Kids often get caught in the middle of a divorce and feel as if they might have done something to cause such a drastic measure. Usually that is not the case.
It seems that almost every person has or knows someone who has gone through a divorce. It is one thing when a couple splits, but when kids are involved it can become a sticky situation. Tweens coping with divorce often have feelings of guilt associated with their parents splitting up. Here are some tactful ways to help your child understand that divorce is not his fault.
Communication and Honesty
By the age of 9 to 12 years, most kids can have a general understanding of why parents divorce. You should always be honest with your child about why you and your spouse are splitting up. Otherwise, your tween might conjure up thoughts that he might have done something wrong. Take that worry away as soon as possible. There is enough strife going on in a family when a divorce is evident, and feelings of guilt should not be one of them, when it comes to the child involved.
Sacrificing Relationships
Some divorced couples can stay friends. That is not the case in every situation, so there may be times that you should try your best to tolerate situations that may help your child feel more secure. For instance, if your child is in a school play or has a football game, it may be easier for him to concentrate on his efforts knowing that you and your spouse can sit together and cheer him on. This can be quite a sacrifice, but may make it easier for your child to cope.
Visitation
Often times a child will be split between two homes after a divorce. This can be nerve-racking for either parent to wonder what their child is doing out of their presence. This seems to be especially true for the mother, who has her natural maternal instincts. In time, this should become easier. There is a big adjustment when a child has to become familiar with two family styles and two sets of rules. Of course, the ideal situation would be for both parents to keep similar rules that a child is already used to, but this does not happen most of the time.
What is the Tween's Responsibility?
Here is a quick list of things that you can expect from your child after a divorce, as well as a list of things that you should not put upon your child.
Do
Expect your child to help out at home a little more with chores.
Expect your tween to keep his routine of doing homework.
Expect your child to play and make friends.
Don't
Ask your tween to a messenger between you and your spouse.
Expect your child to help you make financial decisions.
Think that your tween needs to worry about adult problems.
译文:
面对离异，父母感情不和，会发生什么?
我们经常认为子女是父母离婚的绊脚石，似乎感觉是他们引起了一场更激烈的家庭战争，事实上，并非如此。
当我们大家都知道某人经历离婚时，对于父母分开相对来说是一件好事，但是涉及到孩子的利益，离异就变成了一种严峻的形势，当他们想到他们父母要分开时，就觉得很内疚，下面给大家介绍几种有效的方法，让你们的孩子明白离婚不是他们的责任。
交流和坦白
当我们孩子9-12岁的时候，大部分会理解父母为什么离婚，你必须向你的孩子坦白你为什么和你的配偶离婚，然而你的孩子有可能产生他们做错了什么的想法，尽快让他们消除这个顾虑，当离婚很明显时，这个家庭到处充满了烟火，即使涉及到孩子的问题时，也不要让他们产生内疚感。
牺牲精神
一些父母离婚后仍然可以是好朋友，但并不是每个场合都是如此，所以你必须尽努力来忍受这种情况，让你的孩子觉得更有安全感。例如，当你的孩子参加或观看足球赛时，当他知道你和你的配偶坐在一起时并为他欢呼，他更容易集中精力来比赛，这就需要你做出牺牲，但是这样更有利于孩子的成长。
探视
当离婚后，孩子时常夹在两个家庭的中间，作为家长，他们非常担心当他们不在时，他们的孩子在做什么，这种情况母亲尤为明显，她们生来就有母爱的本性，及时调整，这个会变得容易，当孩子熟悉了两方家庭的生活方式和规则时，这就需要调整，当然理想的方式就是双方父母保持着孩子习以为常的准则，但是这大多数不会这样。
孩子的责任
这是一份离婚后你希望你的孩子怎样做的清单，和一份不该做的事情。
什么该做
希望你的孩子在家做更多的家务事
希望你的孩子按照惯例写作业
希望你的孩子和朋友玩，结交更多的朋友
什么不该做
不要叫你的孩子发信息在你和你的配偶面前
不要希望你的孩子为你做理财决定
不要认为你的孩子担心成人问题