Each week Michele Borba answers your parenting questions right here on her blog. If you have a parenting problem or question leave a comment on this post and you may have yours answered next week! Q. I have a 20-month-old boy and a 6-year-old dachshund. He will not leave her alone. I have tried everything from redirection to timeout, but he continuously tries to hit, poke, and throw things at her. No matter how many times he's corrected, he goes right back to it. I'm at a loss for how to keep peace between my boy and my dog. Some suggestions would be great.
-- Carrie A. You win on most original question I think I've ever had. I hope I'm the right person to send this to (dog trainer might be another bet). Other than fencing the dog and child apart, here are my two cents.
You've done everything right, Mom. (Spa day!). Using timeout for a 20-month old generally has no benefit. He's too young to understand "cause and effect." In a few months it will kick in and it may work but for now it's not helping.
Since you've tried so many options and have been so darn diligent, try focusing on the dog instead -- not your child. Really. Your son does have the beginning (way beginning) seeds of empathy. This age can recognize distress in a voice tone and on your face. So do this (every every time) and see what happens: The minute he pokes the dog, totally ignore your child and focus on the dog. Exaggerate your concern. "Oh... are you all right? Oh, do you hurt? Oh, I'm so sorry. Are you sad? What can I do to make you feel better?" Keep petting the dog (while ignoring your child). Keep talking about the hurt.
My bet is your son will come over and watch you. They are little copy cats at this age so use it to your advantage. Show all the ways to be concerned and show sympathy. The trick is to help your son realize that what he's doing "hurts"...and he can make things better. I'm also betting he will copy your behavior. Then reinforce the heck out of any little effort he makes to help the dog. You are reversing the behavior.
Let me know. Hope it works. It's a behavior trick for younger kids. And you're reframing the attention. The other way actually gives attention to your son - but in a negative way. That young age can't distinguish between the two and sometimes all the timeout and redirection is more of a game to them.
Meanwhile, please write this up in your baby book. Take photos. These are great moments to give to your son for a wedding present - at the rehearsal dinner. Save them. Meanwhile smile. It only gets better.
Hang in there!
Michele Borba Have a parenting question for Michele Borba? Leave a comment below and your question may be answered next week.
译文:
读者问答：如何处理孩子和宠物的关系
每周迈克尔宝莱都会在她的博克中对家长们育儿的问题作出回答。要是你有这个方面的问题，那么就在这里留下你的问题，也许下周宝莱就会来回答你的问题。
我有个20个月大的儿子和一头6岁大的德国种猎犬。我的儿子绝对不会让我的小狗狗好好地独自呆会儿。对此我已经做了不知道多少尝试，从反复向他解释到对他的行为叫停，但是他还是会不断地骚扰“她”，不是碰碰她，就是摸摸她，要么就是朝她扔东西。即便他改正过好几次了，但很快又旧习重演。我到底该怎么让我的儿子和我的狗和平共处？对此我很迷茫。要是您能给我点儿建议，我将不甚感激。——凯丽
回答：
你影响了最初我曾经有过的一些疑问。我希望我可以帮你解决这个问题（也许一个训狗师是另一个赌注）。除了把狗狗和孩子分隔开来，我有2个建议。
你的做法的确很对。跟一个20个月大的孩子说“不许动”可没什么多大好处。他还太小，根本不动什么因果关系。几个月之后，也许这会起点作用，但现在至少它是毫无用处的。
既然你已经尝试了那么多种方法，而且一直都那么努力，那么何不尝试从你的狗身上下手，而不是只专注于你的儿子呢？我不是开玩笑的。你的孩子正在开始学会“移情”。这个年龄的孩子已经能够通过你的语调和面部表情来判断你是不是不开心了。所以你可以这么做（要一直这么做），然后看看他是什么反映：每当你的孩子去摸你的狗时，完全别把你儿子当回事儿，反而把注意力全转移到狗的身上去。记得把这种关注表现得夸张一点。“噢，我的小乖乖，你还好吧？你有没有碰痛啊？哦哟，真是对不起。是不是很难过啊？我要怎么做你才会感觉好点儿呢？”就这样一直爱抚你的小狗（与此同时“忽视”你的儿子)。记得要反复提及你很为小狗心痛。
我敢打赌你的儿子会转移注意盯着你看。这个年龄段的他们就像爱模仿的小猫，那么你就好好利用这一点吧。一直做给他看如何引得关注，如何表达同情之心。其中的技巧就是让你的儿子意识到他在做”伤害他人的事情”，不过他可以让事态好转。我也敢打保票，他肯定会模仿你的举止。然后对于他尽力去帮助小狗的行为，哪怕是一点点的努力都要予以支持和鼓励。你正在纠正他的行为举止。
和我保持联系。希望我的建议能起作用。这对你的小小孩儿来说是个“小把戏”。而你呢，就在重新制造他关注的焦点。虽然是一种负面的方法，但另一种方法的确让你的儿子有了可以关注的东西。这么小年龄的孩子根本无法分辨事物，对他们来说所有的“不许动”以及你的反复解释对他们来说更像是一种游戏。
还有，请把这些写到你的宝宝日记中去吧。别忘了拍些照片。对你的孩子来说，有关这些时刻的记忆是婚礼排演晚餐上最好的礼物。一定要保存这些时刻。还有记得要保持微笑。事情总会好的嘛！
好了，问题就回答到这里了！——迈克尔宝莱
有问题想问迈克尔宝莱？那么就在下面作些回复并且留下你的问题吧，也许下周宝莱回答的就是你的问题哦。