Do you long for the days when your child was a baby or a young toddler wanting constant cuddles and kisses from you. What you have now is a teenager, hell bent on gaining some freedom and control in the household. Your teenager is probably testing your boundaries and rules by constantly breaking them. This is not unusual but what is the best way to deal with teenagers that are testing not only the boundaries but your patience as well.
It does not matter if your child went through a divorce or not, children will test any adult they are in contact with at some point, whether it be at home or at school or even just out on the streets. To get through these testing times you will need an abundance of patience and commitment, but most of all do not give up on your child. Make sure your child knows that they are loved and cared for and all should come good in the end.
Getting involved in power struggles with your child will end up with tears from someone or maybe both of you. Set the rules and give the child clear consequences for breaking these said rules. Make sure you tell them you will not tolerate behaviour such as this and stick to your consequences. If the child knows they can get away with it, they will continue to do so time and time again. Teenagers sometimes feel stuck in the middle, they are at a difficult stage in life and they need constant reassurance and love and do not always get it. They are looking for power and control over you, but you must not let them. you can give them responsibilities and things to focus their minds on instead. Give them jobs that you will pay them for at the end of them. Let them take the dog out or their siblings out for a few hours alone. If they complete the said tasks, praise, praise, praise.
This will reaffirm their place in the household and they will feel useful rather than useless. This is how most teenagers feel at the end of the day and they need your security and love.
If you think you are the only parents with a seemingly troubled teen, you are not. This is just behaviour teenagers must go through to establish where they fit in and what they can and cannot do. The teenagers will always test the boundaries and the rules you have set for them as this is their way of seeing actually how far they can go without getting punished for misbehaving.
It can be stressful for all concerned, but stick to your guns when dealing with your teenager, think of them as over grown toddlers! Do not give in when they are wanting something they cannot have and have clear and set consequences for if they misbehave. The teenagers are more than likely to old for the naughty step so take a privileges away from them, like going to the shops alone or going out with friends. They will hopefully soon learn that misbehaving will gain nothing but the things they hold dear being taken away from them.
译文:
往麻烦发展的青少年：扭转他们的方向
你还向往那种你的孩子还是一个婴儿或者蹒跚学步的时候那样不停地要求你的怀抱与爱抚吗，可是你现在拥有的是一个青少年了，想方设法地想从家庭获得一些自由和权利。你的孩子可能会一直不停地通过违规来试探你的底线和规矩，这是很正常的现象，但是怎么样来处理这种不仅是试探你的底线更是试探你的耐心的举动呢？
孩子是否经历过父母的离异并不是很重要，他们会试探所有跟他们有接触的大人，在家，在学校甚至在大街上。要顺利通过孩子们这样的试探，你必须具备充分的耐心和责任感。但我们中大部分人都不会给孩子让步。我们做的要确保人孩子知道他们是被爱着的，而且前途是美好的。
与孩子做斗争最后会以一方甚或双方的泪眼而告终。制订规矩并让孩子知道如果他破坏这个规矩的话会得到什么样的惩罚才能成为规矩。你一定要告诉孩子这个行为是你无法忍受的而且你一定要坚守你的惩罚措施。如果孩子知道他们能够摆脱规矩，他们会一次次地重犯。孩子会感到很困惑在这个阶段，这是他们生命中比较痛苦地一段时光，他们需要不停地给予信心和爱，但是经常会得不到。他们会经常从你身上寻找能量和权利，你千万不要给予，相反你可以给他们义务和可以集中他们注意力的事情；分配他们任务，结束后可以有一定的报酬；可以给他们一段时间跟他的宠物啊朋友们独处。如果他们完成了分配的任务，你要表扬，一定要表扬。
这样会让他们觉得他们在家里是有地位的，他们是有用的而不是没用的废物。这就是大多数青少年一天中的感受，他们需要的是你给予的安全感和爱。
如果你觉得你是唯一拥有一个看起来很麻烦的孩子的话，那你就错了。这正是青少年必须经历的一个构建价值观的过程，让他们知道什么该做什么不该做的过程。他们会经常试探你给他们设置的底线和规矩，因为这是他们实际明白到什么样的尺度他们可以不因为错误而受惩罚的一个途径。
想起来会觉得很累，但你必须坚持，就把他们当作长大了的幼儿吧。当他们一直要求他们得不到的东西的时候你不要妥协，如果他们犯错了就一定给予明确的惩罚措施。孩子可能会更向往长大，可以享受成年人身上享有淘气的特权，比如喜欢一个人逛街或跟朋友一起出门。希望很快让他们知道错误会让他们什么也得不到，而他拥有的珍贵的东西也会被剥夺。