From Reader's Digest

 

When author J. K. Rowling addressed the graduating class at Harvard last June, she didn't focus on success. Instead, she spoke about failure. She related a story about a young woman who gave up her dream of writing novels to study something more practical. Nonetheless, she ended up as an unemployed single mom "as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain without being homeless." But during this rock-bottom time, she realized she still had a wonderful daughter, an old typewriter, and an idea that would become the foundation for rebuilding her life. Perhaps you've heard of Harry Potter? "You might never fail on the scale I did," Rowling told that privileged audience. "But it is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all--in which case, you fail by default.

"You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for it is painfully won, and it has been worth more to me than any qualification I ever earned."

Lots of Americans are tasting failure for the first time now and immediately trying to spit it out. Whether it's a home foreclosure, unemployment, or the evaporation of hard-earned savings, the have-it-all generation suddenly doesn't. But in the bitterness that accompanies adversity are lessons worth savoring--and, if you look hard enough, sweet opportunity.

On the pages that follow, you'll learn how the brain responds to failure and how it can be reprogrammed for success using some simple tricks. You'll also find advice from a successful entrepreneur who claims that times like these are actually among the best for launching dreams. But most valuable, you'll meet some ordinary people who were in some tough situations. A few screwed up; others got sucker punched. But even though their stories are quite different, the outcomes are the same. They all bounced back. And you can too.

As Rowling herself would admit, it doesn't take a wizard to do it.


"I failed to be the wife with a white-picket life, but I've since given it to my children …"
--Randi Ketchum, 36, Huron, Ohio

It was one of the happiest times of my life. I was 29 and had just received my bachelor's degree, graduating with honors despite working two jobs and being a wife and mother. My parents and five-year-old son were in the audience when I walked onto the stage at Ashland University to get my diploma. I was so excited and proud to be starting a teaching career and contributing more to my family's well-being.

But when I got home that evening, there was a note from my husband written on the back of an envelope. It basically said he'd come to get his clothes and wouldn't be back. We'd been having trouble, but the finality of that note still came as a shock. He had emptied our bank account. We were horribly in debt. I had quit my previous jobs in anticipation of interviewing for a teaching position. Plus, I was eight months pregnant.

Most young women have an idealized picture of the happy-go-lucky life they're going to live in a house with a white-picket fence. But no one ever sits you down and says that's not reality, and sometimes life is just darn ugly. It all caved in for me that night. I was embarrassed, scared, and angry and felt I had failed.

But I had my son, and I was about to bring a new life into the world, so despite my deep sadness, I had to go on. The next morning, I woke up (literally and figuratively), put my feet on the floor, took a deep breath, fixed breakfast, and basically did everything I always did. I used my routine to keep me moving. After being in the military for six years, I guess you can say I fell back on my training, like all good soldiers do in tough situations. One small step after one small step was the way I bounced back.

And in the seven years since, I've continued moving forward. I got a job as a kindergarten teacher, earned a master's degree in education, and watched my babies grow to 12 and seven. I certainly would never have chosen to put them through this, but in retrospect, I'm glad it happened to me when it did. It helped me find my voice and myself a lot sooner. It helped me grow independent, confident, and strong--things I'm hopefully instilling now in my children.


"I failed at everything when I was young, but I just sold my company for $75 million …"
--Bob Williamson, 62, South Florida

In 1970, when I was 24, I hitchhiked to Atlanta and, ironically, ended up on Luckie Street. I was anything but lucky at the time. I was a drug addict and was wanted by police. Everything I owned was in a pillowcase. I had decided I was going to either straighten up or commit suicide. I sold a pint of blood for $7 and got a room for the night at the Luckie Street YMCA. The next day, I landed a job cleaning bricks, then moved into a boardinghouse and slowly started making my way back.

But luck wasn't on my side just yet. I got into a head-on collision in a borrowed car and was hurt so badly, I was in the hospital for three months. While I was there, I took to reading the Bible. I picked it up out of boredom and really thought I would disapprove of it. But I read the New Testament, then the Old, and then the New again--every word of it. And at that moment, I started to feel a gentle, steady pull of encouragement. Even though I had the morals of a junkyard dog, I felt forgiven and even loved.

Shortly after I left the hospital, I met a wonderful young woman, whom I married six months later. She was like something out of The Brady Bunch, as opposite to me as you could imagine, but we've been married now for 38 years and have a large, loving family. I went on to become a pillar of the community and a successful businessman. In fact, I just sold my software company, the ninth business I founded, for $75 million.

