原文: Start Making Friends

One thing I have never particularly enjoyed is making “small talk” with strangers. Everywhere we go we are surrounded by new people (a nicer term than strangers) - just try walking down a shopping street. Most of the time we make little effort to interact with them. “Small talk” situations arise socially or at work when we are thrown into a confined space with these new people, and feel we have to interact to be polite.

Yesterday I had to go one stage beyond making small talk. As part of my photography course we went to a local market to do a social documentary project. It was suggested we politely ask stall holders if they minded having their photograph taken before shoving a camera in their face!

It was an interesting morning. Before setting off, most of us expressed misgivings about approaching total strangers and asking if we could take their photograph. We joked about being arrested or punched for our trouble - trying to hide the fact that we weren’t particularly confident. Even our tutor, Simon Lawrence - an experienced photo journalist - reflected on how such situations can create tension.

The worst thing that could happen did - people said no with varying degrees of politeness. Fair enough, not everyone likes being photographed. But quite a few said yes. What was also interesting that after a while it became a lot easier to ask the question - and a more positive, friendly approach was more likely to produce a positive, friendly response.

One of my favorite blogs, the positivityblog, had a good post last year on”assuming rapport“. This basically means that instead of going into an interaction with a new person worrying about how it will go, you adopt the attitude that you will make a good connection:-

Just before the meeting, you just think that you’ll be meeting a good friend. Then you’ll naturally slip into a more comfortable, confident and enjoyable emotional state and frame of mind.

This is logical and perhaps just another variation on my old favorite of positive thinking. But meeting new people and being able to “connect” is a vital skill if we are to progress in any walk of life. And its an area where it is easy improve your confidence - there are so many new people out there to practice on!

Try building on your current interactions - have a conversation when you’re next in a shop. Try asking a question that will need them to respond in some way other than yes or no. Focus on them - be genuinely interested in them. The more outward you look, the less you worry about yourself.

You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. Dale Carnegie

The longer people talk, the more information they share, the more they learn about each other. Be prepared to share information about yourself - but wait to be asked rather than offloading at the first opportunity.

The more confident you become at breaking the ice with new people, the more your body language will reflect your more relaxed and positive attitude. Consequently other new people will feel more relaxed when you approach them. Like with our photography project - its easier to get results when you are confident.

译文: 开始结交朋友

我从来都不喜欢的一件事就是同陌生人闲谈。不论到哪里，我们总是被新的人（一个比陌生人好听的词）包围着——只要试试走一条商业街就知道了。大部分时间我们几乎不费什么精力同他们互动。“闲谈”这种情形出现在当我们因社会或工作而同一些新的人被局限在一个空间内时，觉得出于礼貌我们必须做一些互动。

作为我的摄影课程的一部分，我们到当地的一个市场做了一个社会纪录的活动。这要求我们在把摄像机凑到摊贩的脸上之前，得先礼貌地询问他们是否介意被拍照。

这是一个有趣的早上。在开始之前，我们大部分人对接近整群的陌生人并向他们询问我们是否可以对他们拍照表现出担心。对我们的麻烦大家开玩笑说也许我们会被逮捕或殴打——以试图来隐瞒我们不够勇敢的事实。甚至我们的指导老师，西蒙.劳伦斯，一个经验丰富的新闻摄影师，也表现出这样的情形会制造出怎样的紧张情绪。

可能发生的最坏的事出现了——别人对你说不，同时伴随着礼貌程度的急速改变。公平地说，谁也不喜欢被拍照。但有相当一部分人说了可以。同样有趣的是过了一段时间之后，询问那个问题开始变得的容易多了，而且比较积极友好地接近更有可能产生一个积极友好的反应。

我最喜欢的一个博客——“积极性”博客，在去年有个很好的帖子叫“假定融洽”，它的要义即，与其在同新的人开始进行互动前担心可能发生的事情，不如采取认为你将建立一个很好的联系的态度。

在开始会见前，你只需假设你将要和一个很好的朋友见面。这样你的头脑就会自然地进入到一个比较自在、自信和令人愉快的情绪和精神状态当中去。

这是合乎逻辑的，并且也许只是我对积极思考的老喜好的一种改变。但是同新的人见面并能够产生联系是我们人生到了上要取得进步的一个极其重要的技能。而且这也是一个容易建立你自信的区域——那里有足够的新的人来让你练习。

尝试建立起你当下的互动——当你在一个商店附近的时候进行一次交谈。试着问一些需要他们以一些方式做出反应而不只是回答是或否的问题。关注他们——真心地对他们感兴趣。你看起来越外向，你对于自己的忧虑就会越少。

当你对别人产生兴趣时，你在两个月之内结交到的朋友，会比让别人对你产生兴趣而在两年内结交到的朋友要多。

人们交谈的越久，相互交换的信息越多，他们对对方的了解就越深。准备好分享有关你自己的信息，但在第一次机会中要等待被问到而不是将信息自动释放出来。