The following is an extract from one of my fave movies - A Few Good Men (or as it's known here in Australia - Three Grouse Blokes):
Jessep (Jack):
"You want answers?" Kaffee (Tom):
"I think I'm entitled to them." Jessep: "You want answers?" Kaffee: "I want the truth!" Jessep: "You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has walls. And those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago and you curse the Marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall."
Maybe Jessep wasn't completely wrong... Sorry for boring you with half of the script but I love that part of the film (must be a boy thing). Even though Jack (sorry, Jessep) was kind of out of his tree when he spoke those words in the court room, he was, on a level, providing his audience with a certain degree of insight, honesty and truth.
He spoke some truth about the truth. So to speak. And the truth is that many people don't want to hear the truth - they want to hear what they're comfortable to hear. So often we don't want to be confronted, challenged or questioned and we definitely don't want to have to change our beliefs, behaviours or habits. Too uncomfortable and too inconvenient. And too much work. We're fine with the truth so long as it doesn't mean that we have to modify or interrupt our lives in any significant way.
So instead of being open to learning some valuable truth, truth that could change our reality for the better, we often become defensive, critical and/or angry. Acknowledging certain things would mean that we'd have to do and be different... and that's the last thing we want to do, so we don't. "Let them do the changing."
Sorry for being honest... Over the years I have been abused by many people for being honest about certain important issues. I call it honest, they call it offensive. Funny that. Perspective can be the difference between being empowered and educated, and being a victim. People ask for me advice and then when I tell them what they don't want to hear, they criticize me. Apparently it makes them feel better about themselves. I never (ever) tell people the truth to hurt, discourage or criticize - only to help them create positive change in their life. And yes of course, there is a time, a place and a way to deliver certain messages with sensitivity and compassion, but there's also a time when we need to stop skirting the issues and actually deal with things head on - as unpopular and as uncomfortable as that may be. I wish I had ten bucks for every obese person I've spoken to over the years who 'hardly eats a thing'.
Amazing phenomenon that; self-generating fat. "So where did all this fat come from then Kelvin? I know a little about the physiology of the human body and I'm pretty sure that fat can't be spontaneously produced from thin air."
Harsh? Nope; honest. The truth. Sometimes, things are as offensive as we make them. We can get offended or we can get enlightened. Smart. Proactive. Different. We can make a positive from something we once would have made a negative. The important thing about truth is how we deal with it and what we do with it. And many of us deal with it badly. Or don't deal with at all.
Darn those big bones "Sure Kelvin, you can keep lying to about your big bones, your slow metabolism, your crappy genetics and your very healthy diet for the next five years, but the only person you're fooling is you. Everyone in the world except you (apparently) knows that you tell lies and eat too much food. Get your head around that truth and you might actually change your body.
My experience is that the majority of people lie when questioned in any depth about their lifestyle, exercise and nutritional habits. That is, they don't tell me the whole truth. They selectively leave things out. They are more concerned with 'looking and sounding good' than they are with telling me the absolute truth and genuinely addressing their problems in a real and practical way.
Waddabout my hormones? Now, before you write in and tell me about hormonal issues and obesity... don't bother. Yes, I acknowledge that some people have significant problems with their endocrine system (it's actually a very small percentage of the overall population) but for this post and this lesson, these are not the people we're talking about. And by the way, if you think that our current global obesity epidemic is even vaguely because of 'hormonal issues' then you're extremely misinformed. Overall, we're fatter than ever because we eat too much and move to little... end of story.
Sure we can try and make it more complex and write another fifteen million books on the subject (and continue to go around in circles) or we can simply acknowledge the truth and do something about it.
There's a wacky thought.
A common Harperism that you'll often hear in my presentations is this:
"I can tell you what you want to hear, or I can tell you the truth... which would you prefer?"
Some people respond positively to this statement, others cross their legs and arms (and brains) and assume the defensive position - clearly, I've come to destroy their lives. I can usually identify the non-learners and the brick walls even before I open my mouth. Their body language is screaming:
- I don't want to be here - but my boss is making me.
- Please don't refer to me, look at me, ask me a question or involve me in any way.
- I am absolutely not ready to change, so don't you dare try and make me!
- Anyway, who are you to tell me anything, you big tool?
