photo by McPig
Many of my readers are experiencing job loss. Most are women whose husbands have been laid off. Some families have been lucky to get severance packages, but the money doesn’t stretch nearly as far as they need it to. Some women are facing having either to return to work after years of being home or taking on a second job to compensate for the loss of income. Emotions are running high.
Meanwhile, their husbands are searching for jobs, and some are considering returning to school. For some families, this works out well, but for others, it means a lot of new pressure on wives to pick up the slack. One reader, H. Meade, said: “My husband is all excited about returning to school. I’m standing there with my jaw hanging! He says he’ll get a part-time job, but he hasn’t been able to find any job, so I don’t see how that is happening. I’m torn between thinking this is a good thing, as he will get the education he needs, and being annoyed because everything is getting dropped on my shoulders, and I’m not sure I can handle it. I don’t even know if I want to!”
As someone who has experienced this problem, I hope people can come to a point at which they’re willing to do what it takes to improve their financial situations. If it means “doing it alone” job-wise, so be it. Don’t let fear or resentment overwhelm you. Look at the problem, and know you will get through this.
Even in the 21st century, many people carry the mindset that the husband is the provider. I look at marriage as a partnership and believe that both parties should do almost anything to improve a bad situation. If it means furthering his education, then you can do more to help both of you in the long term. It’s not a you-versus-him situation. You’re in this together.
Having your husband work two lower-paying jobs might be easier on you, but it doesn’t do anything to improve the future. Not that it’s beneath him, or that it’s not a viable option in some situations, but I’d look at helping to secure the situation and then improve on it. You can help secure it by getting a job or taking on another one, and he can simultaneously improve on it by going to school and working. Or vice versa.
Consider all sides of the situation. No one asked for this to happen, and both of you have the best of intentions for your family, right? You can’t simply sit back. You’re fully capable. Is it how you thought things would be? Absolutely not. But it is what it is, and you’re there in good times and bad. In the same way that you don’t want to feel as if you’re taking on everything, should your husband feel he’s got the burden of the world on his shoulders?
Some of you fear that you’ll have to work harder and feel stuck being the person doing it all. But this is your husband. Now is a good time to trust and believe in him. You have to think outside of yourself and be willing to step up. If you don’t, there’s no one else to blame for the consequences. Solutions don’t simply fall into your lap. Countless women have done this alone. It will be OK, really. Face the problem. Go out there and make your life better. Don’t do it with resentment. Do it because you’re a team. Do it for yourself. Think about the long term.
译文:
并肩作战，无往不胜
摄影：McPig
我的很多读者都失业了，而这些失业的人大多是一些女性，同时，他们的丈夫也被解雇了。有些家庭运气还不错，获得了一些失业补偿金，但是这些钱远远满足不了他们的需要。一些女性面临着两个选择，一是在做了几年家庭主妇后重新工作，或者再找一份工作来弥补收入上的损失。
同时，他们的丈夫也在找工作，有些在考虑要重回学校。很多家庭的计划进展还不错，但是对于另一些人，这意味着妻子们有了更多的压力负担琐事。我其中一个读者，H. Meade说：“我的丈夫一心想着回学校，我站在那惊讶的下巴也合不拢！他说他会找个兼职，但是他现在都没有能力找工作，所以我不明白他怎么会有这个想法。我简直就要崩溃了，他能够实现自己的愿望继续读书，我应该为他高兴么？但是这样所有的事情就落到了我的身上，我也不知道自己能不能应付，更何况我也不知道自己愿不愿意承担这些，让我很懊恼。”
我也曾经经历过这样的问题，人们应该做些什么来改善他们的经济状况。如果他们想要靠自己边打工边学习，那就让他们这样做吧，不要让恐惧和怨恨支配你，正视这个问题，相信自己能够克服。
即便是在21世纪，依然还有很多人认为，丈夫是挣钱养家的人。我认为婚姻是一种合作关系，双方都应该尽最大的努力来改善恶劣的家庭状况。面对他要深造的问题，你应该做一些有助于你们长远利益的事，双方不是对立的关系，而是并肩作战的伙伴。
也许让丈夫做两份薪水很低的工作会减轻你的负担，但这并不会对你们的未来有任何改善，并不是这样做让他有失身份，这样做在很多情况下也是不可行的选择。我会稳定现状然后再设法改善，你可以试着找一份工作或者换一份工作，而他就通过同时学习和工作来改善状况，或者倒过来分工也一样。
要全面地思考问题，没有人希望这种情况发生，双方都是为了这个家好，你不能坐以待毙，也需要出一份力。那么你是这样想的么？肯定不是。但事实就是这样，生活有好有坏。你不希望感到所有的事都在由你承担，同样的，你的丈夫也不希望所有的压力都施加在他的身上。
有些人可能会害怕你需要更努力的工作，然后认为所有的事情就应该都由你来做。但是他是你的丈夫，你需要信任他，不能只为自己着想。如果不这样做，有这样的结果也不能责怪任何人。天上不会掉馅饼。无数的女人都是独自承担这些的，这样做没问题，真的。面对这些问题，走出来，让你的生活更美好。不要带着怨气做事，要想着你们是一体的，从长远角度来看，这样做也是为了你自己。