The other day I was at the DMV here on Guam, renewing my registration for both my vehicles. I got there early, as I hate lines, but realized that I forgot an important document.
Well, the woman at the DMV saved me about an hour’s worth of driving and waiting in line by paying me a kindness … she accepted my registration by interpreting the regulations in a favorable way.
And that kindness just made my day.
It’s amazing what a little kindness can do for you. I drove away from the DMV with a great feeling, with a love for humanity, with a desire to do good for others and pay her kindness forward.
I’ve since paid my debt of gratitude forward in a bunch of ways, but it’s gotten me thinking about kindness and humanity in a broader sense. I have an enormous faith in humanity … but I think we all need to work to bring kindness back to our modern society.
While running with my sister at the local track yesterday, we were talking about kindness and courtesy in our society. My sister, Katrina, has noticed that people are less courteous and more rude to each other nowadays. They don’t say simple things like “Thank you” or open doors for each other or even smile at strangers.
I’m not sure if things on this front have gotten worse in recent years, but if it has, I suspect the change isn’t in people, it’s in the loss of a sense of community. It’s that we don’t come together enough, and are separated from each other in many ways.
The Effect of Anonymity
What happens when people get in cars and then converge on the roads? For some reason, they become rude, inconsiderate jerks (for the most part). But if these same people were to meet face-to-face, and have to spend time together and get to know each other, they would most likely make an attempt at being nice, at the very least.
When we’re in cars, we can barely see the other drivers. We certainly don’t care what they think, and we know they don’t know who we are. Sure, some people are considerate drivers, but for the most part, people are aggressive and uncaring when they’re in their cars.
That’s the effect of anonymity.
When we actually get to know people, we usually act differently. We want to be seen as good in other people’s eyes (the social component of the human animal), and as such, we’ll usually go out of our way to be nice — if we interact with the person on a personal level, not an anonymous level.
Our Divided Society
As my sister Katrina pointed out, our society is changing in a number of ways … all of them in some way dividing us as individuals:
1. Less religious. A much smaller proportion of our population is religious these days, which means fewer people are going to church. This means they don’t get together in the same way they used to, praying, doing community projects, getting to know each other. Some people may think that’s a good thing, as they are against organized religion, but the truth is that there hasn’t been a strong unifying non-secular organization emerge to take the place that church used to take in our community and in our lives.
2. Television and other media. Much more of our time is spent indoors these days, watching TV, playing video games, playing or working on the Internet, watching movies, etc. This means we are separated from each other. We don’t get together as a community anymore, we don’t play outside as much (or if we do, it’s in individual ways for the most part), we don’t meet face-to-face.
3. Car society. In the days of yore, people used to walk on the streets. People would see each other on the streets and say hi, stop and chat. Kids used to play in the streets. But cars have overrun our streets, and they are no longer safe for kids or pedestrians or bikes. We are forced into cars, because there’s no better way to get around (for the most part — in some cities, mass transit is a viable alternative, but not where I live). And when we’re in cars, as I mentioned above, we are separated from our fellow human beings.
Amish Barn Raising
When I think about ways we can come together as a community, to interact in more personal and positive ways, I think of the Amish barn raising tradition. The community comes together to help a family … this is the kind of tradition where people help each other out, get to know each other, and bond.
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I think about that, and I wonder if there are ways we could get the community together, helping each other out. There are already some of these kinds of activities, such as community cleanups, Habitat for Humanity, other charity organizations, and the like. These are amazing ways to bring people together, in a common cause of helping others.
I’d like to see more of these kinds of things. I don’t have the answers, but I do know that if we make an effort to organize ways to help each other out, and come together, our communities will be better off. People will get to know each other, and will be kinder to each other.
That’s my hope, at least.
My Faith in Humanity
Call me naive or hopelessly optimistic, but I have a very positive view of humanity. Sure, we see greed and rudeness and abuse and selfishness every day. But I believe that’s more a symptom of the systems in our society, rather than of an evil human race.
