c
Jack and Dan were sitting at the noisy bar called The Stable. Jack was newly divorced. Dan had never married. They'd gone to high school together in the late 70s, and had run into each other last year by accident, having not seen each other in over 20 years. Since then they'd been meeting up in the bar near Jack's work every second Friday, after his shift at FedEx ended. Dan was a freelance sports reporter and part-time deejay, and he had taken to re-educating his old friend on the dating scene. They were talking loudly, over the din of the crowd filling the place to overflowing.
Jack looked glum. "Geez, Dan, any more encouraging words? What you say defies Darwin's Law. All those guys over 45, and all those women over 40, all sidelined forever? Doesn't sound like the best formula for survival of the species."
"Nature doesn't want geezers reproducing. The genetic odds for the baby aren't good, and they won't be healthy enough to look after the little monsters until they leave home. This is nature's way of letting all the young, pretty, healthy bodies have all the fun, and then all the consequences."
"Then why does 'nature' have us lusting after those bods long after we can't 'compete'?" Jack inhaled sharply as two stunning girls in short skirts and goth adornments squeezed by them. "Christ, they can't possibly be old enough to drink."
"They're just enjoying their power. Don't begrudge it. We've fucked up the world they're going to inherit so much they might as well have fun while they can. We lust after them because it makes us feel more alive, happier, not because nature wants or expects us to sate that lust. Nature wants us to want to live. Their beauty is like a great work of art or music. We can appreciate it, even though we'll never own it. Or make anything comparable to it ourselves." He laughed.
Jack finished his wine and checked his watch. His friend was probably right, but it wasn't what he wanted to hear. The apartment he'd rented after the divorce was lonely, empty. He had no idea what to do with himself. Dan had invited him to a Junior A hockey game that Dan was covering for the community newspaper, but Jack had never been much of a sports enthusiast.
"Well, my friend, I'm seriously thinking of trying one of those dating services. Unless you have some better advice."
"My advice would be -- don't. You'll get entangled with women older than you want to fuck, with lots of issues, and quite possibly kids in tow they won't tell you about, or will tell you about and then get all defensive about. What you really need is a hobby to take your mind off your dick, and your loneliness. Which for guys our age are the same thing. Find something you like doing besides fucking teenagers."
"You're such a romantic, Dan. Just because you've never been in love doesn't mean no one else has."
"Oh, it's love you want, huh? Love is that chemical rush that fills your head with mush and makes you silly and short-sighted. Then one day you wake up and the rush is over and all you have left is the responsibility, and the desire to fall in love with someone else to take your mind off your misery. And the sense of guilt telling the unfortunate victim of your waning passion that it's over. Unless she tells you first, which just makes it worse. If we had any sense we'd have signs that said 'Caution -- addicted to love, will need a new fix every four months'. It never lasts. And every woman wants it to. If you can't take the withdrawal you shouldn't take the drug. I've been addicted for twenty years, and I just warn each woman who's even vaguely attracted to me that I don't do commitment, I'm incapable of being faithful, or being reformed, and if they're still interested in a fling I'm game. But it still always ends up badly, and quickly, for her or for me, every time. It's more trouble than it's worth."
"Then why are there so many people still looking for it, men and women, of all ages?"
"Because they can't help themselves. They're idiots. They won't learn. They let their emotions and hormones tell them what to do." He paused for a moment, ordered more wine for both of them. "Or maybe they're just bored, and looking for some fun. Is that what you're looking for, Jack? And if it comes in the form of a woman who's smarter than you, more self-sufficient than you, and way more cynical than you, which it usually does, are you still interested? For a guy who lugs parcels all day, you don't know much about baggage."
"No one's more cynical than you, Dan. There's all kinds of guys our age, happily married, content, even spoiled. I think I could settle for that."
"You're such a hopeless romantic, man. No one our age is happily married. The guys our age keep the porn industry in business, and their wives keep the romance novel industry in business. Their marriages are boring and sexless. They stay married out of habit not out of love. They live the same lives we do, except they have to go home every day after work. They live in their dreams."
Jack was staring at the two young goth girls, talking with each other, one of them also talking on a cell phone, giggling, trying to look oblivious to the men furtively sneaking glances at them. "I'd like to live in that dream", he said to himself.
"So buy them a round, see where it gets you", Dan said.
Two minutes later the bartender gave him the bill for two cocktails. Jack looked over at them. They smiled and raised their glasses, and one of them gave a mock curtsy. Then they turned away, returned to their conversation.