The years have taught me to be selective and discerning about what truth I share, when and where I share it, and with whom. When I'm coaching people these days, the first thing I do is find out whether or not they're genuinely ready to step into reality and talk about the core issues (about their situation and problems) in a real, honest and truthful manner. If all they want is for me to hold their hand and tell them that their destructive behaviours are understandable and okay, then I tell them to come back when they're genuinely ready to change and to be honest and accountable.
I do not try to teach people who do not want to learn. And neither should you. It's an exercise in frustration and futility. And sometimes, hostility!
We all do it.
We all avoid the truth from time to time. I've done it, you've done it. It's easier. For a while. Then it's much harder. Much. We do it with our health, our relationships, our career, our finances, our destructive habits... our life. I've spoken about this phenomenon before, it's called head-in-the-sand-itis. Most times, dealing with and acknowledging the truth in a honest, logical and practical manner (especially when it comes to our own behaviours and habits) will save us plenty of time, heart-ache and frustration over the long term.
Ignoring the fact doesn't change the fact. It is what it is.
Sometimes we just need to open our eyes.
-Craig
译文:
真相赤裸裸
克雷格·哈伯，励志演讲大师，作于2008年4月21日。
下面的对话是我从自己最喜欢的电影之一——《义海雄风》中摘录下来的。（影片名在澳大利亚被翻译成《三个臭皮匠》)
杰塞普（杰克·尼科尔森饰演）：你想知道答案吗？"
卡菲(汤姆·克鲁斯饰演):"我想我有权知道。"
杰塞普:"你真的想知道答案？"
卡菲:"我想知道真相！"
杰塞普:"你面对不了真相的！孩子，我们生活的这个世界有墙壁，有人荷枪实弹把守着。谁会这样做？你？你是韦恩伯格中尉？我比你有更大的责任去把事情弄清楚。你为圣地亚哥哭泣，你咒骂海军陆战队。你可以享受，享受不去了解我所知道的：圣地亚哥的死讯，尽管这是悲剧，却有可能拯救生命。而我的存在，尽管对你来说既古怪也很费解，但我可以拯救生命。你不想知道真相，因为你内心深处的某个地方不愿意让你在公众谈论，你想让我待在那板墙上，你需要我待在那板墙上。”
也许杰塞普不是大错特错的……
抱歉半篇的剧本可能让你昏昏欲睡了，不过我很喜爱电影的这个部分（可能有些孩子气了）。即使杰克(抱歉，是杰塞普)在法庭上说的这番话不那么符合他一贯风格，但他仍然在某种程度上给观众们带来了一丝的洞察力，正直和真相。他说了一些关于真相的真理。说起来，真实的情况是，其实很多人根本不想听到真相——他们只想听到那些让他们感到舒服的话语。有多少次，我们不想被比较，被挑战和被质疑。我们一点儿也不想去非要改变我们的信仰，行为或者习惯不可。这令人太不舒服，太困难，也太麻烦了。我们心安理得的面对着真相，只要它不是非要以任何一种方式让我们去修正或者打断我们的生活，