I don't believe in coincidence or luck. I believe in God. And if there's a lesson I learned from this, it's that God seems to show his strength and power through weakness. I think he picks the down-and-out on purpose to demonstrate what's possible. But it isn't always an aha moment. He doesn't just bless you and heap on the millions. Rather, God shows you the way and supplies the opportunities. Then it's up to you to set the goals, devise the strategy, and, most important, provide the man-hours. That's the way you get to lucky street.

"I failed to save someone's life, but I didn't make the same mistake twice …"
--Mary Wilson, 65, Montecatini, Italy

I was making dinner in my apartment in Norfolk, Virginia, in 1996 when I heard breaking glass and a woman screaming next door. I knew immediately what was happening: The young woman was being beaten by her husband--and this time, I didn't hesitate to act.

You see, 15 years earlier, when I was living in a house near Boston, I had another young couple as upstairs tenants. They would fight occasionally and get loud, but they'd always settle down when I phoned to complain. But very early one morning, I heard screaming. I called like I normally did, and when no one answered and things quieted down, I went back to bed. The next thing I knew, someone was banging on my door, and when I opened it, I saw the man who lived upstairs. "I've killed Sandy," he said. He was covered in blood and, as I later found out, had used knives and broken bottles to stab her to death and then tried to kill himself. I called the police and went upstairs. What I saw was so horrible, I couldn't continue to live there. I sold the house at a loss that week.

I was pretty traumatized afterward. I never sought psychiatric help but probably should have. I couldn't get over the fact that I had an intuition about that guy, but I dismissed it. I knew my guilt wasn't rational, but it never left me. Deep down, I always felt I could have done something.

And that's why when I heard the screaming again in '96, like a cruel déjà vu, I was immediately on the phone with police and then out the door to help. I was angry, livid, maybe even a little out of control. Their door was dead-bolted from inside, but through the broken glass panels, I could see him dragging her into the bathroom. He was covered in blood from crawling through the glass and was screaming, "I'm going to drown you!" I started pounding on the door and yelling, "Leave her alone! I can see what you're doing!" That must have surprised him, because he stumbled, and then she broke free, and he fled out the back door.

The girl was bruised but not seriously injured. Since I was in the Navy at the time, I took her to the base for safekeeping and then helped her through the entire legal process until he was finally convicted.

In retrospect, the whole story is so strange, I almost can't believe it. It's like it was meant to happen. I no longer feel guilty, because things have come full circle. But what I still occasionally ponder is how opportunity exists even in horrible situations--the opportunity to learn, to improve, and ultimately to react differently if you're ever given a second chance.


"I failed to be careful and lost my eye, but it's helped me see things more clearly …"
--Alex Gadd, 52, Pikeville, Tennessee

I was loading my truck to go to the flea market when a hook on one of the bungees bent and snapped back into my left eye. The pain was like a hot sword had been shoved through my head. I fell down on my hands and knees, and when I saw what looked like gelatin and blood dripping onto the ground, I knew it was bad.

They took me to Erlanger Hospital in Chattanooga, where there's a special eye center. The doctors there operated on me several times but couldn't save my eye. When they told me the news, I wanted to die. I was divorced, and I figured no woman would ever want anything to do with me. All that was left of my eye was white, and my face was swollen and bruised.

Even after I got my prosthetic eye, I couldn't shake the depression. To make matters worse, I lost my job as a transportation officer for the Tennessee Department of Children's Services because of concerns about my driving ability. But one morning, I woke up and the TV was on, and there was this 16-year-old girl. She had been severely burned on her face, hands, and legs and was learning to walk again. She wore a big smile and seemed to look right at me and said, "You can't ever give up." At that moment, I thought, This is just an eye. Get over it.

And I did.

It's been almost 12 years since my accident, and there isn't anything I can't do now that I used to do. Women still seem to like me, and no one can even tell I have a prosthetic eye, because the new one is that good. And although I didn't get my old job back, they reinstated my license, and I haven't had so much as a fender bender in over a million miles of driving.

I read a story once where this man was feeling bad because he had no shoes, until he met a man who had no feet. No matter how devastating your problem is, remember there's always someone somewhere who's worse off. Despite having just one eye, I see things a lot more clearly now.


"I failed to realize my dream, but I've since realized other things …"
--Daryl Nelson, 36, Brooklyn, New York

A record deal. It happened to my best friend and me when we were juniors at Virginia State University playing in a hip-hop band called BizzrXtreemz. I heard that Clive Davis, the founder and president of Arista Records, blessed the deal himself. We dropped out of school to move to New York in the summer of '94. We were 21 years old, and we were on our way.

