Image courtesy of Evil Erin
Some of us have had a tough go of it in life. We have had experiences, maybe starting at a very young age, that have affected our self-esteem, relationships, and ability to succeed in life. We might be dealing with depression or anxiety or have difficulty coping. These experiences are commonly called “wounds.” We feel damaged and strive to heal through psychotherapy and reading self-help books. We think that if we fix the broken parts of ourselves, we will eventually feel normal again.
The assumption embedded in this focus on self-improvement is that happiness (or contentment, peace) is a state that we might attain some time in the future once all our problems are solved. It is easy to forget, but essential to remember that: we are already whole.
All of the wounds we think define who we are are actually conditioned. They are they result of lessons we have learned based on experiences we have had. Consider a 5-year-old boy who is ridiculed every time he cries, or a young girl left to fend for herself while her mother lies drunk on the couch. We don’t naturally suppress our emotions or feel lonely or abandoned – these reactions are learned from situations we encounter.
So who are we before this learning took place? I invite you to take a look and see. Drill down, like a miner searching for gold, to the place in you that has existed prior to any learning. You may be going to your birth, or even earlier. What do you find? You will see that who you are before conditioning – that is, the unconditioned you – is whole, free, light, and clear. It has no problems and is lacking nothing. No matter how many challenging experience you have had or how badly you feel about yourself, this state of wholeness is still here. It is who you actually are.
This unconditioned state can be subtle. You can discover it if you investigate underneath your thoughts and feelings. It also unexpectedly appears in daily life – do you recognize it?
- Being caught up in the flow of an enjoyable experience
- Laughing uncontrollably
- At the moment of orgasm
- A second or two of happiness that wells up from nowhere
- A feeling of peace or bliss when in nature.
When we have experiences like these, we sometimes say that we lose ourselves in them. I would argue just the opposite – that this is when we actually find ourselves.
What is common to these experiences is that the thinking mind is at rest. We perpetuate problems in our lives by thinking about them. Over and over, we repeat the same stories of what should or shouldn’t have happened, of sadness and despair, of being overwhelmed and unable to cope. They become our identity and we live according to them. If we look prior to the stories, or if our thinking naturally stops, we discover this place of wholeness and freedom that is, and always has been, present.
In the world of self-improvement, we tend to look outside ourselves for methods that will fix us so we can feel better at some future time. Try something radical, which is making a U-turn with your attention. Look inside yourself underneath the wounds, prior to all conditioning, and discover that peace is here, available now.
When you are in the throes of your problems, feeling like you will never feel better or improve, know this essential truth: You are already whole.
Are you aware of the state of wholeness? I’d love to hear your reactions and insights.
About the author: Gail Brenner, Ph.D. offers practical and inspiring wisdom for realizing true happiness at her blog, A Flourishing Life, focusing on real solutions for self-defeating habits.
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You Are Already Whole
译文:
你已经是完满的了
图片由Evil Erin提供
人们都有过艰难的时候。或许我们在很小时候就有过这样的经历，这些经历影响了我们自尊的培养，处理人际关系，以及在今后取得成功的能力。我们也可能遇到烦心事，感到沮丧焦虑，甚至觉得难以应付。通常这样的经历被称为“创伤“。这种情况下，我们觉得“很受伤“，并且努力的通过心理治疗和看自助书籍以求痊愈。我们认为如果补好身上的缺口，最终才会觉得正常。
在自我完善的思想里有一种假设，那就是一旦我们解决了所有问题，在将来我们才能幸福，或说达到满意平和的状态。有一句话虽然容易忘记，但却非常重要：我们已经是完满的了。
事实上，我们所认为的这些“创伤“能说明我们是谁的想法，是受条件限制的。而这些创伤则来源于我们的经验所得。想象一下，一个5岁的小男孩，每次一哭就有人嘲笑他，或一个小女孩在她妈妈醉倒沙发时只能孤单单的自己照顾自己。我们不会自然地压抑自己的情绪或觉得孤独，或被人遗忘 - 之所以有这样的感觉是因为有过痛苦的经历。
那么在这些不快的经验之前呢，我们是怎样的？我想请你仔细的审视自己。就像一个矿工寻找金子那样的一路到底，追溯到你最初的样子。你可能会回到你出生的时候，或更早的时候。你找到了什么?那是一个不加任何修饰的你 - 就是纯粹的你 - 没有遗憾，自由，明亮，纯净。完美无瑕。不论你经历了多大的困难，或你觉得自己多糟糕，这种完满的状态始终如一。那才是真实的你。
这种完满的状态是很微妙的。细细探究你的思想和感觉，你就会发现它。同样，在每天的生活里，它也会出人意料的现身 - 问题是你意识到了吗？
- 有令人愉悦的经历
- 不由自主地笑
- 在高潮的那一刻
- 持续一两秒的莫名幸福感
- 在亲近自然的时候觉得平和、幸福
当我们有这样的经历，有时会觉得沉浸其中，不知身在何方。而我要说 - 这才是发现自我的真正时刻。
产生这些经历的共同点是因为我们的想法停滞不前。我们总不停的庸人自扰。一遍一遍，我们重复的想什么是该有的，什么是不该有的 - 像悲伤，绝望，无能为力，无法应对的境遇。这些成了我们的标签，我们被牵着鼻子走。如果我们回想下过去，或让思绪自然停歇，我们会发现海阔天空，以及自始至终都在的自由。
在不断自我完善的世界里，我们倾向于从外面看自己，然后寻找办法“补全”自己，好让自己在将来觉得好些。试试比较“激进”的做法，就像让你的注意力急转弯一样。从创伤的下面看自己，抛开所有的程式，你会发现平和就在那儿。
当你深陷痛苦中，觉得你不会得救或有所改观的话，记住这个重要的真理：你已经是完满的了。
你是不是意识到了这种完满呢？我很乐意倾听你的意见和想法。
关于作者：盖尔 ．布莱纳，心理学博士，她的博客，郁郁葱葱的人生，字里行间洋溢着智慧，充斥着激发人们发现幸福的金玉良言。主要帮助人们解决不战自败的毛病。
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你已经是完满的了
