Brian Greenberg is a college financial planner, but on a recent morning he felt more like a marriage counselor. The couple sitting in his office, near Cherry Hill, New Jersey, was seeking advice about applying for financial aid for the man's son from a previous marriage. "When they walked in," Greenberg recalls, "I could feel the hostility."
The income from the wife's business, which she had started before they married, was modest, but it was just enough to limit the amount of aid the son could receive. The husband wanted her to incorporate to reduce their income, thereby allowing the son to qualify for more aid. She didn't want to go through the complicated incorporation process, but felt pressured by her husband. "He was saying, 'I'm entitled to do what I want because I'm making the money that pays the bills,'" recalls Greenberg. "That kind of thinking undermines a relationship."
Much of this type of animosity can be avoided if only couples would talk about money
before they get married, says Mary Claire Allvine, a certified financial planner in Chicago and Atlanta and co-author of
The 7 Most Important Money Decisions You'll Ever Make. Without this talk, it's unlikely that couples have an actual plan for their lives together.
Studies have shown that disagreements over money are the No. 1 cause of friction in a marriage. And for some, they're the No. 1 reason for divorce.
So why can some couples weather financial ups and downs while others split over a household budget? The key to success is to find the common ground -- the shared values about how, as partners, you want to live your lives together. Here are some tips for executing a money plan without losing the passion.
Think big and put it in buckets. After couples have paid their fixed expenses, they often find themselves disagreeing over how to spend what's left -- pay off the credit cards or get that HDTV one of them has been craving.
To avoid such clashes, talk about your dreams. Allvine's research says couples who don't get bogged down with day-to-day budgeting details are usually the most successful with their money. "You can't say to the spender, 'Okay, you can only spend $50 a month.' It's like putting people on a diet where they can last for a while but then they just binge and eat a loaf of bread. The spender will say, 'I'll cut back.' And then they start cutting out the extra cup of coffee. But it's rarely the coffee that puts them in debt. It's the home they can't afford or the car they shouldn't be driving."
Allvine recommends sorting your big dreams -- starting a business, owning a home, saving for a vacation -- into categories, or buckets. "When you name the bucket, you know what that money is for, and you won't use it for anything else. That's how couples get to their goals -- they pay themselves first for the big things."
Everyone needs the prenup talk. As today's couples marry later, or remarry, they face big challenges combining resources. One spouse may bring children from a previous marriage; another might be caring for elderly parents. The new-think says, rich or not, you may need a prenuptial agreement. "It makes sense to think things through early on," says Mellody Hobson, president of Ariel Capital Management in Chicago.
But Carrie Schwab-Pomerantz, co-author, with her father, Charles Schwab, of
It Pays to Talk, has a different take: "Not everyone needs to sign a prenup document -- but everyone should have the prenup conversation."
The point, says Schwab-Pomerantz, is to get an idea of each other's money personality. "If someone has a lot of debt, that can reflect some personality issues that his or her partner needs to know about. How you deal with money is a reflection of who you are as a person."
Put your goals on paper. "When a couple can agree on their spending," says nationally syndicated radio talk-show host Dave Ramsey, "then they have agreed on their fears, and their goals. We don't really fight about money. We are fighting about priorities, fears and power. A plan on paper brings a level of promise and cooperation and unity."
Ramsey also recommends scheduling regular money meetings to talk about expenses. "It's all about being open and on the same page. There are no secret credit cards, no secret debt, no secret student loans. No deception. It's a matter of understanding what the expenses are. How much do we have to spend on birthdays? What about the groceries and cable bills, the soccer expenses? Life starts to show up in a real way when you talk about it in a meeting and put it on paper."
Take a hike. How and where you discuss your finances is critical to keeping the peace, says Schwab-Pomerantz. "You want to make sure both parties are in a comfortable, neutral place. It's also important to know ahead of time what you're going to talk about."
Schwab-Pomerantz and her husband hike every weekend in the mountains near their home in the San Francisco Bay area. "We're away from our kids. We're not sitting there facing each other, which can become confrontational. We can't get mad and walk to another room. It's just the two of us, and we get a lot of conversation in there about our goals and our priorities in life."
Get it together. Financial independence is empowering, but many counselors say that living separate financial lives imperils a marriage. "Having his and her money is a recipe for disaster," advises Greenberg. "That says one person is taking care only of herself or himself."
The joint account sends a powerful message that your marriage matters. The account should be for joint goals: building a reserve fund, saving for college. A shared account, however, shouldn't cancel out individual accounts.
Managing your money together may not seem like a romantic venture, says Greenberg. "But if there is a good financial foundation, there are a lot fewer issues for strife."
As for the couple seeking financial-aid advice from Greenberg, they left his office, smiling, after he proposed a novel solution. The path to financial happiness is clear: communicate and plan together.
