原文: Top 10 Most Annoying Sidekicks in Movies

Every now and then, certain movie characters (and the actors that played them) come along and capture the heart and imagination of millions of viewers worldwide. Mark Hamill as Luke Skywalker; Sylvester Stallone as Rocky Balboa; Mel Gibson as William Wallace, along with many others, have changed everything we think about movie characters. These characters have been emotionally imprinted upon the Hollywood landscape, inspiring thousands of writers, directors, and actors to contribute to the entertainment industry with excitement, passion, and vigor. This list, however, has nothing to do with such impactful characters.

This list is about the characters that we all hate. Characters that bring nothing more than noise and distraction to the movie screen. Characters that try their best to drown out the performances of the other actors on screen, selfishly upstaging the film with their annoying banter and garrulous eccentricities. Characters that, when they appear on the screen, make you want to stuff Sour Patch Kids into your eyes and ears.

Just a side note: These are mostly sidekicks from action/adventure movies, with a couple of exceptions. I could easily make a list of 100 annoying characters from comedies or dramas, but comedy is usually something of a subjective market. So I decided to pick annoying sidekicks from seemingly serious and epic movies, because they just drain the life right out of the scene when they appear. Enjoy.

I included Bubba on this list for only a couple of reasons. I recognize that Bubba from Forrest Gump is a pretty popular character from a very popular movie. But I feel that his speech impediment, his uninspiring speeches, and his lead in the endless “shrimp” scene, warranted his inclusion in a list of annoying movie characters. Most of the scenes involving Bubba are usually dominated by Tom Hanks’ Forrest Gump character anyway, leaving the viewer wondering why we really needed another slow, confused, southerner with a speech impediment.

Another very popular character and a wonderful sidekick to Han Solo, but I decided to include him on the list simply because of the noise. Noise, noise, noise. Every scene involving Chewbacca is like trying to watch a movie that has been put through a wood chipper. Most of the Star Wars series is shot with great sound quality, due to Lucas’ genius work starting up the THX franchise. But even in quiet scenes aboard the Millennium Falcon while the cast is deep in hyperspace, Chewie’s “Nyraghgg nyaghhh nanyyyyyy” slices into the audio with reckless abandon, clogging up an otherwise peaceful scene.

No matter what you think about the Lord of the Rings franchise, you can’t argue that most scenes involving Gollum require a certain amount of intestinal fortitude. He is ugly. He is repulsive. He repeats the same phrases over and over again. He eats raw fish. Most scenes that involve Gollum make you wish you were back in the Shire.

Of all the characters on this list, Jeff Goldblum’s portrayal of pseudo-sidekick David Levinson in Independence Day is the least obvious. In a way, Levinson is sort of a sneaky annoyance. While Will Smith is busy fighting aliens and saving the world from annihilation, Levinson is trying to figure out how to get back together with his wife. While Bill Pulman is busy organizing the countries of the world, uniting them in liberty and leadership, Levinson is worrying about science and trying to deal with his grumpy ole dad. Then by the end somehow he finds himself on a secret mission to blow up the mothership, and as they are flying through space, I swear you can see a look on his face that says “Did I leave the oven on?” Plus, his “drunk” scene is absolutely not believable. He downs a liter of Vodka in a fit of depression one minute, then in the next minute he is discussing physics with the U.S. Department of Defense. Please, just get off the screen and let Will Smith kick some ass.

The only thing more annoying than Stifler himself is an impersonation of Stifler, which is something that occurred in frat houses nationwide soon after American Pie was released. I am not trying to say that American Pie is a good movie (trust me, it isn’t), but did we really need a cocky mama’s boy to fluff up the scenes and make them even funnier? I actually enjoyed most scenes that involve Eugene Levy, but then inevitably Stifler would appear and force me to remember that I was watching a terrible teenage comedy about sex. Not really a sidekick, but annoying nonetheless.

This duo takes a position in this list because they simply bring nothing to the table and serve as a good reminder that big movie studios think you (the audience) are stupid. What’s not to like about two goofy pirates, especially when one of them keeps losing an eyeball? Everything. They are not funny and they always interrupt any scene involving Johnny Depp, who brings enough comedy to this adventure movie.

Any movie tends to lose a little bit of watch-ability when there is one single character who does nothing but scream the entire movie. Yes, the entire movie. She is screaming, complaining, whining, crying, and yelling for the whole flippin’ movie, and the whole time she thinks that she is a beautiful singer and the object of Indiana’s affection. Most scenes involving Willie Scott and Indiana Jones are somewhat uncomfortable, because you are just waiting for her to start screaming again. She is a horrible sidekick too, because she simply has no interest in participating in the adventure. I have seen this movie several times and I have yet to figure out why she is even there.