In order to concentrate on our music, we hired a manager and entrusted him with our $5,000 advance. But one day when we showed up at the studio, we were told we couldn't record anymore because they hadn't been getting paid. Our manager was a crook. With no money of our own, we threw together a few songs, but the quality was horrible. The head of Arista's music department hated them, and we lost the deal.

After six months, it was over.

I remember sitting in a daze under a bridge with winos and homeless people. Nothing had ever hinted at failure. I thought I was destined. Of course, we didn't immediately give up. We cut other demos and took them around town, but after a while, we had to start working to survive. The music never left us; it just became a smaller part of our lives. I'm a benefits coordinator for a union now, the latest in a long string of customer-service jobs I've held in the 15 years since that summer. My partner and I broke up some years back, and I've released a few solo songs under the name River Nelson for a small London-based label. But I'm not chasing the same dream anymore. There comes a time when you have to reassess your dreams and cast out what's lofty or no longer reality. At the same time, though, you keep those things that are valuable, which for me was the resiliency, perseverance, and focus I'd acquired. If you go at it this way, you'll see that the pot of gold is really chasing that pot of gold.

I still do music, but I do it for music's sake now. I've redirected all the energy I used to put into the business of music into other creative things. And that's been a new beginning. I still have a piece of my original dream, but now I also have all these other blessings.

From Reader's Digest - May 2009

From Reader's Digest

 

 

作家罗琳去年6月在哈佛给毕业生举行演讲时，没有强调成功之道，而是把重点放在如何对待失败上。她讲述了一个年轻妇女的故事。这位年轻妇女放弃了写小说的梦想，而去做一些更加实际的事情。虽然她最后成为一位失业的单亲妈妈“贫困交加与英国当今无家可归的人没有什么区别 但是在生活的最低谷，她仍然意识到自己还有一个可爱的女儿，一台旧打字机，一个重建美好生活的理想。你也许听说过哈利波特？”“你也许从来没有失败达到我的那个程度，”罗琳对她的尊贵听众讲到。“但是没有遭遇失败的生活是不可能存在的，除非你固步自封、小心翼翼，如同什么也没有经历过，这种情况下，其实已经不战自败。”

“如果没有在逆境中接受考验，你是不会真正了解你自己的，或者说了解你从中得到的强大力量。这种知识才是真正的礼物，因为它是在痛苦的磨砺中获得的，它对于我来说比获得任何资格证书更加弥足珍贵。”

 许多美国人现在正第一次品尝失败的滋味并想立即战胜它。他们或者是被收回了抵押贷款的房屋，或者失去了工作或者辛苦积攒的钱财蒸发殆尽，总之拥有一切的一代突然间失去了一切。但是伴随逆境而来的痛苦换来的是更有价值的教训，如果你看起来足够坚强，那么这教训会变成难得的机会。
在下面的介绍中，你会学会如何去应对失败，如何利用一些简单的技巧将失败转化为成功。你会从一个成功的企业家那儿得到忠告，这位企业家声称逆境是实现梦想的最好时间。但是最有价值的是，你会看到一些身处逆境的普通人。他们中有些人搞砸了，有些人暂时跌倒了，尽管他们的经历不同，但结果是一样的，那就是他们都能重振旗鼓，他们行，相信你也行的。

 正如罗琳承认，这并不需要巫术才能做到。


“我没有成为一名过着上等人生活的妻子，但我却让我的孩子过上了......”。 俄亥俄州，修伦湖--现年36岁的兰恩迪•剀切姆说

 这是我生命中最幸福的时光。我当时29岁，刚刚获得了学士学位，尽管我当时做两份工作，身为人妻人母，但我还是光荣毕业了。当我走上Ashland大学的讲台去领毕业证时，我的父母和5岁的儿子就在观众席里看着我。我是如此骄傲因为就要开始成为一名教师了，也可以给家里更多得补贴了。

 

. 但是当我晚上回到家，发现我的丈夫在一个信封的背面留了言，大体是说他回来取衣服了不打算回来了。我们之间出现过摩擦，但是那个便条确实还是给我一个打击。他透支了我们的银行账款。让我们已负载累累。我已经辞去了原先的工作，准备面试老师的工作。另外我还有8个月的身孕。

 多数年轻妇女都把生活理想化了，希望住着白色篱笆环绕的房子，过着富足的生活。但是没有人让你坐下来仔细想想这并不现实。生活有时有其丑陋的一面。那个晚上让我刻骨铭心，窘迫、害怕和恼怒，觉得自己彻底要跨了。

但是我有儿子，就要把一个新生命带到世界来，生活还得继续。第二天早晨，我醒来了，站在地板上，深深呼吸了一下，然后准备好早餐，照常做着一切事情，我把日程排满好让自己运转起来。我曾在部队服役6年，我猜你会说我要回来训练，就像所有优秀士兵在困境中所要做的一样。一小步，一小步，我在慢慢恢复元气。

