I was raised a Christian since birth. As a Christian I accepted death. I was sure that once I died I would go to Heaven and spend the rest of eternity in paradise. Death was not something to fear, it was sort of akin to changing your clothes. Once my earthly "clothes" were worn out, I would go to Heaven, where I could enjoy my heavenly "clothes". Being a human being on earth was akin to having shorts and a t-shirt on, whereas being in heaven was akin to having an extremely nice tux on. I was living with total security pertaining to the world beyond this one. Then I became an atheist.
During the time that I transitioned from Christianity to atheism I wrestled with many questions. Christianity told me that there is a God watching over us and that there will be a Heaven after we die and many other nice things. When looking at atheism in comparison the belief system was more like there is no God so you are on your own in this world in that sense and when we die we are buried in the ground where we rot and our bodies are eaten by worms and shit out as little specs of dust. The Christian views are much more optimistic, but I chose to go with the atheist views largely for one main reason: they are true. I could believe that there was a God and that we went somewhere when we died, but then I would just be lying to myself to feel better. Instead I chose to accept the world as it was, with its harshness and everything.
As an atheist I had to find new answers to questions such as "why are we here?" and "what happens when we die?", among others. The latter question I struggled with up until earlier this week. My reasoning told me that the most likely thing that happens when we die is that we simply cease to exist. Thats it, game over. I didn't like that, but it was the truth and there was no use hiding from it. My beliefs about life after death have not changed. When we die, thats it, its game over, there is no after life, there is no reincarnation, there is nothing after we die. We simply cease to exist. However the other day I had an epiphany that made this truth acceptable.
Recently I have been studying more extensively eastern religions such as Hinduism, Jainism, and Buddhism. I've been amazed at how different the philosophy of these religions are from the western religions that I was raised around. Many of these religions have no god and/or do not have any eternal life, making them somewhat more atheistic. All of the eastern religions I mentioned believe in reincarnation. Once you die you are reborn. What you are reborn as depends on the level of karma (the difference of your good and bad deeds) you have. However the cycle of birth, life, death, and rebirth (known as samsara in Hinduism and Buddhism), is not forever. Another major concept in all of these religions, especially Buddhism, is that as long as one is alive, one will suffer. One wont be suffering 24/7, but with life suffering will inevitably come. Many eastern religions maintain that the suffering we endure in life is due to our attachment to the material world. When our dog dies, we are saddened because we were attached to the dog. If we become homeless we suffer because we were attached to having a home. If we abandon attachment then we circumvent suffering. Instead of suffering when our dog dies, we say "that dog was a good dog and I had many good times with him, but he is gone now and I cannot change that so I must accept it". With that mindset our suffering is minimized.
When we can be unattached to this world we are considered to be enlightened by eastern philosophy. Once we are enlightened the cycle of samsara ends and we are liberated from it. From the perspective of western religions, this is when you would think that one goes to Heaven, but it is not so. At that point your life truly ends. You simply cease to exist. That is exactly what my view of death is without any reincarnation. I learned this and my first reaction was "why would I want to achieve enlightenment then?". At first glance, by achieving enlightenment you would just commit ultimate suicide. However I then thought back to the idea of suffering being inherent in life and realized that final death is a liberation from the suffering brought on by life. Now this is all fine and dandy, except for the fact that you also can no longer experience the joys brought on by life. I am a man who lives in extremes. I do not do things conservatively, I allow myself to feel the greatest joys I can in life and at the same time allow myself to feel the greatest pains. Dying to avoid suffering is not a good reason to die in my book, because I can handle true suffering if it means I can experience true joy.
I continued to read about Hinduism and Buddhism when I stumbled upon a lesser known religion called Jainism. Jains do not believe in any god, but they do have the same ideas of karma and reincarnation as Hinduism and Buddhism. Jains seek to detach themselves from the material world, the same as Hindus and Buddhists. In my reading about Jainism, however, I discovered a startling difference between Jains and other religions. Jains commit suicide. That being said, not all Jains commit suicide, in fact the hugely vast majority do not. Suicide is considered to be something one that is enlightened can choose to do when they are totally unattached to this world, have no regrets, and have amassed all of the good karma they could possibly need. At this point there is no more that they must do in life and can die without any attachment to this world, continuing their life is just more opportunity to feel suffering. They then cease eating. They live for about a month meditating and only drinking until they die. The giving up of eating shows that they are so unattached to this world that they can choose to give up food. They die on their own terms at the time they desire without any regrets or attachment to this world.
