You see your child take a candy bar from the store and put it in her pocket. You notice your daughter playing with a Barbie that you told her she couldn’t buy at the store. You find a video game in your son’s closet, and know it doesn’t belong to him. The one behavior that’s guaranteed to shake up even the calmest parent is discovering that your kid has stolen something. Be assured that stealing is far more common than you might realize, especially amongst the younger set with a still-flimsy grasp of ownership. Around five and seven is when kids usually understand the hurtful effects of stealing. Once kids realize that stealing violates someone’s rights and can result in serious legal action against them, the problem becomes more serious. And stealing has become a troubling new youth trend:
One in four kids shoplift and a TIME/CNN survey of 9 to 14 years olds found that 36% feel pressure from peers to do so.
A survey of 20,000 middle school and high school students found that almost half of all respondents admit stealing something from a store in the previous 12 months
More than a quarter of high school students said they had committed store theft at least two times. Storeowners tell me shoplifting is so common that they have had to install security cameras and hire guards—and youths are always the biggest offenders. Malls across the country are now demanding parents accompany their kids to try and curtail the problem. Libraries are installing pricey security systems to detect book theft because it is so rampant. Principals complain one of the biggest discipline issues is dealing with students who are stealing from one another. (Hint on this one: Tell your kid to leave those pricey electronic gadgets at home!)
Police officers also say that summer (when kids have free time on their hands) is when shoplifting increases – and especially when there is an economic crunch. Though don’t be fooled. Research shows that most kids don’t steal out of financial need or greed. They have more than they could ever need or want.
A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of meeting Judy Whalen at a conference. This passionate lady is on a mission to turn this troubling trend around. Her website,
shopliftingisstealing.com offers great tips for parents and educators. Here are a few of Judy’s warning signs that your child—or his friends--may be shoplifting:
- Price tags or package wrapping are hidden in the trash.
- Goods show up in your house that you do not remember purchasing or your child has clothes or electronic items that you know he didn’t have the money to buy.
- Your child gives pricey gifts to friends or you and is secretive about extra income they get.
- Your child leaves the house with an empty backpack or wears baggy clothes or puts on a jacket when it’s warm outside (which could be indicative of another problem).
- Money or property begins disappearing from family members.
There is one central solution: parents! How parents react to their kids’ stealing can be either destructive or productive in helping them learn right from wrong. The best reaction is to make sure the child understands not only your expectation for honesty, but also why it’s important.
Though stealing is a common childhood problem it should never be allowed. Have you talked to your child? If not, make an appointment! Don’t be caught off guard! One in four kids shoplifts!
Get more info from TODAY on iVillage.
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of
No More Misbehavin': 38 Difficult Behaviors and How to Stop Them .
译文:
你的孩子将来会变成小偷吗？怎样看出征兆
当你看到你的孩子从商店擅自拿了块糖并放到了自己口袋里。当你注意到你的女儿玩着一个芭比娃娃，而你明确说过不给她在商店买这娃娃。当你在儿子的衣柜里发现了游戏机，并知道这东西不可能是他自己的。
铁定能让一直温和的父母大吃一惊的行为无疑就是发现你的孩子偷了东西。我肯定，偷窃行为的发生也许比你想的要普遍的多，特别在那些对所有权认识淡薄的青少年中更为寻常。到大概5岁和7岁时，孩子就会容易明白偷窃行为会有的恶劣影响。一旦孩子认识到偷窃行为侵犯了某些人的权利并会让自己惹上诉讼麻烦，那说明问题就更严重了。目前，偷窃行为已经在青少年中呈令人头疼的发展趋势。
四个孩子中就有一个是商店小偷，而一份TIME/CNN对9到14岁孩子的调查表明，其中有36%的人是因为来自家长的压力而去偷窃。
一份对20，000所中学和高校学生的调查显示，几乎有一半的人承认曾在之前的1年内从商店偷过东西。
超过四分之一的高校学生表示他们都至少偷窃过两次。
店家告诉我店里的偷窃行为非常普遍，以致于他们不得不安装监控摄像机并雇佣警卫——而青少年往往是最主要的犯罪者。该城市的购物商场现在都要求家长协同孩子一起尝试着去减少这类问题的发生。由于图书偷窃行为太过猖獗，图书馆安装了价格昂贵的安全系统以便及时制止。很多校长抱怨最大的处罚问题之一就是关于那些偷别人东西的学生。（其中的暗示就是：让你的孩子在家远离那些昂贵的电器！）
警察经常说夏天是商店偷窃现象的频发时间 - 特别是当经济萧条的时候。但可别被这现象忽悠了，因为调查显示大部分孩子并不是因为经济需要或者贪婪去偷窃。他们其实拥有的比自己需要和想要的都多。
几周前，我在一个会议中与Judy Whalen 进行了愉快的会面。这位性格刚烈的女士正受命于改变这个令人头疼的趋势。她的网站，shopliftingisstealing.com 为家长们和教育者提供了大量的小帖士。以下是一些来自她的警示征兆，即由此可知你的孩子或别人的朋友是否可能是小偷：
·把价格标签或包装材料藏在垃圾桶里。
·房间里出现了一些你并没有买的东西或是你孩子有了他根本没那个钱去买的衣服或电子商品。
·你的孩子送给了朋友或者你一些价格不菲的礼物，此外，他还偷偷摸摸地遮掩着突然多出来的钱。
·你的孩子把空空的背包丢在家里，或者在温暖的气候里穿着宽宽大大的衣服，要么穿着夹克。（这可能表明孩子有其他问题）。
·家里的人时不时地丢失财物。
要解决这个问题，有一个核心办法：那就是父母！父母对孩子偷窃行为的反应如何将在帮助孩子从错误中学习什么是对的过程里起到有益的促进作用或者毁灭性的反作用。最好的反应就是让孩子知道不是为了你们的期望去变诚实，而是因为诚实本身的重要性。
既然偷窃是一个普遍的青少年问题，它决不被允许存在。那你和你的孩子谈过了么？如果还没有，那快和他约个时间谈谈！千万不要到时候措施不及！四个孩子中可就有一个是小偷啊！
可从TODAY on iVillage得到更多信息。
Michele Borba 博士是《端正行为：38种奇怪的举动以及如何改掉它们》一书的作者。