在真相面前，我们经常变得保守，批判或者暴怒，而不是去揭开真相，去记住一些有价值的真相，那些可以让我们现实生活更加美好的真相。因为承认了某些事情可能就会让我们不得不去做些改变，去变得不一样了……而这是我们最不想做的，所以我们不去做。“让他们去做改变就好了。”
抱歉，我说实话了……
这些年来，在某些重大事情上我被人谩骂了，因为诚实。我把它叫做诚实，他们叫它冒犯。有意思的是，掌握权势的人，受过教育的人和受到伤害的人看法又是不同的。人们问我建议，然后我说了一些他们不想听到的，他们就批评我。很显然，这会让他们觉得好受一些。我从来不会告诉人们真相是为了伤害，打击或者批评他们——只是要帮助他们在生活中做出有利的改变。而当然，是有一种方法传递某种讯息要带着设身处地和怜悯之情，但也是时候去不再回避事实，真正解决迫在眉睫的事情了——虽然这可能非常的不受欢迎和令人不悦。我只是在想我要是有十块钱，我会就给那些我这些年遇到过的胖人，那些“几乎不吃什么”的胖人。
令人惊奇的现象：自己长出来的脂肪。
“那开尔文你这些脂肪是从哪里来的？虽然我不懂人体生理学，不过我很确信这些脂肪不是从天上掉下来的。”
有些严厉了？不会。老实说，真相，有时候是我们自己把它弄得很令人不快的。我们可以是被冒犯，或者是被启迪。希望你可以明智些，主动些，然后变得与众不同。我们可以把之前的负面转化为正面影响。对于真相，重要的是如何去处理它，我们用它做了什么。而我们很多人把它处理得很糟糕，或者根本置之不理。
编造那些大骨架
"当然开尔文，你还是可以继续撒谎，说你的大骨架，你那缓慢的新陈代谢，你那扯淡的遗传学还有你那未来五年非常非常健康的食谱，不过你其实只是在自欺欺人。这个世界上除了你（很显然）没有别人知道你撒谎了，还吃了很多东西。回头看看事情的真相吧，你可能就会真的去瘦身了。
我的经验是，当问到任何涉及他们深层次的生活方式，锻炼情况和饮食习惯时，大多数人就会撒谎了。这就是说，他们根本不会告诉你整个事情的真相。他们有选择性地保留了一些事情。他们更关心“看起来和听起来好”，而不是告诉我真正的真实情况和真诚地用一种实在的和实际的方式来说出他们的问题。
那我的荷尔蒙怎么办呢？
现在，在你提出和告诉我关于荷尔蒙和肥胖的问题前……别忙。是的，我承认有一些人内分泌系统有很大问题（其实只占总人口的很小比例），不过在这次演讲这堂课里这些人不是我们要讨论的。顺带一句，如果你认为我们当前的全球流行性肥胖由于“荷尔蒙问题”而变得有些难以捉摸了，那你就真的搞错了。总的来说，我们比以前更胖了，因为我们吃得更多却更少活动……事情就是这样了。
当然我们可以试着去让它更复杂一些，关于这个问题还可以另外再写一千五百万本书（然后继续绕圈圈），或者我们就老老实实地承认这个问题的真相，然后做点什么。
有一种很古怪的思想。
你在我的演讲中经常会听到我标志性的问句是这样的：
“我可以告诉你你想听到的，或者告诉你事情的真相……你想要那个？”
一些人会正面地回答这个问题，其他人就会翘起脚，叉着手（抱着脑袋），然后采取一种防备的姿势——很明显，我是来破坏他们的生活的。通常我都能在我开口之前辨别出那些不是来学习的人和脸皮厚的人。他们的肢体语言是在叫嚷着：
我根本不想来的——我老板逼我来的。
请别提到我，别看我，别问我问题，千万别把我扯进去。
我一点儿都不准备去改变——所以你敢来动我试试！
随便啦，你是谁啊来跟我扯这么多，你这个大木头！
岁月教会了我要有选择性有识别性地去对待那些别人跟我分享的真相，是何时何地与我分享的，和谁和我分享的。这些日子我在指导别人时，我所做的第一件事就是去弄明白他们是否是真的真诚地准备去进入本质，去谈论那些核心事宜（关于他们的所处形势和问题），而且是用一种实在的，诚实的和真实的方式。如果他们只是想我去握着他们的手，然后告诉他们他们那些非常糟糕的坏习惯是可以理解是没问题的，那么我会告诉他们当他们真诚地准备好要去改变，变得诚实，能担当责任的时候再回来。
我不想去教导那些不是想来学习的人，你也不应该去教导他们。因为这会是一场挫折又徒劳的练习，而且有时候甚至会产生敌意。
我们都做了。
我们总是不时的逃避真相。我已经这样做了，你也已经这样做了。这样暂时会轻松一些，可过后就会更加难受，难受得多。我们这样做是为了我们的健康，我们的亲人，我们的事业，我们的经济，我们非常糟糕的坏习惯……还有我们的生活。我之前已经说过了这个现象，这叫做“鸵鸟”，把头埋进沙子里。大多数时候，用一种诚实的，符合逻辑的和实际的方式（特别是当涉及到我们自身的行为和习惯时）来处理和承认真相，从长远看来，会节省我们大量的时间，让我们不会那么心痛和沮丧。
忽略掉事实并不会改变事实，它依旧是它。
有时我们其实只需要睁开眼睛而已。
——克雷格