"On the red-eye flight back from the conference in Rome I ended up sitting beside this girl who was so attractive, so perfectly dressed, that I ended up staying up for the whole flight just watching her sleep. Watched the rise and fall of her breasts under her sweater. Listened to her sighs. She had the most delicious eyelashes, and this tiny perfect nose. I'd talked with her for five minutes -- she was on midterm break from university -- before I ran out of things to say. I just lay there in a stupor with a hard-on for five hours. It wasn't that bad, really. Most fun I've had in months."
"You're a sad case, Jack. You used to draw really well in high school. You could take it up again. Draw her, with and without the sweater. Draw yourself with her. It's the closest you'll ever get."
Dan turned towards the goth girls and started long-distance flirting with them. He figured he could get them to think it was he who'd bought the round, not Jack. He was gesturing to the two of them, and then to himself and Jack, and then shrugged and smiled. They laughed, and one of them wagged a forefinger back and forth in a joking rebuttal. Dan made a mock pout, then raised a finger ("aha!) and began acting out great eating gestures, then pointed at them, at Jack and himself again, and then at an empty table in the corner of the bar, and shrugged again. He put on his most harmless face.
The girls considered the offer among themselves, and then one of them shrugged back and nodded. "We're in", Dan said to Jack. "It'll cost you the price of a dinner, and it will probably only get you a nice fantasy to keep you warm for awhile when the image of the eyelash girl fades from memory. But you need the practice." He ushered his friend towards the empty table, and gestured to the two girls to go ahead of them.
(To be continued)
Artwork "In Deep Conversation" by Irish artist Pam O'Connell
译文:
不可能发生(1)
c
杰克和丹尼坐在一间叫做"马厩"的酒巴里。杰克刚离婚，而丹尼还没有结婚。他们在70年代的时候一起上了高中，当去年他们偶然相遇的时候，已经是20年没见了。自那以后每隔两周的的星期五他们总会在杰克工作不远的地方会面，那是杰克从联邦快递跳槽之后。丹尼是一个自由的体育播音员，也是一个兼职TJ，现在他正在帮杰克温习如何约会，他们聊得很大声，声音盖过了周围喧嚣的人群。
“杰克看起来闷闷不乐，继续，关于吉慈人，丹尼，还没有没更能鼓励人的话？你说不服从达尔文的进化论是怎么意思呢？那些45以上的男人，那些超过40的女人，要永远靠边站？”
