It happens far too often. Words can deal a fatal blow to a relationship. People say mean and hurtful things, sometimes intentionally, to hurt the person they love the most. Once the words are out, it's impossible to take them back. The pain and hurt is usually entirely too clear in the eyes of the person who was hurt.
Hurting words can come from spouses, best friends, coworkers, siblings, parents, etc. No matter who it is that hurts us, the fact is words can sting with a vengeance. Rather than hold on to something that's done and can't be changed, if we choose to let it go, chances are the relationship will heal and flourish.
Sometimes the hurt is so deep and remains embedded deeply within the heart of the person who was hurt, and they walk away from the relationship. Too often pride stands in between the person who did the hurting and the person who was hurt. Instead of trying to make amends and healing the relationship, pride takes over on both sides, and a once loving relationship is nothing but a memory. It doesn't have to be that way.
When someone has hurt us, it's all too easy to just throw our hands up and walk away from it all. That's the easy way out, but it's also the losing way. You and the person that hurt you both lose out because you lose each other. But if we stop and ask ourselves why the person said hurtful things to us to start with, it could help the situation immensely.
Sometimes, though not always, a person will say something that hurts because they are stressed out or going through really rough times. They use us as bouncing board, someone to vent their frustrations out. But rather than vent what's really going on, the stress comes out as hurtful words to us.
No doubt we have all done this to someone we love and had it done to us. The difference is in how we handle it. Do we choose to see the hurtful words for what they most likely are, stress and frustration at something in life, or do we take it personal (which it probably isn't at all) and get angry and upset and just walk away.
If we walk away, we lose out on a wonderful relationship. Just because someone gets upset and stressed and says something that hurts us is not a reason to end a relationship, but sadly that's what happens too often.
We can choose to leave the past in the past, knowing that the past can't be changed or undone, and put our pride on the back shelf, and we can start fresh. To do this, it's vital that a person understand that we all make mistakes and that no matter what someone has said or done, they simply cannot change the past. No amount of regret will undo something that was done or said. If we choose to hold onto a past hurt, we are the ones that are hurting ourselves. The person who said something or did something that hurt us is not hurting us.
When we choose to hold onto hurt, we took over the role as the one doing the hurting. When we choose to allow pride to keep us from reaching out to the other party, we are the one who is hurting ourself. We don't have to let the past, that cannot be changed, to rule our present.
Sometimes a person has a hard time letting go and starting over because it seems that letting something go would somehow diminish the hurt that was said or done. But letting go of the past and beginning again isn't diminishing anything nor taking away the fact that hurt was caused. It simply is forgiving, moving on, and living and loving again. To hold onto the hurt is to deprive yourself and someone else of a beautiful relationship.
Hurtful words can cut deep. But the deepest cut isn't really the hurtful words at all, but rather the lost relationship and love if the two parties involved don't put the past to rest and begin fresh.
译文:
当你爱上一个伤害过你的人--如何再从头开始让过去的都过去呢
这是常有的事。往往一句话就能使两人关系破碎。人们说一些伤感情的事，有时候甚至是故意伤害自己最爱的人。然而一旦话说了出去，可能就覆水难收了，这种伤痛往往已经全然伤害了受伤者的内心。
伤人的话往往出自于夫妻，好友，合作伙伴，同胞，父母等等。不管谁伤害了我们，事实上，这些话极度地刺痛了我们内心，与其坚持做一些不能改变的事情上，还不如选择让它去，这样做才能更好地愈合伤痛并且保持良好的关系。
有时候受伤者被伤害了太深，这种痛会深深地埋在内心深处，他们就会选择远离这种关系。常常自尊心夹在伤害者与受伤者之间，而不是去试着改变和缓和这种关系，自尊心夹在两者之间，一旦爱只剩下了回忆，事实却并不是那样。
当有人伤害了我们，甩手离开太简单不过了，那的确很容易，但同时也失去了某些东西。你和那个伤害你的人同时都都失去了对方。但是如果我们当初克制住自己不要去说一些伤人的话，那就不会出现这种情况了。
有时候，尽管不总是这样，一个人说一些伤人的话仅仅因为他们释放压力或者渡过难过的时光。他们把我当作跳板，有些人遇到挫折需要发泄，倒不如说出到底怎么了而不要说一些伤害我们的话。
无庸置疑，我们总是为了自己对我们爱的人付出所有，问题是我们该如何解决这个问题。我们选择去看一些伤害的话，只是因为他们喜欢，在生活中的压力和挫折，或者为了一些个人的事（可能不总是这样）变的生气，悲伤，离开。
如果我们离开了，我们失去了一种美好的关系，正因为某个人变的悲伤，压力重重并且说一些伤害我们的话，不是因为这个原因才去结束这种关系，只是因为常常发生这种情况。
我们可以选择忘记过去，要知道过去不能改变什么，不如把你的自尊心放下，让我们从头开始。一个人必须明白我们每个人都会犯错，不管是说错什么话还是做错什么事，这些纯粹都已经过去了，不要怀恨那些事情。如果我们一直想着过去的伤痛，我们只会伤害到自己，一个会伤害我们的人不值得我们伤害自己。
当我们选择去想着伤痛，那我们就扮演着一个受伤者的角色。当我们选择伸手去找另一半的时候却又考虑这自尊心，想着我曾经受伤过，我们不能忘记过去，不容改变，这就是当前的问题。
有时候一个人很难忘记过去再从头开始，忘记过去可以设法减少曾经被伤害的痛苦。让过去的就过去吧，就从头开始吧。这是一种宽容，继续生活，再爱下去，只想着伤痛只会丧失你自己，失去你和他人的美好关系。
伤害人的言语也许伤人很深，但最伤人的却不是这些话，而是失去双方的爱，不要想着过去，从头开始吧。