Have You Organized Your Expedition Yet?
If you search Google for “self confidence” you will often come across articles about children gaining confidence by participating in various activities, as diverse as karate, ballet or magic. One of my favourite posts, “How to Build Self Confidence Through Activity” discusses this issue. I did express concern that the amount of practice and skill required to do some activities (ballet, karate) well may make them counter productive - especially when aimed at children.
However, the post and my general attitude to activity (especially as an Occupational Therapist!) as a tool to build self confidence is very positive. I had a chance to reflect on this last week when my daughter received her Duke of Edinburgh (DofE) Gold Award at an elaborate ceremony in London.
The DofE has been going over 50 years and over 4 million young people have completed either the bronze, silver or gold award. The purpose is:-
DofE programmes help young people develop into fully rounded and responsible individuals. Participants will see new talents and skills develop and emotional maturity blossom whilst also building their fitness and initiative.
At the ceremony the expression “build self confidence” came up on a few occasions; from a recent survey 85% of gold award holders reported increased self confidence. To achieve any of the three awards the youngsters have to take part in various activities in the following sections:-
Volunteering - helping someone, your community or the environment
Physical - becoming fitter through sport, dance or fitness activities
Skills - developing existing talents or trying something new
Expedition - planning, training for and completing an adventurous journey
Residential (Gold only) - staying and working away from home as part of a team
I should add that my other two daughters did start the DofE but didn’t pursue it. One major problem with the DofE is that it needs the support of schools and volunteer leaders to help facilitate the programmes. My elder daughter happened to go to a school where the DofE was seen as a “good thing” and she got the support.
As adults, how often do we get involved in volunteering, take up sports and get fit, make a concerted effort to improve one of our skills, or plan and take part in an expedition! Some may sound unrealistic, but the common thread is they all involve stepping outside our comfort zone.
I write this as Ranulph Fiennes becomes the first Briton over 65 to reach the top of Everest - having also been to both North and South poles and only a few years ago ran 7 full marathons in 7 days. Yet:-
He achieved this feat despite having had a heart attack, triple bypass surgery, prostate cancer treatment and a previous attempt stopped by a critical angina attack at 28,000ft.
The above quote is from an excellent full profile in The Times. I’m not suggesting anyone else goes to that extreme, in a previous post I have challenged some of the mentality behind risk taking:- Does taking risks build confidence? But stepping outside our comfort zone for the most part shouldn’t involve life threatening risk.
Make my Kids Happy
Coincidentally, there was an “experiment” conducted by a TV show recently that also looked at introducing activity. But initially they took away teenagers “bling” for 4 weeks. By bling they meant any electrical item (TV, MP3, phone, computers) and things like make up. By removing bling and introducing other activity, did this increase the teenagers self esteem?
As an experiment I was somewhat sceptical as they only used 12 subjects. Also, as with the happiness experiment I reflected on, being part of a television programme and being in a select group is going to have an effect on your self esteem anyway.
As part of the experiment they had to fill the vacuum left by giving up their electronic entertainment by doing voluntary work and other activities - such as talking to their families! However, the big focus was on the use of make up by the 14 year old girls, as that, worryingly, was what they found most difficult giving up.
Using valid and reliable self esteem rating scales they did show a significant increase in the participants self esteem - which the tests showed was quite low to start with.
What I thought was significant was the ongoing work that was done by the psychologist running the experiment. From the ongoing interviews it was clear how much the self esteem of the participants - particularly the girls - was tied up with their appearance. Giving up their make up was like being asked to go to school naked.
In this case the activity became secondary. Convincing the children that their value didn’t depend on creating a false beauty, that they all had a natural attractiveness that didn’t need “paint” to realign, was the central theme of the programme. It did appear to convince some of the participants, but to me flagged up how easy it is for people to develop a fragile self esteem.
“If rejection destroys your self-esteem, you’re letting others hold you as an emotional hostage.” ~ Brian Tracy
Comfort Zone Again
The actual DofE presentation was carried out by Sian Williams, a TV anchor from the BBCs Breakfast Show (so I was told, never watching TV at that hour). She gave a short speech, confessing to being extremely nervous at doing so in front of about 150 people.
This from someone who regularly appears on television in front on millions of viewers, and has reported from very challenging situations. But whilst appearing in front of a camera was now “comfortable”, giving a speech to “real” people was suddenly a step outside that zone!
