There are lots of ways to improve your self-confidence over the long-term – but sometimes you need an instant boost. You can’t walk into an important work meeting, (or a class at college or a room full of strangers at a party) whilst frantically re-reading a self-help manual, or making a last-minute phone call to your life-coach. So here are ten secrets to boosting your self-confidence in just a few seconds…
1. Smile
The one-second tip for when you’re feeling nervous and unconfident is simply to smile! You don’t just smile because you are happy and confident – you can smile to make yourself feel better. The act of smiling is so strongly associated with positive feelings that it’s almost impossible to feel bad while smiling.
Smiling is much more then just a facial expression. The simple act of smiling releases feel-good endorphins, improves circulation to the face, makes you feel good about yourself in general and can definitely increase your self confidence. … you will also appear more confident to others while you’re smiling.
2. Make eye contact
As well as smiling, meet the eyes of other people in the room. Give them your smile; you’ll almost certainly get one back, and being smiled at is a great self-confidence boost. Like smiling, eye contact shows people that you’re confident. Staring at your shoes or at the table reinforces your feelings of self-doubt and shyness. This tip is particularly useful for work-related situations – make eye contact with interviewers, or with the audience for your presentation:
Eye contact helps take the fear away from the speaker by getting the audience closer to him. Stress is mainly a result of being with the unknown and uncontrollable. Eye contact gives the speaker a picture of the reality that is the audience. It also helps in getting the attention of the audience.
3. Change your inner voice
Most of us have a critical inner voice that tells us we’re stupid, not good enough, that we’re too fat, thin, loud, quiet… Being able to change that inner voice is key to feeling self-confident on the inside, which will help you project your confidence to the world. Make your inner voice a supportive friend who knows you fully but also recognizes your talents and gifts, and wants you to make the best of yourself.
You still want to be able to hear the message, so don’t make it so chilled and laid back that you never take any notice of it. You can even choose 2, 3 or as many voices as you want for different occasions. Your voice should always support you, always be helpful, never aggressive and it never puts you down.
(Shut the Duck Up, Pick the Brain)
4. Forget other people’s standards
Whatever the situation that’s causing you a crisis of self-confidence, you can help yourself immeasurably by holding yourself to your own standards alone. Other people have different values from you, and however hard you try, you’ll never please everyone all of the time. Don’t worry that people will think you’re too overweight, underweight, too feckless, too boring, too frugal, too frivolous … hold yourself to your standards, not some imagined standards belonging to others. And remember that commonly-held values and standards vary from society to society: you don’t have to accept them just because the people around you do.
People’s values define what they want personally, but morals define what the society around those people want for them. Certain behaviors are considered to be desirable by a given society, while others are considered to be undesirable. For the most part, however, morals are not written in stone, or proclaimed by God above, but instead reflect local sensibilities. Different societies have different ideas about what is acceptable and not acceptable.
5. Make the most of your appearance
Even if you’ve only got a minute or two, duck into the bathroom to make sure you’re looking your best. Brushing your hair, giving your face a good wash, retouching your makeup, straightening your collar, checking you’ve not got a bit of parsley stuck between your teeth … all of these can make the difference between feeling confident in your physical appearance and feeling anxious about an imagined flaw.
Perfect your physical appearance: There’s no denying that one’s grooming plays a crucial role in building confidence. Although we know what’s on the inside is what truly counts, your physical appearance will be the first to create an impression.
6. Pray or meditate briefly
If you believe in a higher power, whether God, or another spiritual force, it can be a real boost to self-confidence to say a silent prayer. (You could also meditate instead of praying.) This helps you to take a step back from your immediate situation, to see the wider picture and to seek help from something or someone greater than yourself. This is a Christian prayer, but you could write something similar that fits your own religious beliefs or spiritual tradition:
Dear God, thank you that you love and accept me as I am … please help me to do the same … and help me to grow to become the person you want me to be so that my God-confidence and self-confidence will increase greatly—all for the glory of your name and not mine. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Amen.
7. Reframe
If something unexpected happens, it’s easy to let it knock your fledgling self-confidence. Perhaps you spill your drink on someone, you arrive late for the big meeting because of traffic problems, or someone who you wanted to speak to gives you a cold brush-off. Try to “reframe” the situation; put it in the best possible light: often, events are only negative because of the meaning we attach to them.
8. Find the next step
Keep your self-confidence up by taking gradual steps forwards, rather than freezing when faced with what seems like a giant leap. If you’re not sure what to do, look for one simple step that you can take to make progress. That might mean making eye contact at a party, introducing yourself to a stranger, breaking the ice in a meeting, or asking a question of your interviewers that shows your knowledge of their industry and company.
