First, understand that “Communication is the response you get.” This means that the key is to say things in such a way that the person you’re talking to perceives it the way you meant it. If you say something that was meant to make the person feel good, and they are offended instead, that is poor communication. We have to continually monitor the person we are talking to and adjust our communication strategies based on the response (feedback) we get. By attending to the feedback, and adjusting appropriately, we improve a great deal.
The next step is to have a clear goal. Most people are talking randomly and actually have no true goal. But when things don’t “go their way” they are surprised or sometimes even upset. When speaking, have a goal and don’t say or do anything that doesn’t move you in the direction of that goal. By keeping focused on this, you can keep the conversation on track and meet your goals.
Another great strategy is to help others feel good about themselves. Give light complements, they should be subtle, sincere and true. Acknowledge their points in the conversation, people love and need to be validated. Show that you care about and appreciate the other person, this can be a great relationship builder.
Practice “Conversational Generosity.” If you want to be liked or influential, let others speak the majority of the time. People we’re talking to naturally perceive us as talking longer than we actually did, so be aware of this. If you speak 50% of the time, you will be seen as “hogging” the conversation. If you speak 40% of the time, the conversation will seem “balanced” to your speaking partner. If you speak 30% of the time, or less, you’ll be seen as generous, attractive, and a good listener. One of the easiest ways to be liked is to be a good listener. People are starving for someone to actively listen to them. Strangely, the less you say, the more people listen and retain what you do say. Try it and see!
译文:
如何提高交流技巧
首先要理解“交流是你所获的反应”。这就是说，关键在于如何表达，使对方能准确理解你所说的一切。假如你说的是为了要让对方感觉良好，但却适得其反，惹对方生气，那就是交流失策。我们须不停地观察对方，根据所得反应（反馈）来调整我们的交流策略。能够留意反馈并做出适当调整，我们就会大有改进。
下一步是要有明确的目标。大多数人总是东拉西扯的毫无真正的目标。然而，每当事情不能“随心所欲”时，他们就感到惊讶或甚至于闷闷不乐。发言时要有一个目标，并且，不要做出任何与该目标背道而驰的言行。你若集中注意力，谈话不离题，你就能达到目标。
另一个大好策略是帮人消愁解闷。称赞时要含蓄，须真诚。承认对方在谈话中提出的观点，因为人们既喜欢又需要得到确认。显示你对他人的关心与赏识：这可是一个搞好关系的窍门。
实习“会话的慷慨”。你若要令人喜欢或要具有引响力，就让别人多发言。须知道，与我们谈话的对方会很自然的感觉我们说话的时间比实际用的时间长。你若用了谈话的一半时间，你等于是滔滔不绝地“占用”了整个谈话时间。你若用了四成时间，你的谈话伙伴觉得那是“均衡”的谈话。你说话时间若是三成或较短，你会被认为是既慷慨和具有吸引力，而又是一位好听者。最易于让人喜欢的其中一个方法是做一个好听者。人们巴不得别人在洗耳恭听。奇妙的是，你说的越少，人们听的越多，并且会牢牢记住你的话。不妨试试看！