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译文:
结婚了，钱怎么办？【读者文摘】---nemonini版
Brian Greenberg 是一位大学财务策划人，但是最近的一个清晨，他感觉自己更像是婚姻咨询师。有一对夫妇坐在他靠近新泽西州樱桃山的办公室里，寻求关于为丈夫上一次婚姻的所生儿子申请财务援助的建议。“当他们走进来时，”Greenberg 回忆说，“我能感觉到他们的敌意。”
妻子在他们结婚前开始经营自己的生意，但这个生意带来的收入不多，仅够为儿子提供有限的帮助。丈夫希望妻子可以配合他来减少他们的收入，这样儿子就可以达到获取更多财务援助的标准。她不想参与这个复杂的配合过程，但是又感受到了来自丈夫的压力。“他说，‘我有权按照我的想法来做，因为是我在赚钱付帐单。’”Greenberg 回忆道。“这样的想法会摧毁一段关系。”
只要夫妻双方在结婚之前讨论一下钱的问题，很多这类型的摩擦都可以避免，Mary Claire Allvine 说，她是芝加哥和亚特兰大通过认证的财务策划人，并且是《你做的7个最重要的财务决定》的作者之一。如果没有这个讨论，看起来夫妇们对他们的共同生活就没有切实的计划。
研究表明在金钱上的不合是导致婚姻冲突的首要原因。而对于某些人来说，它们也是导致离婚的首要原因。
所以为什么有些夫妻可以经受经济上的起伏变化而有些夫妻却因为家庭预算而决裂？成功的关键就是找到共同的立场-关于作为夫妻，你们想要如何一起生活的共同价值观。这里有一些在保持冷静的情况下执行理财计划的小建议。
考虑用钱的大方向并将其分门别类。在支付了他们固定的开销之后，夫妻经常会发现他们对于如何来花剩下的钱持有不同意见-还清信用卡账单还是购买他们渴望已久的高清电视。
为了避免这样的冲突，请讨论一下你们的梦想。Allvine 的调查表明在日常开销的详细预算中不会陷入困境的夫妻通常在处理他们的钱方面都非常成功。“你不能对那些挥金如土的人说这些，‘好，你可以一个月只花 $50，’就像有些人节食一样，他们可以坚持一段时间，不过他们根本不用节制并且只吃一条面包。挥金如土的人会说，‘我要削减开支。’然后他们会减掉多余的一杯咖啡的开支。但是他们几乎不可能因为一杯咖啡而陷入债务危机。让他们陷入债务危机的通常是无法负担的家庭开支或不应该开的名车。”
Allvine 建议对实现较大梦想的开支进行分门别类，如开始创业、拥有一个家、为渡假存钱。“在为这些类别命名时，你就知道这些钱是用来干什么的，你就不会用它来做其他的事情。这就是夫妻们达到目标的方式-他们首先为最大的梦想买单。”
每个人都需要婚前谈话。由于现在的夫妻都晚婚或再婚，所以他们面临资源整合的巨大挑战。配偶中的一方可能带来上一次婚姻所生的孩子，而另一方可能负担着年迈的父母。有一种较新的想法认为，不管是否富裕，你可能都需要婚前协议。“所有事情都早作打算是有意义的，”芝加哥 Ariel 资产管理公司的总裁，Mellody Hobson 说。
但是《谈一谈是值得的》的作者 Carrie Schwab-Pomerantz 和她的父亲 Charles Schwab 却有不同的见解：“不是每个人都需要签婚前协议，但是每个人都应该有婚前谈话。”
Schwab-Pomerantz 说，重点是要了解对方的理财个性。“如果一个人有很多债务，这就可以反映出一些他或她的伴侣必须了解的个性问题。处理钱的方式可以反映出你是个怎样的人。”
列出你的目标。“当夫妻无法就他们的花费达成一致时，”全国性的广播脱口秀主持人 Dave Ramsey 说，“他们也无法就他们的忧虑和目标达成一致。我们不会真正为了钱而吵架。我们是为了优先级、担忧和权力而争吵。写在纸上的计划表示一定程度的承诺、协作和统一。”
Ramsey 还建议安排财务例会来讨论开支。“这都是为了保持开放的态度并达成一致意见。没有秘密的信用卡、秘密债务、秘密的助学贷款。没有欺骗。只是为了了解开支都有哪些。我们应该为生日花费多少？杂物开支、有线电视账单和足球开支又有多少？当你们在会上讨论这些问题并将它记在纸上时，生活就以真实的方式显现出来。”
去远足。讨论财务问题的方式和地点也是保持和睦的关键，Schwab-Pomerantz 说。“你要确定双方都在舒适、中立的环境中。在讨论前了解将要讨论的内容也非常重要。”
Schwab-Pomerantz 和丈夫每个周末都在旧金山湾区的家附近的山上远足。“我们远离孩子。我们没有坐下来面对面，那样感觉像对质。我们不会愤怒并走到另一个房间。这里只有我们俩，我们会聊很多，关于我们生活中的目标和优先级。”
财务联合。我们有财政独立的能力，但是很多法律顾问说财政独立的生活会给婚姻带来威胁。“有他或她自己的钱是灾难的秘诀，”Greenberg 建议说。“这表示一个人只在乎他或她自己。”
联合账户发送出关系到婚姻的有力信息。这个账户应该被用于共同的目标：建立准备金、为大学存款。有共享的账户，但是不应该取消个人账户。
共同管理你们的钱看起来并不像浪漫的冒险，Greenberg 说。“但是如果有很好的财务基础，会产生冲突的问题就会少很多。”
至于这对向 Greenberg 寻求财务援助建议的夫妇，他们在他提出了一个新颖的解决方案之后微笑着离开了他的办公室。通往快乐理财的道路非常清楚：沟通和共同计划。
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