Written on 4/09/2008 by Shelly DeVous.
“I laughed so hard, I cried.”
When was the last time you made that statement and really meant it; when you laughed so hard tears welled in your eyes? Hopefully, recently enough that you remember.
Laughter is a characteristic of a happy person and according to
Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, University of California-Riverside, the pursuit of happiness has many benefits:
- Higher income and superior work outcomes; better quality work
- Larger social rewards such as longer marriages, more friends
- More activity and energy
- Better physical health; lower stress and less pain
- Longer life
Sign me up! The benefits of happiness describe what most of us feel is an ideal life…more fun at work, many friends, successful relationships, lots of energy, and long life with less pain. And that’s not all!
“…happy individuals are more creative, helpful, charitable, and self-confident, have better self-control, and show greater self-regulatory and coping abilities,” according to Dr. Lyubomirsky’s research.
Convinced you should be a happier person? Our forefathers knew what they were doing when they include “the pursuit of happiness” in the Declaration of Independence. They planted the seed to what Dr. Lyubomirsky considers “…an American cultural obsession.”
If happiness is so beneficial, and we all seem to be obsessed with the notion, why aren’t more of us happy? The research suggests our focus may be misplaced:
“Pleasure-seeking, quick fixes, and self-gratification are proven to have limited long-term effects on true happiness.”
Forget about buying the new outfit, the fancy car, or the latest gadget as ways to achieve happiness. Purchases simply satisfy the short-term need for self-gratification. Things do not produce a happy life…
you do.
What does it take to be a truly happy person? Being happy and reaping the rewards of happiness does not mean adopting a “
Pollyanna” attitude. It is not smiling on the outside when you are really churning on the inside.
Real happiness has more to do with effort than attitude.
In her study [
.pdf], “Achieving sustainable gains in happiness: change your actions not your circumstances,” Dr. Lyubomirsky found that the secret to happiness is hard work
not “quick-fixes,” and compulsive self-gratification.
“Effort and hard work offer the most promising route to happiness….engagement in activities that promote one’s highest potential…enterprise, exploration of one’s interests and overcoming obstacles are the secret to happiness.”
Be happier by working harder? It sounds like an oxymoron! Most of us believe the opposite…work less and we’ll be happier, but that isn’t what the research suggests. The key to true happiness is to work at what you do best; do the work you are meant to do.
Remember the book, “
Do what you love, the money will follow: Discovering your right livelihood
?” It advances the idea that we should follow our heart to make a living. Dedicating your life to work that does not enhance your unique gifts it generates dissatisfaction and stress, not happiness. Work at what you do best, devote yourself to that effort, and happiness will be the logical result; not doing less of what you dislike, but doing more of what you love.
Doing what you dislike also thwarts creativity and hinders helpfulness. If you are unhappy doing what your doing, it is improbable that you will want to share your work or feel energized to apply creative effort. Dr. Lyubomirsky describes happy people as more creative, helpful, and self-confident. Confidence builds when we work creatively at what we are meant to do, and then selflessly share our work with others.
The pattern emerges: do what you love and creativity, confidence and helpfulness follows. You will be happier.
In my recent DLM article, “
Gain by giving: How to live a good life,” I described living A Good Life as sharing what is unique about you:
“Kindly, generously, share your opinions and ideas. Be truthful, honest and willing. Smile and be optimistic about your gifts. Give of yourself so others can gain. Do it everyday, with every encounter….Enriching another’s life with your unique gift is living A Good Life…however and wherever that manifests itself.”
Experiencing true happiness and living A Good Life are synonymous; the steps to each are the same:
- Be yourself
- Identify your unique gifts
- Engage in activities that promote your gifts—your highest potential
- Share your gifts with others
- Confront obstacles, don’t shun them
Pursuit of happiness is an inalienable right. You are meant to be happy…to do what you love not what you hate; using your unique gifts to enrich your life and the lives of others. When you do that, you will experience true happiness and all its wonderful benefits.
That is no laughing matter!