Start taking action even if you don’t have a clear idea of what needs to be done. Start moving towards your goal. Make corrections later.
9. Speak slowly
An easy tip for both seeming and being more self-confidence is to speak slowly. If you gabble, you’ll end up feeling worse as you know you’re being unclear to your audience or to the person you’re in a conversation with. Speaking slowly gives you the chance to think about what you’re going to say next. If you’re giving a talk or presentation, pause at the end of phrases and sentences to help your audience take in what you’ve said.
A person in authority, with authority, speaks slowly. It shows confidence. A person who feels that he isn’t worth listening to will speak quickly, because he doesn’t want to keep others waiting on something not worthy of listening to.
10. Contribute something
Have you ever sat through an entire class at college or meeting at work without saying a word? Have you had an evening out where friends chatted happily while you sat and stared silently at your drink? Chances are, you weren’t feeling very self-confident at the time – and you probably felt even worse afterwards. Whatever the situation you’re in, make an effort to contribute. Even if you don’t think you have much to say, your thoughts and perspective are valuable to those around you.
By making an effort to speak up at least once in every group discussion, you’ll become a better public speaker, more confident in your own thoughts, and recognized as a leader by your peers.
Do you find yourself lacking in self-confidence at times? How do you cope with these situations? Share your tips in the comments…
About the author: Ali is a postgraduate student and professional writer. She runs Alpha Student (grab the RSS feed), a blog which aims to help students get the most of their time at university.
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译文:
瞬時提高自信的十個秘方
有許多通過長期訓練提高自信心的方法，但有時候你需要短時間內提升自信心。你不可能在參加一個重要會議或進入大學學習或者參加全是陌生人的聚會的時候，才匆匆忙忙重讀自助手冊，或者打緊急電話給你的人生教練求救。這裡提供十個秘方讓你幾秒鐘內提升你的自信心。
1. 微笑
當你感到緊張、不自信時，最快的方法就是微笑。你微笑不是因為你快樂或者自信——你笑只是爲了讓自己感覺更好一點。笑這一行為與積極的感情有著密切的聯繫。你微笑的時候，你的感覺不可能是很糟糕。
微笑不僅僅是一種面部表情。微笑可以釋放令人感到樂觀幸福的內啡肽，提高面部的血液循環，讓你的總體自我感覺良好，所以毫無疑問它能提升你的自信心……微笑的時候，你看起來也更加的自信。
2. 保持眼神接觸
