Image courtesy of mypixbox
I previously wrote about how to take criticism, a very important life skill. In the comments, someone asked for a post about how to criticize. Good idea! It only makes sense to look at the flip side of the coin.
Some people get a kick out of insulting others. It’s really easy to find some friends, neighbors, politicians, actors, comedians, athletes, or other people who aren’t doing everything exactly to your liking. And when someone is making mistakes, some people feel the need to make sure they know it.
This kind of destructive criticism really doesn’t help anyone. People who partake in destructive criticism often seem to think there’s a limited amount of success to go around, so putting others down makes them feel better about themselves.
That’s crazy. Criticizing someone just for the sake of putting them down makes both of you miserable. Criticism should always be done with the goal of helping the other person improve. So then, how do you deliver constructive criticism?
1. Decide on your objective up front, and remember it.
Are you trying to help the other person improve, or are you trying to win an argument? These are very different goals. What you set out to do sets the tone of the whole conversation, so be clear on your objective.
2. Tread softly.
Remember that they didn’t ask for your advice. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give it, but you should approach with caution. They might be very sensitive, or they might have been dealing with a bunch of unconstructive critics lately.
3. Be aware that you might not know the whole story.
While you might see something you think should be done differently, there might actually be a good reason for it. Before going off on an angry rampage, seek to understand the situation first. Things are often more complicated than they appear.
4. Be careful about the word “why.”
Surprisingly, “why” can be a tricky word. You might use it to ask an innocent question, but it might not be heard that way. It can potentially sound a lot more confrontational than intended. Fortunately, there’s a safer substitute: “how?”
Consider the question “Why did you decide to do that?” vs. “How did you decide to do that?” They’re both asking the same thing, but the latter is showing curiosity, while the former is possibly showing judgment.
If you’re just curious, they’ll be happy to explain their decision. When you get a conversation going, it’s better for both of you. And who knows, you might end up seeing things their way.
5. Say what they can do better.
Don’t point out a problem without also presenting a solution. Telling someone about their flaws is just useless complaining, unless you tell them how they can improve. If you don’t know the answer to that, then what good can come of your criticism?
One possible exception to this is if someone’s planning to do something they’re really not cut out for. Some people really shouldn’t start their own business, and some people really shouldn’t try to become professional athletes. Isn’t it a good idea to stop people from heading down the wrong path? Maybe, but probably not.
It’s possible that you could spare them from disappointment, but it’s much more likely you’ll create resentment for standing in their way. If they’re destined to fail, they’ll probably figure that out soon enough. But a lot of the time, well-meaning people will discourage friends from trying something that’s difficult but achievable. It’s usually not your place to decide whether they should take a risk.
Final thoughts
Nobody is perfect, and we should all take the opportunity to try to improve ourselves and others. Criticism has its place and can serve a useful purpose. Armed with the ability to both give and receive criticism well, you’ll be able to make the most of it.
About the writer: Hunter Nuttall wants you to stop sucking and live a life of abundance. Visit his site to learn how to improve your life and your income.
译文:
批评的艺术
图片由mypixbox提供
我之前曾经写过一篇《如何接受批评》的文章。在生活中，这一技能非常重要。在网友的评论中，有些人希望我能再写一篇《如何批评他人》的文章。这主意确实不赖！只有看过事情的两面才算有意义。
有些人很喜欢冒犯别人。确实，我们身边有许多人像是朋友，邻居，政客，演员，笑星，运动员等等都不讨你喜欢。而每次有人犯错的时候，有些人就是忍不住想批评他们怕他们不知道似的。
这种破坏性的批评完全不能帮到任何人。这些老爱挑刺的主儿常常会觉得自己已经达到了成功的上线，无法突破自我，从而踩低他人似乎就能让他们获得优越感。
这种想法实在太荒谬。只是为了贬低他人而批评只会让彼此都深受其害。批评自始至终都应该是冲着为别人好，希望他们改正的目的而作出的。所以，你该如何给出建设性的意见呢？
1.确定目标，铭记在心。
你究竟时为了别人改进，还是为了赢得一次辩论？这是完全不同的两个目的。你到底冲着什么去的决定了你们之间对话的调调。所以，搞清楚你的目标。
2.柔声细语，心态平和。
你要记住，别人没有征求过你的意见。但是，这也不代表你没有权利提出，不过你要需要小心谨慎。他们很可能非常敏感易怒，也很可能已经听了太多毫无建树的谏言。
3.弄清事实，切勿草率。
当你觉得有人把一件事情处理得莫名其妙的时候，很可能是事出有因。在你不分青红皂白乱骂一通之前，一定要搞清楚真实的状况。事情有时候远比你想象的要复杂。
4.不问为何，只问怎么。
“为什么？”是一句非常微妙的说辞。你可能无心只想问个究竟，却被人误以为另有所指。这句话的语气听上去比故意的还要冲得多。庆幸的是，咱们可以用“怎么会？”来代替。
把“你为什么决定这么做呢？”换成“你怎么会做出这个决定呢？”是不是好很多。两句话其实一个意思。但是前一句显示出你对其不满的态度，而后一句表现出更多的是关切和疑惑。
如果你的确处于好奇而问，他们都会乐意解答为何做出这样的决定。当你们打开了话匣子，对彼此而言都是好事一桩。天知道，等你们聊完了，很可能你也倒向他们这一边了。
5.要提意见，还要建议。
不要只是批评，却没有建议。告诉别人有什么不对只不过是无谓的埋怨，除非你能加上对他们的建议。如果你不知道怎么给予正确答案，那么你的批评又会好到哪里去呢？
对于这种情况的唯一例外就是当某人计划做和自己完全不对路的事情的时候。有些人确实不适合创业，而有些人也真是不太适合做职业运动员。那么及时阻止别人继续走错路是不是个好主意呢？也许吧，但也可能不是。
也许你是想让他们免得后悔少走弯路，但是他们很可能因你挡道而感到愤怒。如果他们天生就不是这块料，早晚自己就会发现。但是大多数情况都是自以为是的人们断送了朋友看似难如登天实则能够实现的愿望。其实往往你都没有立场可以决定他们是否该赌上一把。
尾声：
金无足赤，人无完人。而且我们所有人都该在指正他人的同时自我反省。批评的确有其存在的价值。掌握如何正确对待批评和给予批评就能充分利用批评的价值了。
关于作者：HUNTER NUTTALL 能让你摆脱节衣缩食的窘境，步入丰衣足食的生活。到他的博客上瞧瞧，你就会学到改善生活和收入的方法。