译文:
走出你的舒适区
你已准备好探险了吗？
如果你在谷歌中搜索“自信”，你通常会发现一些孩子们通过参与各种活动树立信心的文章，比如空手道、芭蕾或魔术。其中我最喜欢的一篇《如何通过活动培养自信心》就是探讨这个问题的。我曾表达过对此的关注，并指出做好这些活动（芭蕾、空手道）所需的大量练习和技巧反而会抑制其产生——特别是针对孩子们的时候。
然而，这篇文章以及我（尤其以一位职业治疗师的身份）对于将活动作为一种工具来建立自信的总体看法是积极的。当上周我女儿在伦敦一个精致的典礼上得到爱丁堡公爵（DofE)金奖时,我有机会来思考这个问题。
DofE的评比已经持续了50多年，已有超过4百万年轻人得到过铜奖、银奖或金奖。这一活动的目的是：
DofE 活动旨在帮助年轻人全面发展并成为有责任感的人。参加者将会发现他们在提升健康和创造性的同时，新的天赋和技能得到发展，心智也进一步成熟。
在典礼上“树立自信心”的话出现过几次；最近的调查结果显示85％的金奖获得者表示提高了自信心。要得到任一奖项，年青人必须在以下方面参加各种不同的活动：
志愿者活动——帮助别人，你的社区或做环保
身体——通过运动、舞蹈或健身活动使自己变得更健康
技能——提高已有技能或尝试学习新技能
探险——计划、接受培训及完成一次探险之旅
生存（仅限金奖）——离开家作为团队的一员生活和工作
我还要指出我另外两个女儿也参加了DofE但并没有坚持。DofE存在一个重要的问题就是它需要学校和志愿者领导者的支持来帮助完成活动。我的大女儿正好在一所将DofE看作“好事”的学校读书而她得到了支持。
作为成人，我们多久参加一次志愿者活动，做运动和健身，切实努力去提升我们的技能，或者计划与参与一次探险？有些可能听起来不现实，但共同点是他们都涉及到踏出我们的舒适区。
我要以Ranulph Fiennes 为例，他是第一位超过65岁登上珠峰的英国人，同时他也曾到过南极和北极，在几年前还在7天中跑完了7个马拉松。然而：
尽管突发心脏病，历经三次心脏搭桥手术，接受前列腺癌的治疗，甚至前一次尝试由于危险的突发心脏病被迫在28，000英尺止步，但他仍能完成这样的壮举。
以上节选自《泰晤士报》的一篇精彩的人物专访。我并不是建议任何人都要做到这样极限，在之前的一篇文章中我已表达过对冒险背后一些心态质疑（《冒险能培养自信吗？》）但是踏出我们自己的舒适区通常是不会涉及有生命危险的冒险的。
让我的孩子们快乐
无独有偶，最近一个电视节目上进行的“试验”也着眼于介绍活动。但他们刚开始只是拿走青少年的“奢侈品”，并保持4周。所谓“奢侈品”是指电子设备（电视、MP3，电话，电脑）和化妆品之类的东西。通过拿走“奢侈品”及介绍其他的一些活动来试验是否提高了青少年的自尊。
作为试验，我对此是持一定怀疑态度的，因为他们只用了12名被试。而且，考虑到幸福感试验理论，参加电视节目和成为一个特殊群体的一员必将在一定程度上对被试的自尊心产生影响。
作为试验的一部分，他们必需用参加志愿工作和其他一些活动——比如和家庭成员谈天，以此来填补由于放弃电子娱乐活动产生的真空。然而，最大的焦点是14岁女孩使用的化妆品，令人担忧的结果是这成为他们发现的最难放弃的东西。
通过使用准确可信的自尊心评价量表，他们确实展示出参与者自尊心的明显提高，在试验开始同样的测试结果是很低的。
我认为有意义的是心理学家在主持这个试验时持续做的工作。从不间断的访谈中可以明显看出参加者，尤其是女孩子，他们的自尊心的和外表的联系有多紧密。不化妆就好像让她们光着身子去上学一样。
在这个案例中活动成为第二位的了。这个节目的主旨在于使孩子们明白他们自身的价值并不依赖于创造一个虚假的美丽外表，他们都有无需“粉饰”的天然吸引力来重新体现这一价值。它似乎说服了一些参与者，但对我而言只是提醒了我人们树立脆弱的自尊心是多么容易。
“如果拒绝就能摧毁你的自尊，那么你就会让人控制成为别人的情感人质。” ——Brain Tracy
再论舒适区
DofE活动是由Sian Williams主持的，她是BBCs晨早节目的电视主播（我是听说的，因为我从不看这个时段的电视节目）。她做了一个简短的演讲，并坦言在150多名观众前发言十分紧张。
这是一个经常在有成千上万观众的屏幕上出现，并在多种极具挑战性的情况下报导过的人的感受。当出现的镜头前使人“舒适”时，在“真实的”人前发言就突然意味着走出那个舒适区了！