Photo by benefit of hindsight
What is the one most important thing in your life? Can you answer without hesitation?
I recently asked Cassandra, a friend of mine, and she immediately shot back the answer: “Horses!” (She is twelve years old and already an experienced rider with amazing talent). Maybe you also have something in your life that is obviously the one most important thing. Or maybe it’s difficult for you to pinpoint that one thing. That’s how it is for me.
A while ago I read an article about focusing on One Thing in life. The post was based on a film clip. It’s a scene where Curly - a tough cowboy played by Jack Palance - offers his dim sidekick Mitch some advice on life:
Curly: Do you know what the secret of life is?
Curly: This. [holds up one finger]
Mitch: Your finger?
Curly: One thing. Just one thing. You stick to that and the rest don’t mean shit.
Mitch: But what is the “one thing?”
Curly: [smiles] That’s what you have to find out.
Since seeing the clip, I couldn’t get the question out of my mind: “What is the One Thing in my life?”
The difficulty is that I have more than one passion. I love Zen teaching, I love writing, I love the company of family and friends, I love being in the outdoors.
What about your life? What are your passions?
I’ve always had a spread of passions in my life.
I don’t know if you have ever taken part in a goal setting seminar. I have, and it was a puzzling experience. The facilitator asked us to list everything that is important in our life and then to highlight the ONE THING that is most important to us. And he stated that if you don’t have just one thing in life, you won’t get anywhere. I could find three things - but I couldn’t pinpoint the One Thing.
After seeing the movie clip with Curly’s injunction, I kept on thinking, “There must be ONE THING in my life that’s the fundamental driver. What is it?”
In the end I found it. Tucked away. Deep underneath everything. I had been looking in the wrong places. I had been looking for it amongst my passions. I’ll tell you what I found in a moment, but first I want to describe how I got there. The question I asked in order to find the One Thing was, “What were my moments of greatest joy?”
What I got in response was a series of memory clips: Camping out under the desert moon with my son, a tender embrace with my partner, falling about on the beach with my young friends, a moment of hilarity in the midst of a silent Zen retreat, sharing with close friends, deep encounters with my students, and moments of creative excitement while writing.
What memories do you get in response?
Now search for a theme that connects those memories. What is the central theme?
When I looked for a central theme of these memories, what I found was: intimacy.
In my life intimacy is the One Thing that matters most! I’m not talking of sexual intimacy. What I mean by ‘intimacy’ are the moments of deep connection.
What about your life? What is the central theme in your life?
The One Thing is not a goal in life, it’s our central aspiration. Let me unpack that a little: goals are the concrete expression of our ambition. An ambition is a wish to be different from how we are now. Whereas an aspiration is the wish to be the fullest expression of who we really are. For example, one of my aspirations is to connect deeply with everyone I meet. It’s an impossible aspiration! Impossible to fulfill. That’s the nature of aspirations. We can never reach them. They are the stars by which we navigate through life
Once you find that One Thing, your central aspiration, there is a further important question:
What does the One Thing demand of your life?
The One Thing is like a yardstick. We can hold it up to any area in our life and see whether our life measures up. Because if our life is to be in harmony, we need to be in line with the One Thing.
When I held up intimacy against my activities in life, I got some unexpected results. For example, I enjoy working in tandem with others. I enjoy creating joint projects. However, to be in line with my central aspiration, intimacy, I need to focus on the relationship with my partners, and not on the outcome of a particular joint venture. Quite simply, if I tried to make my luck on the back of others, I would be unhappy. My aspiration of intimacy demands that I focus on the well-being of others, just as much as on my own.
Maybe your One Thing also demands something of your life. What is that demand?
Once you have found what your One Thing is, you can use it to look for direction. For example, if you have a new opportunity in life, you can hold it up against your One Thing and ask, “Is this in line with the One Thing in my life, or not?” Straightaway, you can get a sense whether the new venture will bring you joy or distress.
Well then, what is your ONE THING?
***
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What is the ONE THING in Your Life?