“大自然不想让吉兹人传宗接代，他们的孩子身上的遗传基因不好，他们浑身带病，没法把他们那些丑陋的孩子照顾到能够离开家独自生活的时候。这就是自然规律，让年轻，美丽，健康的个体享受所有的乐趣，所有的成就。”
那为什么“自然”会让我们去想去追求那些可望不可及的人呢？当有两个穿着短裙，戴着哥特饰物的漂亮女孩从他们身过挤过去的时候，杰克深吸了一口气：“天啊，他们一定不会老到不能喝酒的地步。”
“她们只是在享受她们的活力，你不必对此感到不快，我们已经和很多人做过爱，这是她们也会继承的，如果她们也能享受到乐趣，那她们为什么不能这样做呢？我们对她们心存渴望是因为这让我们感到更有活力，更开心，而不是因为自然想让我们或希望我们去满足那些欲望。自然想要我们想活在这世上。她们的美就像是一件伟大的艺术品或作曲。我们可以欣赏它，虽然我们永远可可能得到，或变得同她们一样。”他笑了。
杰克喝完酒之后看看表，也许他的朋友是对的，但这不是他想要听到的，他离婚后住的房子很孤独，也很空虚。他不知道自己该怎么做。丹尼曾经邀请他去看一个他在当地报纸上报道的一个青少年曲棍球赛，但他对体育从来都不感兴趣。
“好吧，我的朋友，我现在真的想和好们当中的一个人约会，除非你有更好的建议。”
“我的建议会是——不要，你会陷入那些已经老到你不会想与她们做爱的女人当中，她们还有很多别的麻烦，很可能是跟在她后面而她又不想告诉你的孩子就是她的，或者和你说了然后会做好所有的辨解。你真正要做的就是找到一种消遣忘记你这些想法，还有你现在的孤独，这对于像我们现在这个年龄的人来说都是一样的。找到一些你真正想做的事而不是和那些十几岁的人做爱。”
“你太浪漫了，丹尼，但你从未恋爱过不意味着别人也没有。”
“哦？这么说你是想要爱喽？希望能与某人一起堕入爱河然后忘记你的烦恼？但是一种负罪感会让的热情逐渐消却，然后会让你那个受害者知道，你们之间结束了。除非是她先告诉你，是什么让她觉得不快。如果我们有这种感觉的话我们把它称为‘警告——对爱上瘾，每四个月都有重新定位一次’。这不会持续的，每个女人也都想要。如果你不能全身而退那你就不要动那个‘毒品’，我成瘾了二十年，我还警告每个女人，哪怕是对我有一点点模糊的感觉的而我又不做承诺的，我不会变得忠贞，或者改革，而如果她们仍然冲动地想要和我在一起，最后的结果仍然是快速而糟糕的终结，不论是我还是她，每次都如此。”
“那为什么现在仍有那么多人还在追求爱？男人女人，各个年龄段的人？”
“因为他们无法控制住自己，他们是一群傻瓜。他们从不吸取教训，他们受意识和荷尔蒙的驱使”，他停了一下，为他们俩叫了更多酒，“或者他们只是觉得生活太枯燥，要寻找一些乐趣，你是不是也这样想呢，杰克？而如果最后你得到的是一个比你更聪明，更能干，更加愤世嫉俗的女人，你对此还会感兴趣吗？你曾身处其中，确并不明白其中的道理。”
“丹尼，没有人比你更加愤世嫉俗的了，很多像我们这种年龄段的人，他们幸福地结婚，满足的生活，这种幸福甚至都要溢出来了，我想我也能够成为其中的一员。”
“你的浪漫太让人绝望了，伙计，我们这种年龄的人没有什么人是幸福地结婚的，我们这种年龄的男人看重的是色情，而女人看重的是浪漫，他们的婚姻枯燥，没有性爱，他们结婚是出于习惯而不是出于爱。除了每天下班都要回家，他们过的生活和我们没什么两样。他们生活庆自己的梦中。”
杰克正盯着那两个哥特式的女孩，她们正和对方闲聊，其中有一个还在用手机打电话，咯咯笑着，想要在周围丛偷偷瞄着她们的男人当中显得更显眼。“我倒是希望我能生活在那样的梦中。”他自言自语说。
“那请她们吃一顿，看看她们哪里吸引你了。”丹尼说。
两分钟以后吧员给他送上两份鸡尾酒的帐单，杰克看着她们，她们笑着戴上眼镜，其中一个还行了个模拟的屈膝礼。然后她们转过身，继续她们的谈话。
“在从罗马一世会议回来的红眼航班上，我就坐在这个女孩旁边，她是如此吸引人，穿着如此得体，整个旅程我都睡不着，一直在看她，只是看着她入睡，看着她毛衣下面的乳房的上面起浮，听着她的气息，她有着世上最优雅的睫毛，还有着最小巧玲珑的完美的鼻子，我得和她谈了五分钟——她正处于大学的期中放假期间——在我想出别的话题之前，我只能在那里想入菲菲，但这并没有什么，这是我这个月里面最开心的一刻。”
“你真是个悲哀的例子，杰克，你在学校的时候画画画得那么好，你现在还可以再来试试，给她画一服她不穿毛衣的画像。把你自己也画上，画得越近越好。”
丹尼转向了那些女孩开始了远距离的调情，他说他还能让她们认为是他请了他们喝酒，而不是杰克，他对她们两个打手势，然后又指了指他自己和杰克，然后耸耸肩微笑了一下。她们也笑了，有一个还向他们嘲弄地伸出中指摇了摇。丹尼也嘲弄地撅了一下嘴，然后伸出一个手指（啊哈！）然后做很大吃的样子，然后指了指她们，又指了指杰克和他自己，然后对着角落的一张空桌子耸了耸肩。他摆出了一副很亲切的面孔。
那两个女孩知道是在请她们，她们也向他耸耸肩，又点点头。“我们成功了”，丹尼对杰克说。“这可要你付出一顿饭的代价，或者会给你一个好的幻想来温暖你脑中对那个睫毛女孩正在逐渐消退的回忆。但你要做出行动。”他带着他的朋友向着那张空桌子走去，示意让那两个女孩子走在前面。
（未完待继）
插图来自爱尔兰艺术家帕姆·奥康内尔 “深刻的交谈”
类别：短篇故事