足,因为他拥有很多并且还想要更多。她不知感激，有点贪婪。你想不出来节日送给她什么因为她什么都有。他要有品牌的东西。她的性格是以她拥有什么，穿戴什么而不是她是谁为基础。你是否感觉你更像是银行自动取款机而不是家长。
现在。他不愿等待，希望尽快的得到他想要的。对于这样的孩子向他屈服比拖延他的请求简单的多。当你在打电话时她会打断你，希望你停下来。你这样做了。她用可怜的声音说她现在就要小饼干--而且不能等到饭后。
以上有没有哪个单词适合你孩子典型的行为？
你觉得外面的人会认为你的孩子被宠坏了吗？
如果是，是时候应该好好改正了。
下次，我会给你一些建议如何去纠正一个被宠坏的孩子。但首先，你最好的建议是什么呢？我期待受到你的来信。
你如何来对付一个被宠坏的孩子？大家都来谈谈自己的想法吧。