I have faith in humanity.
I often leave my car doors unlocked. I carry cash around, just ready for a mugger to take it from me. I give money to people who say they need it, if I have it, not worrying about whether they’ll spend it on food or drugs or whatever.
Recently a reader asked for a way to buy the Zen To Done ebook in some other way than PayPal. I didn’t have a good way to do that, so I emailed him the book and asked him to mail me a check — having faith that he’d do it. Not only did he mail me a check, but he added an extra $40 to the total, with a note that the extra money was for copies he planned to give to friends and for my hard work here at Zen Habits.
That guy made my day. He proved that my faith in humanity is justified. I keep his note in the book I’m reading as a bookmark, so that I see it several times a day.
You guys, the readers of Zen Habits, are incredibly giving, kind, encouraging, supportive, generous.
I meet people every day who are friendly, who do me kindnesses, who lift my spirits.
Humanity is a wonderful thing. People are amazing, beautiful creatures.
What we need are ways to bring out the best in people. To bring them together. To have them help each other, instead of trying to outdo each other.
We need freer systems, instead of the authoritarian ones that oppress us now. We need cooperative systems, instead of the competitive ones we have now. We need unifying systems, instead of the divisive ones that exist today.
We need change. And as Gandhi famously said, “We must be the change we want to see in the world.”
I hope to be that change. I hope you will too.
Pay It Forward, Zen Habits edition
So how can I start this change, in some small way, and have it have little ripples throughout the world?
There are so many ways, but I’m going to take a page from Oprah. She did a “Pay It Forward” episode where she gave 300 audience members $1,000 each, with a camcorder and a challenge to spend the money on charity or individuals in acts of kindness. (See also: Pay It Forward Foundation)
I do not have $1,000 to give away, let alone $300,000. So I ask myself, “Self, what do I have that I can give to people?” And self answered: you have an ebook, and you have blog traffic that you can use to help smaller bloggers. Neither of those are amazing gifts, but they’re small acts of kindness that I’d like to give away.
Here’s how I’ll do that:
1. Free ebooks. The first 30 people who comment on this post, asking for an ebook, will get a free Zen To Done ebook emailed to them. All you have to do, in the comment, is say that you promise to pay the gift forward with some act of kindness to another person (not a relative) in your community. The act can be small or big, and you don’t have to specify what it is. I will trust you to do it.
2. Link to your blog. I can’t link to every blogger in the world, but I would like to link to some who will return the favor with an act of kindness in the real world. All you have to do is write a post on your blog explaining what kind of kindness you’ll do to pay it forward, and link to this post. If your link doesn’t appear in the trackbacks section below (next to the comments), email me to let me know about your post (zenhabits at the gmail). If it appears in the trackbacks, I’ll see it, so don’t email me. In a few days, I will link up to all the bloggers who linked to me in a new post, called “The Bloggers of Kindness”. I can’t guarantee a lot of traffic, but it’s the best I can do.
3. Just be kind. If you aren’t a blogger or don’t need an ebook, you can still participate. If you read and enjoy this blog, consider Zen Habits and the time I spend on it my gift to you … and just pay it forward with an act of kindness in your community, to an individual or charity. And ask those people to pay it forward to others, and to continue that chain of kindness as far as possible.