If you’ve seen this movie, you know exactly why he (or she?) is on this list. This androgynous brand of annoyance brings new meaning to the term; loud voice, whiny tone, horrible costume, persistent commentary, and amazing ability to make everyone in the audience wish they had stayed at home. A complete distraction in what is at least a decent movie. The only other person capable of truly bringing this character to life would have been Gilbert Gottfried, but I think Chris Tucker did a pretty good job.

Any character that can actually make me wish to see MORE of Nicholas Cage deserves to be included in a list of annoying movie sidekicks. Enter Riley Poole, fledgling sidekick to Nicholas Cage’s character Ben Gates. The worst part about Mr. Poole? The lines. Yes, yes, I know, it’s a Disney movie. But these one-liners are horrible. I remember actually wanting Nicholas Cage to start talking, just so I could get a break from Poole’s incessant humor. I think the idea behind Riley Poole is to make the audience constantly think, “Oh that Riley, he just can’t do ANYTHING right, can he?” which is O.K. if we are watching a Tom and Jerry cartoon. But for a full-length, 90 minute action/adventure movie? It is downright criminal.

I mean, is there really any other option? In the most anticipated prequel of the 90’s (and arguably, of all time) the character of Jar Jar Binks took center stage in the Star Wars universe and proceeded to halt all the momentum George Lucas had created in the late 1970s. With his computer generated baby mumbling, awkward human-alien interactions, and helpless efforts to help the Jedi, Jar Jar made audiences worldwide stare aghast at the screen at probably the most disastrous “comic relief” sidekick in film history. In defense of Jar Jar, George Lucas has said “…there is a small group of fans that do not like comic sidekicks. They want the films to be tough like The Terminator, and they get very upset and opinionated about anything that has anything to do with being childlike,” clearly showing his intention of making the Jar Jar Binks character purely kid friendly and nonsensical. Honestly, George, I would have rather seen Elmo or Big Bird tagging along with the Jedi. Jar Jar Binks was a walking catastrophe.

译文: 电影里十大最讨厌的搭档

      每一个瞬间，某一部电影里的人物（或者是扮演他们的演员）出现了，紧紧抓住了全世界无数观众的心和想像力。Mark Hamill扮演的Luke Skywalker, Sylvester Stallone扮演的Rocky Balboa, Mel Gibson扮演的William Wallace, 还有其他许许多多的人，改变了我们对电影里人物角色的看法。这些人物已经在好莱坞的画卷上打下了情感的烙印，激励着成千上万的作家、导演和演员们充满兴奋、激情和活力地为娱乐事业做出贡献。不过，下面的这份排名跟这些有影响力的人物无关。

      这是一份我们都讨厌的角色名单。里面的人物角色除了带给荧幕喧嚣和分散我们的注意力之外，再没有别的什么了。他们想方设法想要压过其他演员的表演，用他们的令人厌烦的逗弄和古怪的饶舌来浪费胶片。当他们出现在荧幕上时，你恨不得用眼罩和棉布条盖住眼睛、塞住耳朵。

      边注：人物绝大多数来自于动作片或者冒险片，也有部分例外。我可以轻易地从喜剧和戏剧中找出100个讨厌角色的名单，但是喜剧通常是感情色彩分明的，所以我决定从看起来严肃一点的或者史诗电影中挑选，因为他们搬上荧幕上的时候已经排除了日常生活的干扰。敬请欣赏。

第十名
Bejamin Buford “Bubba” Blue——《阿甘正传》

      把Bubba放进在这个名单中有几个原因。我承认，在这部受欢迎的电影中，Bubba是一个相当受欢迎的角色。不过他的口吃、他令人泄气的言语、以及在“虾”场景中不断出现的情形，让他令人讨厌。虽然在Bubba出现的大多数场面，通常是在给Tom Hanks扮演的Forrest Gump当配角，但是观众禁不住要想：我们真的还需要这样一个行动缓慢、困惑而又口吃的南方佬作搭档吗？

第九名
Chewbacca——《星战》系列

      这又是一个非常受欢迎的角色，它也是Han Solo的一个很棒的搭档。我把它放到这个名单里主要是因为它太吵了。总是在吵，吵，吵。每一个有Chewbacca出现的场景都好像在锯木头的时候拍的。本来，由于Lucas制作电影时使用镭射特权技术，大多数星战系列都因为极佳的音质而闻名。但即使是当在千年猎鹰号上、演员们处于多维空间深处的安静场面，Chewie那狂热的吱吱嘎嘎的叫嚷，仍然震坏了我们的耳膜。

第八名
Gollum——《魔戒》

      不管你对魔戒怎么看，你都不能否认，大多数Gollum出现的场景都会让你的肠胃不太舒服。他丑陋、令人厌恶、老是一遍又一遍地嘟哝同一句话。他还生吃鱼。大部分包含Gollum的场景都令你恨不能呆在家里（而不是在电影院）。