译文:
你生活中最重要的是什么？
拍摄 benefit of hindsight
你生活中最重要的是什么？你能毫不犹豫地回答吗？
最近我问了朋友Cassandra，她立刻回答：“马！”（她今年12岁，却已经是个经验丰富、极具天赋的骑手。）或许在你生活中也拥有一样东西，显而易见那是你最重要的东西。又或许你很难说出这个东西是什么。我便属于后者。
不久前，我读到一篇关于“生活中最重要的事”的文章。文章来源于一个电影片段。场景是一个名叫Curly的坚强牛仔（由Jack Palance 扮演），给他悲观的死党Mitch 提一些生活上的建议：
Curly:你知道生活的诀窍是什么吗？
Curly: 是这个。（竖起一根指头）
Mitch: 你的手指？
Curly: 是一样东西。你寄托于此，当然其余的不代表就不重要了。
Mitch: 但那是什么东西呢？
Curly: [笑]这就要靠你自己发现了。
自从看了这个片段，“什么是我生活中最重要的？”这个问题一直萦绕心头。
问题就在于我有很多激情。我爱禅学，爱写作，爱家人和朋友的陪伴，爱户外生活。
你呢？你对生活的激情是什么？
我的生活中已有许多激情。
不知道你是否参加过关于设立目标的研讨会。我是参加过，那是一次莫名的经历。主办方让我们一一列出对自己重要的事物，然后挑选出其中对我们来说最重要的。他还说，如果生活中没有这样东西， 你就无法取得成绩。我可以列出三样东西——但不能指出哪个才是最重要的。
看过这个电影片段，听了Curly的训导，我不断思考：“我的生活里一定存在起着根本动力的那一样东西。是什么呢？”
最终我发现了。那些隐藏着的，深深埋葬于心的事。曾几何时，我一直找错了地方；我一直在自己的激情中寻觅。我等会儿会告诉你我发现了什么，但首先我想说说我是如何找到的。“我欣喜若狂的时候有哪些？”我问这个问题使我找到生活中最重要的。
我的回答是一连串的回忆：与儿子在沙漠的月光下露营，与搭档的温柔一抱，与年轻的朋友在沙滩上跌跌撞撞的走路，与密友在无言的禅悟中分享快乐，与学生的不期而遇，还有创作时的兴奋。
你有哪些回忆呢？
现在整理出一个与这些回忆相关的主题。你的中心思想是什么？
当我在寻找中心思想时，发现的结果是：亲密。
在我的生命里，亲密是至关重要的！我说的不是性亲密，而是深层联系的时刻。
你呢？你生活里的中心思想是什么？
生活中的这一样东西不是目标，而是我们的宏愿。让我来解释一下：目标是我们抱负的具体表现。抱负是我们想改变现状的梦想。而愿望是我们希望真正展现自我。比如，我的愿望之一是与我相遇的每一个人都保持深层联系。这个愿望是不可能实现的！这便是愿望的本质。我们不可能实现。他们像天上的星星引领我们前行。
当你找到了自己的那一样东西——你的宏愿，那接下来一个重要的问题是：
对你生活的要求是什么？
生活里的这样东西像一个码尺。我们可以把其带入生活圈子里的任何角落，用其测量我们的生活是否符合标准。因为如果我们的生活要和谐，就需要我们与这个码尺向协调。
当我把亲密与我的生活进行比较时，我得到了意想不到的结果。比如，我喜欢与别人共事。我喜欢创造联合规划。然而，为了与我的宏愿——亲密相协调，我需要注意与搭档的关系，而不是对某个合资结果。非常简单，如果我基于别人的不幸来赚钱，我不会快乐。我对亲密的梦想需要我关注他人的安乐，就和我自己的一样。
可能属于你的这样东西也对你的生活有所要求。是什么要求呢？
你一旦找到生活中最重要的东西，你可以用其找寻方向。比如，如果你在生活中有了一次新的机遇，你可以度量度量：“这与你的生活是否协调？”立刻，你就可以知道这个新的机遇会带来欣喜还是痛苦。
那么，你生活中最重要的是什么？
***
对即将来临的禅宗静修的流言越来越多！参与者人数将被限制——请现在登记你的兴趣爱好，以免错过。你可以在此.阅读更对关于禅宗静修的内容