译文:
对人性的信心：拉近人与人的距离，与人为善
那天我在关岛的车辆管理局，打算更新我的两部车子的登记资料。我痛恨排队，所以很早就到了那里，但却发现少带了一份重要文件。
管理局的一位很好心的女士发现，其实按照规定，没有这份文件也可以办理手续，便接受了我的登记，省去了我一个多小时往返车程和排队等候的麻烦。
她的好心让让我一整天都满怀感激。
微小的一份善意往往可以带来让人意想不到的结果。在驾车离开管理局的时候，我的心里充满了对别人的关爱之情，想要把她对我的这份善意也传递给别人。
从那之后我从很多点点滴滴的事情上来回报那份善意，以表达我的感激之情。更重要的是，这件事让我对于人性的善意有了更深的思考。我坚信人性的善良，但我也开始意识到，我们需要做些什么，来唤回现代社会中已经渐渐失落的善意。
昨天我跟妹妹一起慢跑的时候，我们对现代社会中的善意进行了一番讨论。我的妹妹，卡特琳娜，说，人们对待他人的态度已不像过去那么彬彬有礼，而是越来越粗鲁。人们连一句简短的“谢谢”都不屑提起，不为别人开门，也不对陌生人微笑。
我并不确定我们在这方面的表现近年来是否越来越差劲，就算真是这样，我想原因也不在于我们自己，而是我们对“社会集体”的归属感的下降。我们并不想这样，只是有太多的客观原因，让我们越来越疏远彼此。
帷幕效应
人们钻进自己的汽车，开到路上，然后呢？他们开起车来往往蛮横而自私，完全不考虑别人。但是如果这些人能够面对面的交流，有时间去熟悉对方，了解对方，他们或多或少，都会显得比较友好和善。
当我们呆在自己的汽车里，我们看不见其他车上的司机。我们也就顾不上他们的感受，而他们也不知道我们是什么人。当然，有些人开起车来也会为别的司机着想，但是大多数人并不是这样。
这就是帷幕效应的结果。
当我们认识了一个人之后，我们的态度也就不同了。作为社会动物，我们想让自己在别人眼里尽量显得友好一点。如果我们直接与别人接触，而不是想开车时那样躲在一个帷幕后面的话，我们总是会特别好心一些。
分裂的社会
我的妹妹卡特琳娜提出，我们的社会在发生着各种各样的变化，而这些变化总是在某种程度上拉远了人与人之间的距离。
1. 宗教影响的减弱。现在拥有信仰的人数和以前相比大大减少，这也意味着每星期上教堂的人越来越少。我们不再像过去那样，在祈祷、社区活动等等的场合中认识、了解别人。有些不提倡宗教信仰的人认为这是件好事，但事实上，还没有任何一个非宗教组织可以代替宗教在我们生活和社会中的作用。
2. 电视和其它媒体的发展。我们生活得很大一部分都是在室内度过的，看电视，玩电脑游戏，在网上办公或者娱乐，看电影，等等。这些都意味着我们跟别人的疏离。我们不再有社区之间的交流，不再有户外的娱乐活动（即是有，大部分也是个人而非团队活动），我们不再面对面交流。
3. 汽车社会。以前人们在街上行走，可以看到迎面而来的路人，跟他们打招呼，或者停下脚步闲聊一会儿。孩子们也可以成群结队在街上玩耍。现在街道上挤满了汽车，对孩子、行人和骑自行车的人都不安全。我们被逼着使用汽车，因为没有别的选择。（有些城市的公共交通还是不错的，但大部分城市，包括我所居住的城市，都不行。）当我们坐在车里，就像我刚刚说到的，我们就这样被分隔开来了。
当我思考着还有什么方法能让人们聚在一起，有更多正面的交流机会的时候，我想起了门诺教派的粮仓。整个村庄的人一起行动，支援一个需要帮助的家庭。互相帮助、互相了解、互相依存是当时的风俗传统。
这让我不禁想到，我们还有什么方法来鼓励人们互相交流，互相帮助。事实上已经有一些类似的活动出现，比如社区大扫除，一些慈善团体如“人类家园国际机构”等等。这些组织和活动都成功的鼓励人们互相交流，互相帮助。