译文:
真正的快乐：不是可笑的事
2008年4月9日，作者：Shelly DEvous
“当我笑得太厉害时，我哭了。”
你最后一次这样说是什么时候，当时你笑得那么厉害连眼泪都出来了？希望时间足够近，你还能记起来。
笑声是一个快乐的人的特征。根据加利福利亚河畔大学的Sonja LYubomirsky博士的研究，追求快乐可以带来许多益处：更高的收入和更突出的工作成果，更高质量的工作；更多的社会回报，比如更加持久的婚姻、更多的朋友；更多的活动和精力；更加健康的身体；更少的压力和痛苦；更长的寿命；更重要的是，让人振奋！
快乐的益处描述了我们大多数人所认为的理想生活：工作更多乐趣、有许多朋友、成功的人际关系、精力充沛长寿、更少的痛苦。但那并不是全部！
“……快乐的人更加有创造性，更加有用处，更加仁慈，更有自信和自控能力，并且表现出更棒的自律和处理问题的能力。”LYubomirsky博士在研究中这样说。
确信你是一个快乐的人吗？
我们的祖先在把“追求快乐”写进独立宣言的时候，是知道他们在做什么的。他们在LYubomirsky博士所认为的“……一种美国文化困惑”中种下了一颗种子。
如果快乐有这么多的益处，并且我们又为这个观念所迷住，为什么我们中的大多数人并不快乐？研究提醒我们，那可能是我们注意的重点错位了：
“在带来真正的快乐方面，找乐子、快速定位以及自我陶醉被证明是短期效应的。”
不要去想买套新衣服，一辆靓车，或者最新款的小玩意是获得快乐的途径。购物只能满足短期的自我陶醉的需要。事物并不能带来快乐的生活，只有你自己能。
怎样才能成为真正快乐的人？
想要快乐并收获快乐所带来的回报并不意味着采取“盲目乐观”的态度。它不是表面上微笑内心里却在煎熬。比起态度来，真正的快乐与努力的关系更大。
在LYubomirsky博士的研究中，“获得持续快乐的方法：改变你的行动而不是改变环境。”LYubomirsky博士发现，快乐的秘密是努力工作而不是“快速定位”和冲动的自我陶醉。
“努力和勤奋工作提供了最有作为的通往快乐的路径……从事能够发掘人的最大潜力的活动、干事业、探索自己的兴趣和克服障碍是快乐的秘诀。”
通过更加勤奋的工作变得更快乐？听起来像是很矛盾。我们大多数人所相信的正好相反……少做一点工作，我们会更快乐。但研究得出的结果不是这样的。找到真正快乐的钥匙是做你最擅长做的工作，做你打算做的工作。
记住这本书：《做你爱做的事，财源自然滚滚来：发现你正确的生计？》。它提出了一种思想，就是我们应该跟随我们心里所想的去谋生。把你的生命奉献给那些不能发挥你独特天赋的工作，只会产生不满和压力，而不是快乐。从事你最擅长的工作，努力地为之奉献自己，那么幸福就会是合理的结果。这并不是说少做一些你不喜欢做的，而是说要多做一些你爱做的。
做你不喜欢做的事也会阻碍创造性和妨碍你发挥作用。如果你对所做的事感到不快乐，那么你不可能想去分享你的工作，或者有精力去运用创造力。LYubomirsky博士这样描述快乐的人：更加有创造性，更加有帮助的，更加自信。
当我们有创造性地从事我们打算去做的工作时，自信心就会建立起来。那么我们会无私地与他人分享自己的工作。这种模式出现了：做你爱做的事，创造性、自信心和作用将随后而至。你将会更加快乐。
在我最近的DLM文章《通过给予而获得：怎样过优质的生活？》中，我把过优质的生活描述为分享你的独特之处：“善良、慷慨地分享你的观点和思想。诚实、正直、乐意。对你的天赋微笑并且乐观。给予从而让其他人可以获得。每天都这样做，在遇到每一件事的时候……用你独特的天赋来丰富他人的生活就是在过优质的生活……不论怎样，不管在任何地方这都可以得到证明。”
经历真正的快乐和过优质的生活是同义词，到达它们的步骤是一样的：做你自己；识别你独特的天赋；从事能发挥你的天赋和最大潜力的活动；与他人分享你的天赋；面对障碍，不要避开。
追求快乐是一种不可剥夺的权利。你想要快乐……做你爱做的而不是你讨厌做的事；用你的独特的天赋去丰富你的生活和他人的生活。当你这样做的时候，你会经历真正的快乐和它所有奇妙的益处。