 

 此后的七年，我继续保持前进，我得到了一份做幼儿教师的工作，获得了教育硕士学位，看着自己的两个孩子分别长到12岁、7岁。我的确不愿选择让他们承受这种打击，但回过头来，看看发生的事情，我很高兴自己所作的一切。它帮助我很快找到了失落的自己。它帮助我学会了独立、自信和坚强-我慢慢将这种品质灌输给我的孩子们。


“我年轻时一事无成，但是我的公司卖了7500万美元“。

-南福罗里达州现年62岁的鲍勃•威廉森说

1970年，当时我24岁，搭便车去亚特兰大，流落到幸运街。当时我可绝不幸运。我是个吸毒者，警察到处通缉我。我除了一个枕头套，一无所有。我决心要么振作起来要么自杀。我靠卖了一品脱血换得的7美元钱在幸运街YMCA租了一间屋子过夜。第二天，我找到一份擦瓷砖的工作，然后搬到寄宿宿舍居住，慢慢地日子好起来。

 但这时幸运之神并没有向我伸出橄榄枝，我在借来的汽车里受到另一辆车迎面碰撞，我伤得很厉害，不得不住院3个月。住院期间，我拿了一本圣经读，当时完全是处于百无聊懒，打发时间而读，心里并不真正赞同它。但当我读了新约全书、然后读旧约全书，然后又回头读新约全书-逐句逐字读。此时此刻，我感觉受到一种无形的鼓励。原来向我这种卑劣之人也能被谅解，甚至得到爱。

 

我离开医院不久，邂逅了一个美丽女郎，6个月后与她结了婚。她就像是从The Brady Bunch 走出的人物一样，与我的情况恰恰大相径庭，你可以想象的出，但是到目前我们结婚已经38年了，拥有了一个大家庭，其乐融融。浪子回头，我变成了社会的顶梁柱和成功的商人。实际上，我刚刚卖掉了软件公司，这是我成立的第9家公司，价值7千5百万美元。

我不相信巧合和幸运，但相信上帝与我们同在。如果说我从中吸取了什么教训，那就是上帝要通过你的缺陷来显示他的伟大和力量。我想他挑选潦倒之人目的是为了表明一切皆有可能发生的道理。但你并不总能拥有开怀时刻，因为他不光是保佑你，为你堆积大量的财富，他主要是给你指明道路、为你提供机会，然后靠你自己建立目标、设计宏伟蓝图，最为重要的是他你提供了工作时间，那就是通向幸运之街的光辉之路。

 

-意大利Montecatini,现年65岁的玛丽威尔逊说。

 1996年，我正在维吉尼亚诺福克公寓里做晚餐，忽然听到隔壁砸玻璃的声音和女人的尖叫声。我即刻明白发生什么了；那个年轻女人被他的丈夫毒打-这次，我没有犹豫，立刻上前阻止。

你看，早在15年前当我住在波士顿的房子里时，楼上曾租住着一对年轻夫妇。他们有时候会干仗、大声吵闹，但每当我打电话抱怨时，他们总能消停下来。有一个大清早，我又听到了尖叫声，我像以往一样打电话打算平息这场战争，但一直没有人接电话，而且显得异常安静，我于是重新返回床上躺下。 第二天早上，我听到有人砸门，当我打开时，我看到了楼上住的那个男人。他说：“我杀了桑蒂”。他的身上血迹斑斑，后来我才知道他用小刀和碎酒瓶刺死了桑蒂，后又企图自杀。我报了警，上楼一看，现场真是令人触目惊心，我不能再住在那儿了。那个星期我赔本卖掉了房子。

从此以后，我精神备受折磨。我没有寻求心理医生帮助而是认为自己理应受到惩罚。我抹不掉这个事实，那就是我对那个家伙原本有种直觉，但我还是放弃了。我知道自己的内疚不合乎情理，但就是摆脱不掉。深陷其中，我总是认为对于那场灾难，自己本应该能做点什么的。

 

 那就是为什么在96年，我又一次听到恐怖的尖叫声后立即报了警、出门去解救的原因。我当时很愤怒甚至有一点失控。他们的门子在里边死死闩着，但是透过破玻璃板，我看到他正把她往浴室里拖，他由于弄碎了玻璃浑身是血，吼叫着：“我要淹死你！”我开始怦怦敲门，大声喊“放开她！我看你敢动她！”这确实吓住了他，因为他看上去很惊愕，他于是放开了她，悻悻向后门逃去。

女孩虽然擦伤了，但伤得不是很严重。因为我当时在海军队伍上，就把她带到地下室保护起来，后来整个打官司过程都给予了她帮助，最终他被指控犯了罪。

 我回顾整个事件都觉得莫名其妙，几乎难以置信。这件事就像是有意要发生似的。我不再感到自责了，因为一切又回到了原点。我仍然忍不住想，机会甚至在可怕的情形下也是存在的——要了解、提高、最终要有不同的反应，说不定你甚至有第二次机会。

"我由于不小心失去了一只眼睛，但它帮助我更清楚地看清了许多事情..”