Before I read about this I had never heard of a glorious death. However, in my mind, this classifies as a glorious death. After I read about this Jainist suicide, I realized how good it sounds. You get to die on your own terms, when you are ready. By the time you die you have no more attachment to this world and can leave without regret. You escape the bondage of life forever. I noticed how one of my main fears about death was not the idea of ceasing to exist, but instead leaving things undone or not being ready to go. I also noticed that in life I have felt held down by simply being a living, breathing being. This feeling is hard, if not impossible, to describe, but it is somewhat like you are noticing your limitations as a human being and how vast they are. The only escape from these limitations and human suffering is death. With this logic, death is the most liberating experience you can have, when you are ready for it. The bondage of being a living being no longer applies to you and the suffering that you experience as a human being can no longer happen. As for the joy that you would miss out on, that pertains to how dying on your own terms applied to me. If you die on your own terms you can have already experienced all of the joys that you want and need to experience until you are satisfied that you have experienced the joys of this world in their full spectrum and splendor. I have come to conclude that dying is completely superior to any kind of eternal life or immortality. After all, if you have eternal life, you have that eternal suffering and bondage, whether you go to a Heaven or a Hell.
译文:
接受死亡
我一出生就受着基督教式的教育。身为基督教徒，面对死亡，我向来坦然。我深信不已，死后我会进入天堂，并在天国里度过我余下的来生。死亡其实并不可怕，它其实有点类似于换件衣裳。当我的世俗“外衣”变得破旧不堪时，我就会进入天堂，开始享受我的天堂之衣。在尘世间做个普通人，就如身穿短裤汗衫，而身在天堂，正似身着豪华高档的燕尾服。我生活在与另一个世界休戚相关的绝对安全感之中。但后来，我成了无神论者。
