原文: 5 Signs That You Are Turning Into A Dictator

Do you ever get the overwhelming urge to run your own country? Do you ever feel that everyone else is a fool and only you, and you alone, know what is good for the world? Ever feel the need to erect lots of statues of yourself?

If you answer yes to any of these questions, then there’s a good chance that you’re turning into a dictator. Hitler, Saddam, Stalin, Castro… and now, you. Here are five simple signs to look out for if you’re worried you might be turning into a dictator.

Power is a seductive mistress, an addictive thrill, one taste and you’re left thirsting for more. And with power comes the urge to conform the world to your whim, to bend reality to your designs, to forge your own heaven! As the old saying goes: absolute power corrupts absolutely. And you want that power! You want to control absolutely everything! One day you might be standing on the platform in the rain, waiting for a train which is a little late, the next you’ve vowed to make the trains run on time; not just your train, but all the trains in the country, all the trains in the world if you can get your hands on them! It happens. Just look at poor old Mussolini.

You have the power. You are the law!:

When you get into an argument or debate you see it a little differently from normal people. Most people recognise that whoever they’re arguing with has a different point of view from themselves. Not you. When someone disagrees with you they’re not just expressing their point of view, they’re sowing the seeds of sedition, they’re undermining civil stability and spreading enemy propaganda, they’re practically begging to be taken out behind the chemical sheds and shot. Dictatorship here you come.

One of the tell tale signs that you’re becoming a dictator is when genocide no longer looks quite so bad. I mean ok, you still don’t think it’s a good thing per say, but you start to think it has it’s uses. Those folks not too keen on towing the party line? Genocide - it’s probably for the best in the long run. The more the potential dictator thinks about it, the better genocide seems. Never much liked the French? Genocide. The skin tone/hair colour/traditional clothes of that ethnic grouping not matching the colour scheme your designer recommended for that bit of desert? Genocide. Annoyed by old people? Genocide. Squirrels stealing all the nuts? Genocide. It’s a slippery slope to dictatorship.

Every good dictator needs their own set of groupies. Hitler had his brown shirts, and then the SS. Mussolini had his black shirts. Saddam had the Republican Guard. Seems it just feels nice to be surrounded by people who like you, people who are dedicated to you, people who would kill and die for you. So, if you ever start feeling the need to surround yourself with a large group of very violent people, preferably all wearing the same colour shirts or sporting large 80’s aviator sun glasses (even when they’re inside) or waxed moustaches, then you’re in danger of becoming a dictator. [Image Source]

It’s a well known fact that dictators are pretty darn eccentric and don’t feel bad about imposing their little oddities upon their loyal subjects. So if you ever feel the desire, just for the hell of it, or wonder what it would be like to: make beards illegal, have ‘Hopping Wednesdays’, deport all the turtles, declare yourself a reincarnation of Napoleon or make everybody shave the left side of their head; then you’re well on your way to dictatorship.

Dictators are well known to be egomaniacs. There seems to be a strange correlation between being a dictator and feeling the need to erect lots of statues of yourself in flattering and glorifying poses, to plaster every available flat surface with posters of yourself, to mint coins with your stately noggin printed on them, to put your face on all the stamps, on all the chocolate bars, to have your own three hours weekly television program. In short, you really love yourself. Of course dictators explain this strange egocentricity away by saying that it’s just so that people know they care about them, to know that they are looking over and after their people. Yeah, that explains why little Jimmy has to wake up screaming and sweating in the night to a poster of your dictatorial grin looking down on him from the bedroom ceiling. So if you ever get the urge to start slapping photos of yourself all over the place, then you’re probably becoming a dictator.