-田纳西州、Pikevile，52岁的Alex Gadd说。

 当时，我正往货车上装货准备赶往旧货市场，这时一个跳簧的钩子弯下来并迅速弹了回来，打到了我的左眼上。那种疼痛就像一把利剑劈开我的脑袋，致使我手脚跪地难以忍受。这时我看到白色胶状物和血滴同时落到地上，我暗想这下完了。

人们把我带到查塔努加额兰格医院治疗，这里设有专门的眼科中心。那里的医生为我做了几次手术，但是最终没能挽救了我的眼睛。当他们告诉我这个消息时，我悲痛欲绝。我离婚了，没有女人来照顾我，我的眼睛空洞无物，我的脸又肿胀又有瘀伤。

 我甚至在安装了假眼以后，仍然处在悲观失望的情绪之中。屋漏偏早连阴雨，因为关系到驾驶能力，我丢了田纳西州儿童服务部运输长的工作。一天早晨，我醒来时，电视正播放一个16岁女孩，她的脸、手和腿严重烧伤，开始重新学走路。但她满面笑容，似乎正看着我说：“你不能放弃”。从那一刻起，我想，自己失去的仅仅是一只眼睛，一定要挺过去。
 

我确实挺过去了。

事故发生已有12年，过去我能做的事，现在也一样能做到。妇女们仍然看起来喜欢我，没有人辨认出我的眼是假眼，因为这只假眼很逼真。虽然我过去的工作不能失而复得，但他们又给我发了驾照。在超过百万英里的驾驶行程中，我甚至没有一点擦碰记录。

我曾经读过一个故事，故事说曾经有个人非常沮丧，因为他没有鞋子穿，直到有一天他碰见一个没有脚的人才不再抱怨。不论你遇到的挫折摧毁力多么大，但是要记住总有某个地方某个人比你更糟糕。我现在看事情更客观更透彻了。


“我没有能够实现自己的梦想，但我已经在别的方面取得了成绩...”

-纽约•布鲁克林，现年36岁的达里尔•乃尔逊说。

 当我和我最好的朋友在维吉尼亚州大学读大三时加入了一个叫做BizzrXtreemz的hip-hop乐队，正巧碰到了一桩录音生意。起因时我听说Arista Records的创建人、校长Clive Davis要做这笔生意。我们从学校退学，94年夏天投奔纽约。当时我们21岁，风华正茂。

 

为了集中精力搞音乐，我们雇佣了一个经理人提前支付5，000美元让他托管。但是，一天当我们出现在工作室时，却被告知不能再录音了。因为他们没有得到付费。我们的经理人是个骗子。在没有钱的状况下，我们一起制作了一些歌曲，但质量很差。Arista音乐部的部长不喜欢这些歌曲，我们丢掉了这笔生意。

. 6个月以后，结束了。

我记得当时与酒鬼和流浪汉坐在桥下，前途迷茫一片。失败时，一切都茫然无措了，我想可能这是命中注定。当然，我们没有马上放弃。我们砍掉了其他唱片样本，把它们带到城里。但是过了一阵，我们为了生存不得不开始工作。音乐从来没有离开我们，只是变成我们生活的一小部分。我现在是一家联盟公司的合伙人，自从那个夏天，我已经在一长串客户服务工作中干了15年。我的合伙人和我在共同经营了一些年以后散了伙，我已经发表了一些名为纳尔逊河的独奏曲，这些独奏曲以伦敦为基础创作的。但是我再也不去追寻这样的梦想了。当你必须重新评价你的梦想时，要抛掉那些所谓崇高和不切实际的东西。同时，你要追求有价值的东西，这些对于我来说，必须不屈不挠、坚定不移地追求。你如果按照这个方法做下去，你将看到金子雕刻成的东西终将会熠熠生辉。

 

 我仍然做音乐方面的工作，但并不为了音乐本身而作。我把过去投资音乐的一切精力投之于其他有创造性的工作中。那是新的开始，我仍然有一个最初的梦想，但现在我已经拥有了其他值得称道的事情。