我热切希望以后这样的活动和组织能够越来越多。我找不到解决现在这些问题的捷径，但是我相信只要我们都能够留心、发掘与别人沟通或者帮助别人的机会，整个社会风气就会越来越好。人们互相了解，然后就会互相善待。
这就是我的期望。
我对于人性善良的信心
你可以说我太天真或者过于乐观，但我对于人性有着非常积极正面的看法。当然，我们可以在每天都看到一些人们贪婪、粗鲁、无礼、自私的例子，但是我相信这只是整个人类社会中存在的一些小问题而已，并不代表我们本性恶劣。
我对于人性善良充满信心。
我经常不锁车门，我怀揣现金走来走去，心里做好了被人打劫的准备。别人跟我说需要钱，如果我有，我就会给他们，并不去想他们到底是拿去买食物、毒品或其它的东西。
最近一个读者问我除了用贝宝之外还有什么办法可以买到《简易做》的电子版。我不知道，所以我就把书发到他的电子邮箱，让他寄一张支票给我。我对他的诚信有信心。而后来他不仅寄支票给我，还多给了我40美元，附了张纸条说明，多余的钱是因为他想寄一些书的拷贝给他的朋友，以及表示对我在Zen Habits网站辛勤工作的感谢。
那位先生让我的那一天变得很有意义。他证明了我对于人性善良的信心是对的。我把他的纸条夹在我正在阅读的书里当作书签，这样我每天都可以经常看到这纸条。
亲爱的Zen Habits的读者们，你们真的非常慷慨，善良，对我的工作给与了很大的支持和鼓励。
我每天都遇会到友好的、充满善意、让我受到启发的人。
人性是一个很奇妙的东西，人类是一种美好的、让人赞叹的生物。
我们要激发出内心的善良，聚在一起，互相帮助，而不是互相竞争。
我们需要更自由的机制，而不是带给我们压迫的威权主义。我们需要提倡相互合作的机制，而不是像现在这样的相互竞争。我们需要让我们联合起来的机制，而不是让我们越来越疏离的机制。
我们需要改变。就像甘地的名言说的那样，你希望看到世界发生怎样的变化，你就应该从改变自身做起。
我希望能够做到这点。我希望你也能够这样。
传递善意，Zen Habits的方式
怎样从微小的事情开始改变，最后一直传递到世界的每一个角落呢？
其实有很多的方法，但我想说一说的是奥普拉，她曾经策划了一期名叫“传递善意”的节目，给了300位观众每人1000美元和一台便携式摄像机，让他们把这笔钱花在慈善事业上或者可以帮助别人的地方。
我没有1000美元可以捐出去，更别说30万了。我问自己，我能够给别人带来什么呢？我想我的回答是，我写的电子书，并且可以利用我的博客访问量，可以成为一些更小型博客的宣传平台。这并不是什么了不起的贡献，只是我想要表达善意的小方法。
我的计划是：
1. 免费电子书。前30位在这篇文章后面留言想要电子书的读者，我将会把Zen To Done电子版免费寄到你的邮箱。而你所要做的，就是承诺你将以自己的方式，把这份善意传递给另一个人（亲属不计）。你的计划可大可小，你也不用详细向我说明，我相信你会完成你的承诺。
2. 链接到你的博客。我不能把自己跟世界上所有的博客都链接起来，但如果你希望将这份善意传递下去，我很乐意链接到你的博客上。你要做的就是在你的博客上发表一篇你将如何行动传递善意的文章，然后链接到这里。如果你的链接并没有在下面的引用通告（评论的旁边）中显示出来，把你文章的地址发邮件给我(
zenhabits@gmail)。如果它显示在了引用通告中，我可以看见，你就不用再写邮件给我了。过几天，我会把所有的博客链接发表在一篇新文章上，称为“善意的博客”。我不能够保证很高的访问量，我能做的只有这么多。
3. 与人为善。即使你并不写博客，或者不需要电子书，你仍旧可以参与。如果你读了并且喜欢这篇博客，你就可以把Zen Habits和我写这篇文章所花的时间当作我给你的礼物，然后把这份善意以你自己的方式传递给别人，并且让那些接受善意的人继续传递下去，让善意传遍每一个角落。