像微笑一樣，看著與你共處一室的其他人的眼睛，對著他們微笑；別人很有可能會看著你並對你展開笑顏，你的自信心將會提升很多。像微笑一樣，眼神交流也是你在向別人說明你很自信。盯著鞋子或桌子看，只會讓你更加缺乏自信，變得更加害羞。這個建議在與工作有關的情境中特別有用，你應該與面試官或者聽你演講的觀眾進行眼神交流。
說話者與觀眾進行眼神交流，拉近了與觀眾的距離，從而就不會感到害怕。壓力主要來源於一些未知或不可控制的因素，眼神交流可以讓說話者真實地面對觀眾，同時也能吸引他們的注意力。
3. 改變內心的聲音
我們當中的許多人內心都有一種評判的聲音，常常告訴自己說“我很笨，我不夠好，我太胖，我太瘦，我太聒噪，我太安靜······”改變內心的聲音對於讓自己充滿內在的自信至關重要，它將幫助你向全世界宣示你有多自信。讓你內心的聲音成為支持你的朋友，它完全了解你的缺點同時也清楚你的才能與天賦，它想讓你成為最好的自己。
你還需要能夠聽到它所傳達的信息，所以，不要整天擺出一副冷冰冰的樣子，也不要太過放鬆，以至於你根本沒有注意到它。你甚至可以為不同的場合選擇兩到三種或者更多不同的聲音。你內心的聲音應該一直站在你那邊，一直是有用的，不要帶有攻擊性，它也不會讓你失望。
(消除內心不好的聲音, Pick the Brain)
4. 忘掉其他人的評判標準
不管是什麼樣的情況讓你感到不自信，你只要堅持自己的標準，就能得到巨大的幫助。其他人衡量你會有不同的價值尺度，而不管你多努力，你不可能每時每刻讓每個人都高興滿意。不要擔心人們會認為你太胖或太瘦，沒有效率或是沒有趣味，太節儉或太愚蠢······堅持你自己的標準，而不是屬於別人的臆想出來的標準。切記在不同的社會會有不同的價值觀和標準，你沒有必要因為你周圍的人都接受你也接受。
人們的價值觀確定了他們個人所想要的，而道德標準則確定了社會對人們的要求。在某個社會某種行為是應有的，而在其它社會卻不需要。然而，對於許多人來說，道德標準不是寫在石頭上的或者由上帝宣告的，而是反映在當地人的感覺中。不同的社會對於什麽可以接受什麽不可接受有不同的看法。
(價值及道德分類 MentalHealth.net)
5. 注重儀容儀錶
雖然只剩下一兩分鐘，但你也要衝進盥洗室確定一下你看起來是不是在最好的狀態。梳一下頭髮，洗一把臉，補一下妝，拉直衣領，檢查確保牙齒間沒有留下西芹之類的東西······這新簡單動作都將消除我們对臆想缺陷的憂慮，而使自己在衣著容貌上看起來更加自信。
使你的儀容儀態達到完美：毫無疑問，一個人的衣著打扮在建立自信心時起著舉足輕重的作用。雖然我們知道真正重要的是內心，但也無可否認衣著打扮對第一印象起著決定性的作用。
6. 默默祈禱或沉思
如果你相信超能量的存在（不管是上帝的力量還是其它宗教的力量），默默地祈禱也會提高你的自信心（或許你也可以選擇沉思而不是祈禱），這有助於你退後一步仔細考慮你現在的情況，眼觀六路耳聽八方，向比你更強大的神靈尋求幫助。這是一種基督教的祈禱，但你也可以寫下一些符合自己宗教信仰或宗教傳統的相似的話：
萬能的上帝啊，感謝你的愛，感謝你的包容······請賜予我你的力量和勇氣，讓我成為你所期望的那種人，讓我更加崇拜你，而我也將會更有自信——一切榮耀均屬於萬能的上帝。感謝上帝的傾聽，感謝上帝的答案。阿門。
7. 換一種眼光看問題
如果有一些意外的事發生，你剛建立起來的自信心很容易就被擊倒。可能是你把飲料灑到別人身上，或者因為交通堵塞趕不上參加一個大型的會議，或者你想要跟某人說說話卻碰了個釘子。試著改變這種境況，方法就是往最好的方向考慮：通常，事物具有負面意義僅僅是因為我們把自己的主觀思想強加于它
8. 知道下一步該做什麽
通過計畫你下一步該做什麽來增強自信遠勝於飛躍時期的停滯不前。如果你還不確定要做什麽，尋找一個容易點的讓你有所進步的措施。那也許只是在聚會時來一個眼神交流，向別人介紹自己，打破會議上的僵局，或者問你的面試官一個問題，以此來顯示你對他們的產業和公司的了解。
開始行動吧，即使你還不是很清楚需要做什麽，向著你的目標前進，過後再慢慢改進。
9. 說話慢一點
一個讓你看起來比較自信或更加自信的秘訣就是說話的時候慢一點。如果你喋喋不休說個不停，那麼你的聽眾或者和你交談的那個人就會聽得不是很清楚。如果你說慢一點，你就有機會想想接下來要說什麽。如果你正在作報告或者演說，那麼就請你在短語或者句子結束之後停頓一下，讓你的聽眾有時間去消化理解你所講的內容。
權威人士說話總是很慢。這說明他們很自信。一個感覺自己不覺得傾聽的人總是會說得很快，因為他不想讓人們浪費時間聽一些沒有什麽價值的講話。
10. 說出你的觀點
你有沒有嘗試過在大學課堂或者工作會議上干坐著一句話也不說？你有沒有嘗試過晚上外出聚會時，你的朋友交談甚歡而你只是靜靜地坐著，盯著飲料發呆？那種情況下你一定感覺到非常不自信，過後你可能感覺更糟。從現在開始，不管你處於那種場合，試著去表達你的觀點，即使你覺得無話可說，但是說出來，你的看法和觀點對你周圍的人很重要。
如果每次小組討論之時你至少有一次能夠大聲說出你的想法，那麼你會成為你一個好演說家，你的自信也會因此而增加，同時你的同伴也會覺得你像一個團隊的領導。
你是否發現自己有時候信心不足？你是怎么解決這一問題的呢？分享一下你的經歷吧······
關於作者: Ali 是在讀研究生及職業作家. 她的博客名為Alpha Student (grab the RSS feed), 旨在幫助在校學生好好利用大學時光。
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