Contributor: Nicholas Cockayne

译文: 你正在成为独裁者的5个征兆

      你是否有过想要支配自己国家的强烈欲望？你是否曾经认为这个世界上的人都是蠢货，唯有你，知道怎样打造一个美好的世界？是否想过到处造一点自己的雕像？

      如果以上三个问题中有一项你回答“是”，那说明你很有可能正在成为一名独裁者。希特勒，萨达姆，斯大林，卡斯特罗...，还有你。要是你担心自己会变成一位独裁者，就要对以下5个简单的迹象有所防范。

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刚愎自用，独裁者必垮台

      权利是勾人的情妇，使惹人上瘾的兴奋剂。尝上一口，你就会对它欲罢不能。随着手中的权力日渐壮大，你就越想要让整个世界为你是从，想让现实根据你的设计转变，想去创造自己的天堂！老话说得好：独裁者必垮台。但是你太想拥有权势了！你想绝对的统治一切！也许某一天你站在雨中等着晚点的列车，然后你就发誓说一定要让列车准点不可，不单是你在等的车，而是国内所有的列车，要是可以的话，世界上所有的列车！不乏这样的真实例子，看看可怜的墨索里尼吧。

      你有权，你说了算！

      当你陷入一场争论或辩论，你的态度会与常人有些不同。一般人们都把自己的辩论对象看作是与自己有不同意见的人。但你不是。要是有人对你提出不同意见，你觉得他们不是在表达观点，他们是在企图煽动叛乱，他们是在扰乱公民稳定，宣传敌对思想，他们是在找上门来要被拖到化工栅栏后枪毙。独裁主义就是这么开始的。

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种族灭绝：这也不完全是个坏主意，不是吗？

      有一种迹象会泄露你正在成为一名独裁者的事实——你不再觉得种族主义听起来很恐怖。好吧，我是说，你本质上还不认为种族主义是好事情，但你开始觉得它也有它的好处。那些并不十分热衷于划清党派界限的家伙们？种族主义-大概从长远角度来说是有益的吧。如果一个人可能成为独裁者，那在这个问题上，他会越想越觉得种族主义有好处。从来就不太喜欢法国人？种族主义。吃甜点的时候发现那些少数民族的肤色/发色/传统服饰的颜色不符合你的设计师建议的颜色搭配？种族主义。觉得老年人很烦人？种族主义。觉得是松鼠偷走所有的坚果？种族主义。种族主义是通向独裁主义的滑坡。

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党羽

      每个有能力的统治者都需要建立自己的党羽。希特勒曾经拥有一批穿着褐色衬衫的人，然后他又拥有了党卫军（SS）。墨索里尼有他的黑衣人。萨达姆有共和卫队。看来被喜欢自己的人拥护者的感觉真的很不错，他们听令于你，他们愿意为你出生入死，愿意为你杀人。所以说，要是你开始向往被一大群激进分子包围着的感觉，而且希望他们穿这同样颜色的衣服或带着80年代流行的那种飞行员墨镜（哪怕在室内），胡子抹得油亮亮的，那你处在变成独裁者的危险之中了。

 2

怪胎？我？

      众所周知，独裁者都是些性情古怪的人，而且毫不犹豫地把这些怪脾气强加于他们忠实的民众。如果你有这种渴望并且乐此不疲。吃面包成了犯法、星期三成了“跳跳日”、所有的乌龟都被驱逐、宣布自己是拿破仑转世或强迫别人把左半个脑袋上的头发剃光——要是你很好奇想知道这些事的结果，那你正在成为一名独裁者。

1

我，我，我

      大家都知道，独裁者都是些自恋狂。独裁者和雕像之间似乎有种奇怪的联系，独裁者们总希望到处竖立起自己光辉的形象，每一块空地儿上都贴着自己的海报，硬币上都铸着你庄严的形象，总希望邮票上和巧克力棒上都印有自己的肖像，希望每个星期电视台都花3个小时播放关于你的节目。总而言之，你真的很崇拜自己。党人，独裁者会为自己这种自我中心找借口说这样只是为了让群众知道自己想着他们，关心着他们。是啊，这真的是解释了为什么小杰米会哭醒，一身冷汗，只因为天花板上你的肖像冲着他笑。如果你开始希望能把自己的照片分发到各个角落，你可能正在变成独裁者。

贡献者：Nicholas Cockayne