当我从一个基督教徒转变为一个无神论者时，许多疑问盘旋在我心头。基督教教导我身在天堂注视着众生，人死后会进入天堂，还有很多其他的好事等着我们。相对而言，无神论的信仰体系则更像是，世上没有救世主，因此，人生在世，只能靠自己才行。我们死后，被黄土掩埋,之后，躯体腐烂，被蠕虫啃噬，随后像尘土一样灰飞烟灭。基督教所持的观点则要乐观得多，而我却选择支持无神论的观点，很大程度上是基于以下理由：它们是千真万确的真理。我可以选择相信神的存在，我们死后会前往另一个截然不同的世界。但我明白，这些只不过是自欺欺人的谎话而已。相反，我选择接受世界的本真面目，包括世间的严酷和所有的一切。
作为无神论者，我不得不找到新的答案来回答一些问题，比如“为什么我们会在这里？”“我们死后会发生什么？”直到这周的前几天，我还在与后一个问题作着思想上的搏斗。理智告诉我，死后不会发生什么，只是我们不再存在。也就是说，游戏结束。我不喜欢那样，但这是事实，躲躲闪闪于事无补。对于死后的人生，我的信仰并未改变。我们死后游戏结束，没有来生，没有转世轮回，我们死后，一切就都结束了。我们只是不再存在。然而，前几天我心头的一个想法却让这个事实变得不那么难以接受了。
最近，我广泛研究东方宗教，如，印度教，日本的耆那教，和中国的佛教。对于这些宗教哲学与我从小耳濡目染的西方宗教是如此的不同，我深感诧异。这些宗教中，大多都没有神或永生之说，使它们显得更倾向于无神论。我所提到的宗教信仰轮回转世。一个人死后就会重新投胎回到人间。你会投胎成为何物取决于你所犯下的因果报应程度（你的善行和恶为的不同）。而从出生，过日子，死亡，再到重生（即我们所知的印度教和佛教中的轮回）并非永恒持续的。在所有这些宗教中，特别在佛教中有另一个重要理念，那就是，人生在世就是来受苦的。人习惯了日夜不停地受苦，而生命中苦难还是会不可避免地接踵而来。许多东方宗教坚持，人生在世，所受的折磨来源于我们对物质世界的依赖。当我们的狗死了，我们很伤心因为我们依恋爱犬。如果我们变得无家可归，流离失所，我们很痛苦，因为我们留恋拥有一个家。如果放下这些眷恋，我们就能避开痛苦。党爱犬离去时，我们会说，“那是只好狗，和它在一起，我度过了许多美好时光，但它现在死了，我无力改变现状，所以我得面对现实。”拥有那种心态，我们的痛苦将减到最少。
当对这个世界不再留恋，表示我们得到了东方哲理的启发。一旦受到“轮回转世”的启发，我们就得以解脱了。从西方宗教的角度来看，你坚信人会进入天堂，而事实并非如此。从这一点来说，你的生命真的结束了。你不再存在于世。依我看来，死了就是死了，并没有什么投胎转世。当我意识到这些时，我的第一反应是：“为什么我想被教化？”乍一看，被教化后你就承诺了终极自杀。然而，我回想关于人生内在苦难的观点，意识到最后的死亡是从人生所带来的苦难中解脱出来。现在一切安好，除了你无法再享受人生所带来的欢愉。我是个走极端的人。我做事不会有所保留，我允许自己最大程度地享受生命中的欢乐和痛苦。以我所见，渴望逃避痛苦，并不是死亡的最好理由。因为如果我能进尽情享受欢乐，我也可以承受极度的痛苦。
我继续研读印度教和佛教当我偶然发现了一种不太知名的宗教，耆那教。耆那教不相信任何神的存在，但他们也和印度教和佛教一样信奉因果报应和轮回转世。耆那教徒试图从物质世界中超脱出来，这和印度教，佛教是相契合的。然而，在我阅读关于耆那教的资料时，我发现了耆那教与其他教派大相径庭的一个地方。教徒有自杀行为。据说，并不是所有的耆那教徒都会自杀，事实上大多人都不会这么做。自杀被视为被教化的教徒可选择做的一件事，如果你在世间再无留恋，没有遗憾，并已积累了所有他们可能拥有的好缘分。基于这一点，他们在世间没有其他需要完成的事了，也就能够了无牵挂地死去，活下去，只会感到更多的痛苦。然后，他们绝食，冥想一个月，只喝些水，直至死亡。绝食表明他们看破红尘，以至于选择放弃进食。他们为了自己而死，此时，他们渴望自己再也没有遗憾和依恋留在世间。
读到这些之前，我从不知道有光荣的死亡。而我在心里把这个归类为光荣的死亡。在读到耆那教徒的自杀后，我突然发现这听起来是很美妙的。当你做好了准备，就为了自己而死。那时，你了无牵挂地死去，不留下任何遗憾。永远逃离了生命的束缚。我意识到了，对于死亡的主要恐惧并非不再存在与世，而是还有心愿没有了结或是还未准备好就此撒手人寰。同时我也意识到，在生命中，我曾因为我只是个活生生的，有血有肉的人而感到压抑。这种感受很痛苦，无以言表，但多少就像你注意到作为人类的局限性和它们之大。要逃避这些局限和痛苦，我们惟有离开人世。依这一逻辑，如果你已准备好，那么死亡对你来说是最能得到解脱的经历。作为人类的束缚不再限制你，而在人间所受的疾苦也不再在你身上发生。说到你会错失的快乐，对我而言，那要看你多么渴望依自己的意愿而死。如果你以自己的心愿而死，说明你已享尽所需的荣华富贵，直到你已感到最大程度的满足。总而言之，死亡绝对高于任何一种永生或不朽。毕竟，如果你拥有永生，你就有了无尽的痛苦和束缚，无论你升入天堂还是沦入地狱。