第七名
David Levinson——《独立日》

      在所有的角色当中，Jeff Goldblum的《独立日》中假冒的伙伴David Levinson的可厌之处最不明显。Levinson在某种程度上，是属于可鄙的讨厌鬼那一类人。当Will Smith为了拯救地球不被消灭，同外星人激战的时候，Levinson却在暗自盘算着怎样才能带着老婆一起回家；当BIll Pulman忙于组织不同的国家，让它们联合起来争取自由与领导权时，Levinson却在担心科学，在想着跟他脾气乖张的老父亲做交易。差不多接近尾声的时候，他发现自己的秘密使命是引爆母舰。当他们飞过太空的时候，你能看得到他脸上的夸张表情：“我的炉子是不是忘了关？”而且，他“喝醉”的场面绝对令人难以相信。他前一分钟还因为失意一口喝干了一升伏特加，后一分钟又跟美国国防部谈起了物理学。拜托，离开荧幕，让Will Smith发挥一下吧！

第六名
Stifler——《美国派》系列

      美国派系列上映之后，对Stifler的模仿常发生在兄弟会落脚的房子里。这是唯一一件比Stifler本人更令人讨厌的事。我并不是想说美国派系列是一部好电影（实际上，它绝对不是！）。但是我们真的需要一个骄傲自大的男孩来搞气氛吗？事实上，我很欣赏大多数有Eugene Levy的场景，但是，不可避免地，Stifler要跟着出现，这让我不得不记起，我是在看一部糟糕的青春性喜剧。Stifler算不上搭档，但是一样够讨厌了。

第五名
Pintel和Ragetti——《加勒比海盗》系列

      这两人似乎就是为了提醒我们，大牌的电影制作室都认为观众是傻瓜。每一件事，都没法让人喜欢这两个愚笨的海盗，尤其是当其中一个掉了一个眼珠子时。他们一点也不有趣，而且总是打断Johnny Depp出现的场面——Johnny Depp可是为这部探险的电影带来了不少的喜剧色彩。

第四名

Willie Scott——《印第安那.琼斯和命运之庙》

      如果电影里面有一个角色在整部片子里除了尖叫什么也不做时，总会少了一点可观性。确实，是在整部片子中。她总是在尖叫，在抱怨，在嘶喊，在哭，在整部电影里面讨厌地大叫。她总自以为是地认为自己是一名美丽的歌手，是印第安那的中心。由于你总是在担心她什么时候开始尖叫，Willie Scott和Indiana Jones一起出现的大多数场景总有一点让人不自在。Scott对参与冒险毫无兴趣，真是一个糟糕的搭档。这部影片我看过好几遍了，还是觉得这个角色多余。

第三名
Ruby Rhod——《第五元素》

如果你看过这部电影，你会知道为什么他（她）会出现在这里。这个雌雄同体的讨厌的家伙给“讨厌”重新下了定义：嗓门大、奇装异服、不停地解说、有让每一个人恨不能逃出电影院的惊人的能力。对这部还算不错的电影来说，他完全是个败笔。唯一的一个能让这个角色有生命的应该是Gilbert Gottfried,当然Chris Tucker表现也很棒。

第二名
Riley Poole——《国家宝藏》

      任何一个令我希望多看两眼Nicholas Cage的角色都应该被放进名单里。所以把Riley Poole放进来了，他初出茅庐，是Nicholas Cage所扮演的Ben Gates的搭档。要知道Poole先生最要命的地方是哪里吗？反衬。我知道，那是指迪士尼电影。但是这个反衬太糟糕了。看电影的时候不停地盼着Nicholas Cage开口，这样就可以打断Poole连续不断地制造的幽默了。Riley Poole让观众这样想：“天啊，那个Riley,他难道就不能做一件正确的事吗？天啊！”。如果我们是在看《猫和老鼠》的话，这个当然没问题。但是一部全长只有90分钟的动作/冒险片不应该是这样的。

第一名
Jar Jar Binks——《星战》系列

      难道还有别的选择吗？在九十年代（也许是所有时间）最受人期待的前篇中，Jar Jar Bink的角色在整个星战世界中占据了中心地位，简直快要遏制住George Lucas在20世纪70年代刮起的旋风了。随着它的电脑特技的童音的呢喃、人类与外星人令人尴尬的交涉、帮助Jedi时无效的努力，Jar Jar让全世界的观众都瞪着荧幕，看这个电影史上最悲惨的“喜剧润滑剂”一样的搭档。为了维护Jar Jar, George Lucas说过：“……有一小部分的影迷不喜欢喜剧性的搭档。他们想让电影都像《终结者》那样严肃，对任何天真无邪的东西，他们都会固执地反对和感到不安。”这清楚地表明，他要把Jar Jar Binks塑造成一个纯粹的取悦孩子们的无意义的角色。老实说，George, 我倒宁愿看见跟Jedi搭档的是Elmo或者Big Bird. Jar Jar Binks真的是一场移动的大灾难。