Tweens are sensitive people and get their feelings hurt quite easily. Here are some tips on how to give constructive criticism while keeping self esteem intact.
Tweens are at a tough phase in their life. They are transitioning from the "little kid" stigma and finding where they fit in the "grown up" world. During this phase in life, tweens do not take criticism well because they feel like they know everything and correcting them is a huge blow to their self esteem.
How many times have you heard your 9-year-old say, "I knew that" or "that's what I meant to say," when you know full well that they are wrong. They get defensive in conversation when they are being told the correct way to do something, and while it is frustrating to parents, there are some ways to gently criticize and still get your point across.
Explaining Why Criticism is Important
Sit down with your tween and explain to him that everyone receives criticism throughout their lives. Even as adults, we are told how to do our job better through evaluations. It is learning to improve, and when given correctly, is an act of kindness, love, or concern. Criticism is not pointing fingers and telling you that you've failed. It is saying that you can do something even better. It is helpful to receive constructive criticism. Think of it as gaining knowledge and power, not as a put-down. Use criticism in a positive way and to your advantage.
Teaching Your Child to Accept Criticism
A person graciously accepts criticism when they:
Listen intently to the one giving advice. Make good eye contact.
Avoid negative facial expressions.
Stay calm.
Give feedback to the person giving advice to show understanding.
Get involved in the conversation and ask questions.
Try to correct the behavior or problem that is the subject of criticism.
Results of Accepting Constructive Criticism
Learning to accept criticism is a sign of maturity. It tells people that you are willing to improve your behavior and learn from mistakes. When given correctly, criticism should help in building self esteem. It also teaches your child how to give criticism to others in a way that makes them feel good about themselves.
When Criticism is Not Constructive
There is such thing as giving criticism in a negative way and for the wrong motives. If your child feels that he has received criticism in a way that makes him feel small and unimportant, he should tell you about this, so you can talk with the person giving criticism. If it is not given in a calm manner, your child will have a harder time accepting it.
译文:
给个建议性的批评——敏感对待成长中的青少年
青少年是敏感的人群，他们的情感很容易受到伤害，下面告诉你一些小窍门，在尊重他们的前提下，怎么样给一些建议性的批评。
青少年阶段是个令人头疼的阶段，他们从小男孩/小女孩长大到青少年，正在寻找适合他们成长的方向。在这个阶段，青少年不会很好地接受批评，因为他们认为他们了解一切，指出他们的错误被认为是不尊重他们。
当你了解到他们是错的时候，你会经常听到九岁的小孩在说，“我知道”或者“那正是我的意思”，因此当你纠正他们某件事时，他们开始对你有防范，当这些无益的时候，下面有几种方法让你的小孩逐渐地接受批评，慢慢地接受你的观点。
解释批评为什么重要
和你的孩子一起坐下来，向他解释每个人受到批评贯穿到整个一生，即使是成人。通过评估，我们被告知怎样把我们的工作做得更好，接受才能提高，同时接受正确的建议也是友好、关爱、关心的表现。批评不是揭你的短，这样你可以把一些事情做得更好。这对于接受建议性的批评是非常有帮助的，把它当作是获取知识和动力，而不是把它看成是令人难堪的行为，利用积极的方式使用批评，把你的长处发挥出来。
教你的孩子接受批评
一个人能够虚心接受批评，表现在
专心地听别人提建议，并使用眼睛传递信息
避免消极的脸部表情表达
保持沉着
给提建议者提供反馈表示你已经明白了
参与到谈话中，提出问题
提出正确的行为或问题是批评的主题
接受建议性批评的结果
学会接受批评是成熟的标志，它告诉别人你很乐意提高自己的能力，从教训中总结经验，当给予正确的建议时，批评可以帮助你建立自尊，同时教你的孩子怎样用正确的方式提出批评，这样他们也自我感觉好。
当批评不是建议性的
生活中也有这样的情况，用消极的方式和错误的动机提出批评，如果你的孩子用这样的方式接受批评，这样会让他感觉没有利处或不重要，他应该告诉你这些，你可以和建议者好好谈谈，如果不是用一种沉着的方式，你的孩子以后将很难接受建议。